Saw that one coming…

Sometimes, life has this really annoying habit of doing exactly what you think it’s going to.

Take for example today, I’d wandered down to the shop near me to grab some supplies and I did my usual pocket check Macarena dance which involves patting myself down to ensure I have all the essentials- keys, phone, iPod and wallet. So, I went to the shop bought my stuff and walked home, at which point I emptied my pockets- wallet, keys, iPod…..no phone.

I picked up my hoodie, but it was empty. Now, my hoodie is one of those ones that has one pocket on the front which you can put your hand all the way through, so chances were my phone had just fallen out as I’d taken it off and was somewhere in a mound of dirty clothes or was under my bed. I couldn’t be 100% sure that this was what had happened, more like 90%, but because of that 10% of doubt I knew I had to trace my trip back to the shop and maybe even ask if anyone had found it there.

I had to do this because I knew if it was in my room I’d be able to find it when I got back, but if that it wasn’t then the more time I wasted meant a greater chance of some ne’er do well stumbling across my phone and pinching it. So, cursing under my breath I pulled on my hoodie and left the house.

This was especially annoying as (a) I’d just brought some food and I was hungry and looking forward to eating, (b) it looked like it was about to rain, (c) I’d have to speak to the shop at the staff who would know how much of an idiot I am and (d) I hate my phone.

I’ve had my phone for about a year and it licks balls, it’s a HTC and I loathe it with the fire of a thousand suns. The battery life is shockingly short, the memory gets filled despite me barely using it and the touch screen annoys the hell out of me. It’s also constantly nagging me about system updates that I can’t even perform because there’s not enough memory left.

As a result of these and poor signal, plus the fact I can use my iPod for social networking, games and pictures, I must be one of the few people who’s less reliant on their phone than they were 5 years ago. I used to always have my phone on and close to hand but now I’ll leave my phone off most of the day because I can’t abide the thing.

Anyway, rant over.

So, I wondered back along my route staring at the floor, and spoke to the manager at the shop, which was awkward and I could feel him and the other staff looking at me and thinking “What kind of moron loses his mobile?”

Then I traipsed all the way back up to the house, where, of course, I found the phone within about 5 seconds of looking again.

It wasn’t even under anything, I literally looked down and there was the shiny lens staring up at me.

When it comes to the idea of a higher power I’m undecided, but I seem to have created my own pantheon of small gods (so far I have gods of late night TV, shuffle, public transport and booze) and I think I’m going to add one for missing things, kind of like the opposite of St Anthony, the patron saint of lost things.

Like a Loki figure this thing delights in mischief and makes certain that you will always lose something that you vitally need and will at the same time ensure that you have an overabundance of things that are utterly useless.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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