Jennifer Lawrence

Last night I was watching TV when I discovered that nude photos of actress Jennifer Lawrence had been leaked online. I found this out because it was the topic of conversation between my wonderful girlfriend and her friends on their phones, and included them sharing the pictures. MWG then showed me the pictures, knowing that I’m rather fond of Lawrence and I’ll admit I did find the pictures attractive.

Lawrence in the hunger games

Lawrence in the hunger games

The term guilty pleasure is overused these days but the celebrity nude shot/sex tape is one of the things that truly deserves the tag. I can’t lie and say that I get no enjoyment from seeing Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson or Joanie Laurer in the altogether. These are famous women I find attractive and I’ve been given the opportunity to see them naked.

However, there’s always a glummer side to it all. Often these pictures and videos come to light because they’ve been leaked and while in some cases it’s the celebrity themselves who have done so, or “their people”, but far too often it’s not them, it’s someone they’ve trusted.

It shouldn’t have to be said, but apparently a lot of folks don’t get this- you don’t share naked pictures you’ve been sent by someone. They’ve been taken for you, and you should be grateful that somebody wants to send you them and trusts you enough to send them. Don’t abuse that trust, if you do, you are a massive bellend.

And breaking-up doesn’t mean you can share them. Revenge porn, which is distressingly popular, is something I absolutely loathe, and I don’t have a problem with porn in general. It’s all these bitter douches getting revenge on their exes by slut-shaming them for sending pictures. If you do this I’m starting to realize why you’re no longer with that girl, you’re a dick! Especially the ones who complain about how some “bitch” only wants to date “assholes” and doesn’t appreciate “nice  guys”.

Here’s something I’ve learnt over the years, the nicest people don’t go on about how nice they are, and sharing pictures of your ex instantly loses you any nice guy points and moves you towards “massive wanker” territory.

I’ve heard these folks saying that Lawrence is an idiot for taking/allowing these pictures to be taken. As if she’s somehow to blame for this. She’s a 24 year old woman who took these with someone she was intimate with. That these have made online is in no way her fault, she is the victim of a massive invasion of privacy and been exposed to the world.

Her decision to pursue an acting career doesn’t mean she signs away all privacy, or shouldn’t be afforded the same consideration as everyone else. Lawrence is a victim in this story and idiots going on about how she has millions in the bank and awards galore are missing the point, whether you’re an A-lister or you work in Greggs you have special, private moments that are meant to be between you and your intimates, and having them spread around is embarrassing, upsetting and definitely not cool.

Spreading nude photos of someone without their consent is a crime, in an attempt to combat the rise of revenge porn, which I fully agree with.

In this case it’s not a leak but rather a hack, and the hacker has stated they have pictures of several other celebrities (including Kim Kardashian, who has a sex tape already, so a nude shot seems tame) and is threatening to release them. Unfortunately this will continue and while social networks try to stop them, with how fast they move the pictures spread like wildfire, meaning that its almost impossible to stop them getting out there.

The only way to do something about it is to stop spreading them. As tempting as it is to look at them, the combination of lust and curiosity they create is strong, but just don’t look. And definitely don’t share them if you do see them.

And to all the guys out there who have pictures of girls on their phones or computers, don’t be a dick. And the same for girls who have pictures of guys, girls who have pictures of girls and guys who have pictures of guys.

Keep them secret, keep them safe.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


As if first dates weren’t awkward enough already

This is my standard warning to my Mum, this post is not for you.
Yesterday I wrote about a documentary I’d watched, and mentioned that I’d also seen another one, Date My Porn Star. It’s this that I’ll be discussing today.
The doc took three “porn addicts” from the UK and then flew them across to LA where they’d watch porn being made and meet their idols. The point was that it would show them the reality behind their fantasies.
Going in the filmmakers seemed to have its stall set out- these three fellas had to see that porn was horrible and nasty, and mend their ways.
Now I’m not arguing that porn isn’t sometimes horrible and nasty, but it seemed to have made up its mind from the off and that doesn’t feel like good journalism to me.
It was still a fairly interesting watch though, even if they’d chosen three dudes who seemed more obsessed with grot than the average.
The testimony of an ex-pornstar highlighted the physical strain that are endured by women in this field, and was painful to hear. But I couldn’t help feel that there must be some pornstars who emerge less damaged by their job.
It’s available on Channel 4’s on demand service here in the UK, and probably online somewhere for those abroad, and it’s worth checking out. Even with the bias.
The part I found most bizarre was the eagerness of the three blokes to meet and date their porn star crush.
One of the blokes said that as his crush, Tanya Tate, was near his age that it made his fantasy less far fetched, which seemed ludicrous to me. It’s still an unrealistic fantasy.
I’ve never been that delusional, I can’t imagine any scenario that would result in me bedding a porn star (if I was single and interested in that). In fact meeting a porn star, particularly one I’ve watched regularly would fill me with dread. Especially if they knew about me being a fan.
Imagine how awkward it would be. If I found myself sitting down for a coffee with Gianna Michaels I’d be a jabbering buffoon. I wouldn’t know what to say, and I doubt we’d have much in common, aside from knowing about her on screen sexploits.
Gianna Michaels is a fantasy figure, and I know that in real life she’s not going to be the character she portrays on my laptop screen, just like I know if I meet Sarah Michelle Gellar she won’t be the sassy, vampire slaying ideal that I’ve fancied since my teens. Or that Lady Gaga is as awesome as I imagine.
Dating a porn star? I don’t see the appeal.
Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO


Maddie Magellan

When I was in my early teens one of the shows I loved on TV was Jonathan Creek, which featured Alan Davies in the title role of a magic trick creating genius who turned his superior intellect to solving crimes with the aid of his sarky writer sidekick Maddie (Caroline Quentin). The show is still going at the moment, although Quentin left years ago and has been replaced with Julia Sawalha and Sheridan Smith. While they’ve continued to be quite good fun, the show really lost something with the loss of the Maddie character.

Jonathan and Maddy

Jonathan and Maddy

They’ve recently started repeating the old episodes on the Drama channel, and they really hold up, well, fashion aside (there was a pretty impressive she-mullet in tonight’s episode). The key to it is the relationship between the central duo, with Davies being rather endearing in the role of the clever, geeky Creek who’s awkward at times and he clashes with the sarcastic, cynical Maddie. And the series had a really funny, quirky feel to it and never took itself too seriously, hamming it up with the deaths and overly elaborate set ups.

creek

What I really love about the Maddie character most of all is that she was totally the boss of the duo, Creek may have had the skills to solve the bizarre crimes but Maddie usually found the cases for them and was feisty, quick witted and funny, often coming out on top in her arguments with Jonathan.

The other thing cool thing was that while she was a curvier woman, Maddie had massive self-confidence and was rather sexy. Now, I like curvier women anyway, but I really dig that they made her a charming, attractive character who I can never remember being ridiculed for her weight and had a string of guys interested in her and a massive will-they-won’t-they angle with Jonathan. I think they did hook up in the end, and I’m sure like most things it killed the show.

It was nice to have a major character who was a curvier woman, and the show should be applauded for that, and the way it portrayed and treated her.

I don’t think I would’ve said anything at the time, because as a teen I was less inclined to voice opinions which were against the norm, but I had a thing for Caroline Quentin back then, and sarky, curvy and confident is still a type I really like.

A more recent picture of Caroline Quentin

A more recent picture of Caroline Quentin

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Why do the Irish hate Rihanna’s boobs?

This week there was a minor news story about people in Dublin going around stapling dresses onto Rihanna’s tour posters to cover up the topless photos:

Rihanna gets covered up

It’s an amusing story, even though I’ll explain why I think it’s daft in a bit, but it’s actually the second time that the Barbadian singer’s boobs have landed her in trouble on the Emerald Isle. A couple of years back while filming the video for “We Found Love”, her collaboration with Calvin Harris, Rihanna was filming in a field when she went topless, which didn’t go down well with the farmer who owned the field.

rihanna field

Rihanna before disrobing.

That was in Northern Ireland, so it seems that whatever differences the two countries have, they seem united in objecting to Rihanna baring her chest.

It’s a weird thing to get uptight about.

Personally, I’m not sure what all the fuss is about, and not just because I have a soft spot for Rihanna.

The thing is, the poster isn’t particularly shocking in the first place. Yes, she’s topless but she’s covered herself anyway:

rihanna poster uc

I mean, yes, you can see the curve of her breast but she’s covered the nipples, and for reasons I don’t fully understand, nipples are the big deal when it comes to female nudity. If anyone can explain why nipples are supposedly more shocking than the rest of the breast I’d be eager to know, because it baffles me.

You can show everything else, and several celebrities have done the “hand bra” thing but for some reason it’s the areolas that is when you cross the line. Personally, I don’t see why they’re supposedly the “dirty” part.

In fact the whole thing of regarding breasts as something sexual is a little odd when you think about it. I mean, I find them extremely pleasing to look at, but why? Logically it doesn’t make much sense. But that’s an issue for a different time and a more intelligent post.

My major objection is that I don’t understand why you’d cover it up, I mean, it’s an inoffensive image. It’s clean and, to pull an argument from the pervert’s arsenal, what’s the big deal about the human body anyway?

I’ve never fully understood why people have such a massive issue with it.

Sure, it’ll cause titillation in many but it’s hardly pornographic and nudity, anyone’s nudity, shouldn’t be regarded as something terrible. That just makes people feel bad about themselves and causes shame ,

Yes, there’s a time and a place for nudity, and there’s a difference, of course, between nudity and nudity for sexual gratification, but this is just a picture of a partly naked woman who’s covering herself up anyway. I find it hard to believe that it would upset anyone, and if it did I kind of think it’s their problem, not everyone else’s.

It’s not nasty, or vulgar, or unpleasant, so if you’ve got a problem with it, that’s your personal issue. I don’t like that radio stations play the Black Eyed Peas, but I’m not going to bombard the stations with complaints. Not everything is aimed at me, and the BEP aren’t evil, just intensely irritating to me.

In the world we live in I just think that there are far more pressing issues that need addressing than a pop star showing some skin.

That being said, at least there’s something amusing about the way they’ve covered her up.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Movie Review: Hansel and Gretel- Witch Hunters

Last year I wrote about the fact that Hollywood is irritatingly still on this revisionist fairy tale kick, citing last year’s Snow White double bill (Mirror, Mirror and Snow White and the Huntsman) but did mention there was one fairy tale inspired movie I was looking forward to, this flick.

hansgretpos

Part of the reason I was looking forward to it was because it was centred around a man crush/crush partnership of Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, who play the eponymous witch killing siblings.

Eye candy for everyone!

Eye candy for everyone!

The movie starts with the traditional story of the gingerbread house and pushing the witch into the oven, but with a few added bits. The kids are left in the woods by their father rather than a nasty stepmother (seriously, stepmoms get a bad rep in children’s stories) and Hansel is forced to eat the sweeties rather than just being a greedy douche as is normally the case. Having eliminated the witch the two then travel around Germany whacking witches using some pretty cool gadgets and weapons.

Their job brings them to a town where several kids have been snatched. They arrive just in time to save an innocent girl, Mina (Pihla Viitala) from being drowned and burnt as a witch by the bullying Sheriff Berringer (Peter Stormare), who they clash with instantly and who is annoyed that the mayor has hired them to rid the town of its witch problem.

Hansel and Gretel investigate further and discover that the behaviour of the witches in the area is a little strange and different from what they’ve witnessed before. With 11 kids already gone it appears that the witches are planning something big.

The witches are headed up by the powerful grand witch Muriel (Famke Janssen) who seems to know a lot about the siblings and their past. Unable to save the twelfth child before it’s grabbed and separated from each other, Hansel is aided by Mina and discovers a link to their past. While Gretel is rescued by the witches’ troll henchman and assisted by local lad, and enthusiastic fan Ben (Thomas Mann).

Can they stop the witches’ evil plan? What does their past hide? And is there more to Mina than meets the eye?

This is a very silly movie, and while far from perfect it’s jolly good fun.

I was a little surprised that they made it into a 15 certificate movie, as the people who are really going to love this flick are boys in their early teens, but the higher certificate means that the film is allowed to keep its fleeting nudity, frequent gore and cursing, which it delights in the way a rebellious teenager does. Oh, and there’s a headbutt, which oddly is something the BBFC is very strongly opposed to (Aragorn’s headbutt in one of the Lord of the Rings movies was contested and allowed to stay in because he was headbutting an orc, which is just racist).

Also for the teenage boy audience there’s the sight of Gemma Arterton in tight, low cut clothes and there’s even a rather gratuitous close up of her cleavage. Arterton seems to be enjoying herself however, and she’s quite good as the badass witch killer, handling the fight sequences well and carrying herself with confidence that suggests an ability to handle herself.

She’s equally matched by Renner, who continues his streak of good performances as the more cynical half of the duo. There’s a scoundrel, Han Solo vibe to Hansel, and Renner’s muscular charisma works well for the role, while he also manages to make him an engagingly sweet character through his genuine concern for his sister and his awkwardness around Mina, which feels natural. After all, this is a guy who’s only real contact with women is his sister or nasty witches that are trying to rip his head off, so it feels right that he’s a little out of his element when it comes to an attractive woman who’s interested in him for different reasons.

Both leads work well together and they convince as a brother and sister team. They look good and convince as fighters, even if there is a little bit too much posturing from both, although it felt kind of deliberate as the film’s tongue is quite firmly in its cheek.

The plot is highly predictable, and a few of the plot points could be seen coming a mile away (although Mrs Obvious behind me seemed caught out by them all and after a revelation would make comments like “so she was a witch!” loudly to her husband), but the film has a few nice touches, with the fight sequences being rather enjoyable and there being a kind of smashmouth style, with both heroes being knocked about a fair bit and mainly triumphing through teamwork, superior firepower and toughness.

The witches are pretty well done, including a great scene near the end of the movie where a council is held and witches arrive from around the world, dressed in different national costumes and designed in different styles and types, which makes the big smackdown at the end more interesting.

In terms of gore the film has a fair amount of the red stuff splashed about and there are a few icky touches, but on the whole the gore has a kind of enjoyably OTT vibe

As the movie’s big bad, Famke Janssen is on fine form, playing the role of Muriel with a kind of campy, vampish style and she’s still got a fair amount of sex appeal. She’s clearly having fun and it shows one of Janssen’s strengths, her willingness to ramp it up for fun, goofy flicks (see also Goldeneye and The Faculty).

Janssen- Campy and vampy

Janssen- Campy and vampy

The rest of the cast doesn’t have much to do, but they all do their jobs rather well, even if Stormare is clearly on autopilot for some of the flick. Probably the pick of the bunch Pihla Viitala as Mina, who’s rather sweet as the love interest and has an innocent allure.

The movie has a good visual style and some of the design work is sensational, and there are nice touches like the fact that Hansel’s gingerbread house eating as a child has made him diabetic being a nice quirk in the tale, and it has the decency to keep itself short at a light, fun 88 minutes.

It’s hardly life changing but it’s quite good fun and sits around the middle of the daft supernatural action movie genre, not quite reaching the heights of The Mummy, but miles ahead of Van Helsing.

Verdict: Enjoyably daft with the leads having fun and doing their jobs well and a few nice touches along the way, but far from a classic and a little too predictable in places. 6/10.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Pic Post: Call to the Cardinals, Cynics and Conspiracy Theories

Conspiracy Theory 1

This made me chuckle, and could there be something in it?

conspiracy

Cardinals are you listening?

After Big Ben stood down speculation over who will take the magic chair has been raging, but this is by far the best suggestion I’ve seen.

popebowie

Conspiracy Theory 2

I’m guessing whoever came up with this was stoned.

conspiracytheory

Cynical Teacher

cynicteach

Hot Picture of the Week

Katy Perry at the Grammy’s a couple of weeks back.

55th Annual GRAMMY Awards

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Book Review: Bossypants by Tina Fey

I love Tina Fey.

bossypants

 

I’ve been aware of her work for a while and always found her quite funny, but it’s only in the last couple of months thanks to LoveFilm that I’ve really got into her stuff, I’d seen bits and pieces of 30 Rock before, but with the first 3 series now available to watch whenever I wanted I dove headfirst into them.

It’s hands down one of the funniest television shows I’ve ever seen, as the writers do this great job of crafting likable characters and fantastic lines, and seem comfortable to let the show go off on weird little tangents and have surreal flourishes. It helps that the cast are superb, especially Alec Baldwin and Fey herself.

30rock

So, having devoured three series of this, I decided to get this book on my kindle, I started it midweek and finished it today, although given more spare time and no internet I probably could have blazed through most of this in one day, because it’s a delightfully funny and enjoyable quick read.

Fey writes with this really great, warm style which is filled with little gags and quips, and this great streak of self deprecation. She recounts moments in her life with real honesty, and isn’t afraid to show her own follies and mistakes along the way.

She writes cleverly and with insight, touching on issues like the entertainment industry’s views and attitudes towards women but always does it with a lightness of touch that stops it from seeming like a rant. Fey seems proud and grateful for what she’s achieved and well she should, but never comes across as arrogant, seeming to be aware of the help she’s received from others and blessed with a real sense of perspective as to where her job fits in the real world.

Fey’s also quite classy, there are allusions to celebrities she’s met along the way being douches but she never names them, or even drops clues as to their identity, granting them their anonymity while also giving praise to those she’s met along the way who have been cool (Baldwin, Sylvester Stallone and surprisingly Sarah Palin).

She talks of her personal life, family Christmases and dealing with being a mother, and also her status as a “famous person”. The attention she received from doing her Sarah Palin skits on Saturday Night Live, both positive and negative, the joys and pitfalls of magazine shoots and a chapter devoted to responding to online hate mail, which is funny yet at the same time rather depressing to read what some assclowns on the web come up with.

The Palin section is quite interesting, especially as it reveals Fey’s initial reluctance to do it and her own fears that it might be seen as being nasty or mean spirited. There’s an insight into the behind the scenes world of television, and also Fey having to deal with her meeting the woman herself.

But the main thing that comes through is that Fey has managed to stay down to earth and normal despite the attention, maybe because it came slightly later in life, but she seems to be a regular Josephine who’s found success due to her skills.

I went in a fan and came out a bigger one.

Verdict: A wonderfully written, frequently hilarious memoir about her life both in and out of the spotlight. Fey is a charming, entertaining writer who comes across well in this down to earth, clever lady. 8/10

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Skyfail: My least favourite ad of the moment and one I quite like

There are two adverts on at the moment both advertising television programmes, one which I hate and another which I kinda dig.

The one I hate is for the channel/company Sky and features two stars of it’s recent shows, Ruth Jones from Stella and Robert Lindsay who’s in Spy. The advert is basically the two of them in a cafe nattering away about how great Sky and it’s programmes, and it is one of the most painful, poorly written things I’ve seen in ages, when Lindsay brings up an “actor friend” who’s previously been critical of Sky but is coming around I just want to put my foot through the screen.

It’s of the same calibre as those terrible party political broadcasts.

I can’t find a video of it, but you’re not missing much.

One of the things that I dislike the most is that I’m quite a big fan of Ruth Jones, who I think is a really funny, talented actress and writer, as well as being kinda sexy.

ruth

She’s probably best known for co-writing Gavin & Stacey, where she also played Nessa, and it’s weird that somebody who gained success with a show that kind of captured how people really talk to each other is in something so toe-curlingly awful which bares little resemblance to proper human conversation.

Seriously, the Hobbit’s dialogue feels more natural and everyday.

The whole exercise feels smug, insincere and self-congratulatory, with two of the channels stars clearly being paid to talk about how good their shows are and how they’re part of some new wave of great British TV. It’s just disappointing to see the dead eyed way they’re helping Rupert Murdoch make even more money.

The advert I like is also kind of smug, but it pulls it off largely due to it’s star- The Ma-Sheen himself- Charlie Sheen!

The ad is for his post Two & A Half Men/meltdown show Anger Management (which I’ve yet to see but seems to tick a few boxes- Sheen’s deadpan delivery and playing a version of himself, and also Selma Blair!). The ad, which you can watch below uses it’s celebrity star’s notoriety well and there’s a kind of tongue-in-cheek playfulness about it. It’s definitely as well thought and manufactured as the Sky ad but it’s educated with much more charm and humour, and doesn’t feel quite so insincere and false.

Of course, it doesn’t hurt that I’m a pretty big Sheen fan.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Pic Post: Shelves, Scully and Snow Sharks

Good work, librarians

Librarians are often seen as dull or humourless, but I really liked this thing some set up:

library

Awesome kid 1

This made me chuckle, Jenna rocks. Thanks to lamebook for this one.

pun

Good sign

Sir, you’re sign just got trumped.

signwin

Awesome kid 2

Okay, so this one is mainly the work of the parents but it’s still awesome.

ghostbustersbaby

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the snow…

Never been a massive Calvin and Hobbes fan, but Bill Watterson knocks this one out of the park.

snowsharks

Hot Picture of the Week

The extremely foxy Gillian Anderson.

gilliananderson

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Pic Post: Signs, Graffiti and Princess Leia

Made this Star Wars geek smile

And is it wrong to find a cartoon hot?

Released

This made me laugh.

Nicely done, sir

I’m a big fan of beggars and such who make an effort, like the dude in this post, however I love this guy for just getting right to the point in asking for help. I mean, if you have the chance to help someone less fortunate than you do you need a reason other than that they need it and that it’s the right thing to do?

Baby got paperback

Playground graffiti

Not sure if I think this is kinda cool or just whiny and emo. Thoughts?

Hot Picture of the Week

This week is the star of 2 Broke Girls, the immensely sexy Kat Dennings.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.