Ten Years Gone: Reflecting on the #10YearChallenge

If you’re on social media, you can’t have failed to miss the recent #10YearChallenge, which has seen people have been posting photos of themselves from 2009 and the present, to compare how much they’ve changed.

I’ve heard some say it’s been popularised so that facial recognition software has more to work with and can develop ways of recognising faces as they age. Which is a bit of a cloud on what was quite an interesting social media fad.

Of course, I got involved but the whole thing prompted a lot of thoughts and I figured better to share them as a single blog than a lengthy barrage of tweets.

Here’s my picture:

10 year challenge

And here are my thoughts:

I think I’m actually heavier now than I was then. But I think I look better in 2019, and I feel better about myself too. It’s telling that there are only half a dozen photos of me from 2009, and a similar number in the years around it. I used to hate having my picture taken, and that’s part of the reason for the middle finger. In fact, most of the pictures I have from them are me pulling dumb faces, so that when I looked daft or bad, I could say it was on purpose.

I still have issues about how I look, but I’m not as hung up on the photo thing. This is the face I got, the body I have for now, and I’d rather have photos to remember the good times and people in my life. Hell, there are even a few photos where I think I look, well, if not good, then alright.

This is why I don’t agree with people who slam selfies. Taking selfies was something I thought was vain for a long time, but now I take a few. I have control of how I look (to an extent) and every time I have one that turns out alright, I feel more comfortable with my looks. I’ll still avoid catching sight of myself naked in a mirror if I can help it, but I don’t hate my body the way I did for a while a few years ago.

I guess it’s just an important reminder that as much as I want to lose weight that I can’t fixate too much on the number on the scales. My happiness and self esteem is tied into a whole lot more than that.

2009 wasn’t a terrible year for me, not long after this photo was taken I started a new job and I’d started doing sports commentary on a local community radio station, which was cool. I wasn’t paid for it, but it was media related and the first thing I’d done since graduating that gave me some feeling of achievement. After graduating in 2007 I’d had a rough time, readjusting to living with my parents and signing on, amassing piles of rejection letters along the way.

But I think mentally I was still in a shaky place. This trip to see a friend in 2009 was fun, but as with a lot of my “good times” then I was hammered for a lot of it. I wasn’t sure what I was doing with my life, or what I wanted, and I felt pretty worthless a lot of the time. The job I was about to start was a step into the unknown and I was a little scared, not wanting to wind up back on the dole again.

Drinking had been a big part of socialising for me, since my late teens and right through uni. Booze gave me a false confidence, drowning out my insecurities and bringing me out of my shell a bit. It also made me say stupid things, make bad choices and wasn’t great for my physical and mental health. I still drink now, but I’ve stopped the regular binges and can now hang out without a pint or four. And it’s been a long time since I had to endure the awkwardness of waking after a night out and fearing that I’d said or done something dumb.

I was single then and felt like this would always be the case. I’d had one girlfriend and we’d split up about a year earlier, and there was a nagging doubt that it had been it for me, that I was going to be one of those people who never found anyone.

And it wasn’t just in this area that nothing was going on. I had daydreams about various things, but nothing came of them. I made no effort to chase them, I just daydreamed and moped that my life was dull. It was a traditional vicious circle- I was bummed out because I wasn’t doing anything with my life, and annoyed that I wasn’t doing anything about it. But I was in too deep a funk to make the effort to change things.

In 2019, I’m definitely in a better place. While the work front is still a bit of a dud, I’m actively trying to achieve my dreams and ambitions. I’ve got back into writing and am planning to send off my first novel in the next month or so, and I’m chasing down a couple of things to help tick off some bucket list items.

I’ve also built a life for myself, a life which I’m very happy with. I’ve got a wife who loves and supports me, and I’m extremely happy to have found her.

I’m working on improving myself. Not just by getting healthier, but by working harder to be nicer, kinder and more considerate. I still fall short, I get angry, I get impatient, I can be tactless, but I try and I’m getting better at checking myself before I do something that might upset someone.

I look at the picture of me in 2009 and I see a guy who was happy, but only in small moment, often just adrift and worried. I see a guy who was still trying to be the guy he’d been at uni, and didn’t see the problems and flaws that I’d developed there. I used to say that university had helped me a lot, and I think it did. It made me more confident in myself, it made me more outgoing. When you move to a new place you have to make the effort to make friends and stuff, but I was blind to the bad habits I’d picked up along the way. A lot of my confidence had come from being seen as funny, and it took a while for me to realise that a lot of the humour I used at this time was quite unpleasant. I was meaner, sarcastic and distinctly more laddish.

I’d see it when my friends from uni interacted with my family or friends from back home. Or when I’d make jokes that wouldn’t go down well elsewhere. It wasn’t my friends that was the problem, it was that I was different people in different places. In between the two was me, but I hadn’t worked out how to figure out who that was. I’d become this loud, laddish guy who drank a lot and it took a while to work out what I liked about the changes from university and the ones I needed to shed.

I still get confronted by it when Facebook throws old status updates and I see my crude, poorly thought out gags and comments. I needed to work out who I was and while I still don’t feel like a real adult at times, I think I’ve definitely grown up since then.

As I said, I’m still working on myself, and who knows, 2029 Chris may cringe at some of the things I say now.

I’m more comfortable with myself, I’m more confident to call things out when I think something’s out of line, not just laugh it off or ignore it. I’m more considerate and thoughtful, less hard line in my stances, willing to listen to other voices and consider things from different perspectives. I’ve changed my mind on things, or realised that while I might disagree with some things, that it doesn’t make them stupid.

I’ve also become a lot happier expressing who I am and what I feel. The laddish costume that covered my insecurities is gone. I don’t mind admitting to crying over things, of being weak and scared. I don’t care if some of the things I like are seen as goofy or lame.

Basically I enjoy being me a lot more now.

Dark Chris is still there, with his negativity and doubts, but I’m more equipped to deal with him now. I can look and think about what he whispers, figure out how to work on them, as opposed to just covering it all up or making it a joke.

Dark Chris will always be there, but I just hope that I can strip him of his weapons one at a time, that I can drown him out with the good stuff. That he’s a mere speck of dirt, barely visible in the glow of Sunshine Chris, who helps me feel good about myself.

Sorry that was a bit of a ramble.

In short, I think I’m better now, and I’m trying to keep being better and don’t I look better with short hair and a beard?

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Fat Boy on a Diet: December and 2018 Update

Let’s be honest with each other folks, while November ended on a positive note, with a consistent run of weight loss, none of us expected December to go well. I resolved to try my best, but with advent ticking away and Christmas looming ever larger on the horizon temptations began to pile up.

Family events, chocolates at work, chocolates at home, Christmas parties. And then the big day itself, December was a gauntlet I had to run, and like many a contender on Gladiators, I was about to get wiped out.

The first half of the month went quite well, as I resisted temptation and kept up my walking. I lost four and a half pounds over the opening fortnight, and was feeling pretty good.

What a fool I was.

Week three of advent kicked my arse, and getting on the scales revealed that I’d lost pretty much gained what I’d lost. And that was before Christmas.

Like every year I over indulged, with a couple of monster meals and grazing on selection boxes and snacks, although I did only have the one alcoholic drink, a double Jack and coke, so there was some self control at least.

Two days after Christmas was the final weigh in, and I’d decided that in the interests of honesty I would share the results here, having previously planned not to include Christmas. I thought this was a bit of a cop out, and a bit of a faff continuity-wise. So, feeling a bit guilty for not being better, I hopped on the scale.

A gain of 2.5 lbs. Not the best, meaning that I end December two pounds heavier than I started it. Which is a bit shit. I mean, not as bad as I feared, but still, a pretty crap way to end the year.

Or at least it would be, if I didn’t consider the rest of the year.

My weight loss campaign in 2018 wasn’t a massive success, but I have come out at around half a stone lighter than I started. This is largely thanks to me making more of an effort for the last couple of months, and since September I’ve lost a decent amount.

Unfortunately, while I had hoped for a continuous downward slope on the scale, that hasn’t been the case. In fact, around the halfway point, I was heavier than I’d started in January. It’s been a stop start journey through the year, and I have to accept the blame for that. A couple of times this year I’ve just stopped bothering and taken lazy, unhealthy options. This has usually been at times when I’ve been feeling down or bad about myself anyway, but it’s a vicious circle as it just makes me more down on myself as I feel lazy, greedy and ugly.

I’m proud of the effort I put it, but there’s definite room for improvement. I need to resist using food as a comfort mechanism, it just doesn’t help.

I don’t equate my value to what’s on the scale, but I do frequently feel uncomfortable and unhappy with what I see in the mirror and how I feel within my own body. I’m not saying I’m on some quest to end up looking like a white, pale Jason Mamoa or anything, but I just want to feel more comfortable.

My goal for 2019 is to keep up a consistent weight loss regimen, resist junk food and to stop eating when I’m sated, not completely stuffed. I’m going to try to string 12 Race at Your Pace challenges together, and I’ve also got a few other things planned which I need to be a bit fitter for.

So, at the end of the year I feel a bit better about myself, happy with the efforts I’m making, if a little disappointed that I let myself down at times and didn’t do as well as I’d hoped. I’m going to have to keep what works and change what doesn’t. Anyway, I’ll see you at the end of the January, as the monthly updates will continue.

  1. Week 1 6/12- No change
  2. Week 2 13/12- down 4.5 lbs
  3. Week 3 20/12- gain 4 lbs
  4. Week 4 27/12- gain 2.5 lbs.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Fat Boy on a Diet: November Update: November to Remember

After October proved to be a bit of a mixed bag in terms of my weight loss journey, I was hoping to go forward making a few small changes and resisting temptation better.

While I have had a few indulgences over the last five weeks, I have taken a few healthier choices and thanks to Race at Your Pace and the Children in Need Countryfile Ramble I’ve been pushing myself to get out of the house a bit more, and not spend so much time on the couch.

It’s worked well, and I’m on course for my 2nd Race at Your Pace medal and smashed my first goal in the Ramble (am now aiming for 250 miles by the end of the year, and still taking sponsorship here).

I was still keeping my 2 lbs a week goal in mind, and was a little disappointed when I kicked off the month by falling short again. I lost half a pound, which meant in four weeks I’d lost half a pound, having lost, regained and then lost again the same weight.

The first week of November saw me really going for the miles, and making some good food choices. I thought I’d had a decent week but was pleasantly surprised when I stepped onto the scales at Chub Club to discover I’d lost 4.5 lbs, which put me over the half stone mark since I joined up a few months back. It also meant that I was three pounds off hitting a full stone.

The next week I missed weigh in, and going back the following week I was hopeful I could pass the half stone mark. Unfortunately, I’d only shed a solitary pound, but I was happy that I was continuing in the right direction.

Last night was the final weigh in for the month, and I wasn’t that confident. I’ve had a stinking cold the last week, which has left me pretty knackered. Exercise has been slower on several days, and I did give in to temptation a couple of times, buying chocolate and going for desserts when I possibly could have resisted. However, WoM has started a new gym trial which comes with some nutrition advice, and this turned out to be a big help.

Stepping on the scales I was hoping for a small loss at best, but was pretty surprised when it turned out I’d dropped another three pounds and was now a stone lighter.

I’m extremely pleased with how this month has gone, and while I know December will see increased temptation (family meet up and birthdays, mince pies), I’m planning to stay strong and not indulge, with Christmas as a reward/binge at the finishing line. I doubt I’ll reach the 24 lbs loss that I set as a vague goal in September, but I’m already 10.5 pounds down, and I’d like to keep up a streak of continuous losses for a second month.

I’m still in a better place emotionally too, not as negative on my body or my self, and I think this is down to the fact that I know I’m actively trying to do better rather than just going through the motions. It also helps that I’m seeing results, and that the folks at Chub Club have been really great.

Here’s hoping this cold is finally on the way out and that the weather stays nice enough for me to get in regular walks. See you in a month!

  1. Nov 1st- Down 0.5 lbs
  2. Nov 8th- Down 4.5 lbs
  3. Nov 15th- No weigh in
  4. Nov 22nd- Down 1 lbs
  5. Nov 29th- Down 3 lbs

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Fat Boy on a Diet: October Update: Falling Short, Feeling Fine

So, the new “2 lbs a week regime” didn’t work out that great, and while I was aiming to be 8 lbs lighter I’m actually only 1.5 lbs down on where I was at the end of September. Bad times.

I suspect part of this is down to the fact that I was off work for a week and as we were celebrating our first wedding anniversary, WoM and I indulged quite a lot.

While the numbers might not be that big, I have to admit that I’m feeling a lot better in myself. I’ve been more active, walking whenever I can and smashing the 10,000 step target quite a few times. I’ve got more motivation towards this recently (more on that at a later day) and if I can just stop giving in to temptation and make a few small changes, then I should be able to get back on track in November.

I want the numbers to come down, but I’m starting to realise that more important than the numbers is how I feel about myself. And I’m definitely in a more positive place than I was a few months back.

Mind you, I’ve been saying that for a while, and some of you may be thinking that I’m all talk, but I figure you gotta stay positive and you’ve got to keep trying.

Either way, see you in a month!

  1. Oct 4th-  Down 1.5 lbs
  2. Oct 11th- Down 0.5 lbs
  3. Oct 18th- No weighing
  4. Oct 25th- Up 0.5 lbs

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Fat Boy on a Diet: September Update: Good News and Goals

I’ve been trying to be good the last couple of weeks, and have exercised more regularly, routinely breaking my 10,000 steps target for each day. I’ve also taken some steps towards eating healthier, mainly by just not stuffing myself like a pig and switching to buying fruit instead of chocolate at work.

I’ve felt like I’ve lost weight and while I feared this was just my mind playing tricks on me, I’ve definitely felt better in myself over the last week or so. And I’ve actually been feeling better about myself, I mean, I’m not going to be going topless on the beach anytime soon, and not just because with autumn starting and it’ll be too damn cold. I’m a long way from being happy with what I see staring back from the mirror, but I feel more energised and less down on myself.

The weight loss wasn’t massive, but last night the scales delivered some good news and the numbers are slowly creeping back down. I don’t think that 2018 will be the roaring success I had hoped for back in January, but I should finish lighter than I started.

Now the question is, how much lighter? While reaching the weight I was before I took my second tilt at student life might take a while longer (possible target for 2019?), I should be able to shift a decent amount before Christmas.

I’ve set myself a new target, and rather than set a massive target for the end of the year, I’ve decided to be a bit more realistic. I’ve decided that my last weigh of the year will be on the 20th of December, because I want to enjoy my usual yuletide gluttony without guilt or calorie counting.

This leaves me twelve weeks. So, I’m going to hope to average a loss of 2 lbs a week. This is feasible enough, especially if I continue to exercise and resist temptation and should I be successful will mean that by December I could lose 24 lbs, which would be a little under two stone, and would mean I am successful in my resolution.

So, from now on these monthly updates won’t just be my usual ramblings, but will include a week by week breakdown of how my weigh-ins go. I’m not going to reveal any exact figures of what I weigh, because I’m not comfortable with doing that.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Fat Boy on a Diet: August Update Part 2: Saw That Coming

So, yesterday I finally climbed onto the scales for the first time in a while.

It didn’t make for good reading.

I’ve put back a bit of weight and the gains I made a couple of months back have been wiped out.

There’s no excuses, this is all on me. While I have been getting a fair amount of exercise in the form of walking more, I’ve also been guilty of snacking and overindulgence. This shit has got to stop.

It’s like I’m sabotaging myself, and when I do then check in on the scales my confidence takes a knock and I feel crappy. This cycle needs to stop, I joined the gym a while back and haven’t been yet, which speaks to my laziness, and frankly isn’t good enough. I don’t have the money to throw away, and so starting from the next payday I’m going to set aside some cash to ensure I can bus to the gym a few times every month.

Also, wasting days off on the sofa is out, and every day I’m free I will take the dog for a walk and try to eat better.

I really need to lose weight, doing so will not only help my physical health, but it will also help me mentally and curb the self loathing that strikes now and then. Dark Chris has had a field day over this news, and I was pretty low yesterday.

Time to stop talking and get doing. Hopefully the September update will show some improvement.

Not a fun post to write, and probably not that fun to read. Apologies, but still in a bit of a funk over this.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Fat Boy on a Diet: August Update: The Great Unknown

I realise that this weight update is a couple of days late, but I was away at the end of last week, and Monday was the date with the scales.


Unfortunately, I couldn’t make Chub Club on Monday evening, and so, I have no idea what my current weight is. You’d think that this would render this update pointless, but I did make it one of my resolutions to have a monthly update. So, technically I’m keeping that going.

I’m not sure how I feel about not weighing on Monday, as obviously it was bad, but on the other hand kinda good.

I say kinda good, because I’m worried that August hasn’t been a great month for me, diet-wise. I’ve stuck to it for the most part, but WoM went away last week for a few days, and my eating there wasn’t great.

Similarly, while I have done a decent amount of exercise this month, it was less than I’d intended. Thanks in part to work getting on top of me again, and the whole cramp issue. So, while I’d been hopeful for August, I don’t think I’ve made much progress.

Of course, not weighing does have it’s negatives.

I have no idea how I’ve done.

This leaves it up to my mind to make wild guesses.

Logically I know it can only have swung a little bit, but I will admit to not knowing which way it has gone. Unfortunately, logic doesn’t help silence the inner voice that tells me I’m a failure and that I’ve probably gained heaps this month.

This negative voice, who I’ll call Dark Chris (or DC), is always there in the background. Much of the time, I can silence him or defeat him with common sense. But the realm of body image and weight issues is where he shines. It’s DC who offers the unhelpful commentary when I catch sight of myself in a mirror, who tells me I’m gross when I’m all sweaty through exertion.

I weigh on Monday and hopefully will be able to shut DC up then. At least I’ll have an accurate sign of how I’m doing. There’ll be an update after that, but I’m trying really hard to be good this week.

Whether this pays off will be revealed next week for the more accurate August update.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Born to Run? Why I’m gonna start running again.

One of my major regrets is that I stopped running when I went back to university in 2013. By that point I’d been running for almost two years, and I loved it, not only was I in better shape, but it was a great chance to clear my head, it made me feel good and I just enjoyed doing it.

So, why did I stop?

Well, the first hurdle was trying to adjust to university life again. Unlike Film Studies, Nursing was a pretty intense course and I was in lectures pretty much five days a week, in the evenings I was wiped out and would just hang out with my flatmates and I didn’t fancy waking up super early for a run before lectures I found difficult.

The other issue was that living in halls put me off the idea a little. I didn’t want to come back after a run looking all sweaty, red faced and gross. I know that’s daft, but in 2013, despite being at my lightest for years, I was still massively self conscious, and cared a lot about what other people thought about me. I think moving to a new city and going back into halls had really shaken me, I was around a decade older than my flatmates and I felt a bit of an outsider. I also worried that I looked lame trying to hang out with them and that my running might be judged, which is silly and not something I should have let get under my skin.

As a result in the entire first year I managed about three runs.

It was pretty dumb as the running probably would have given me a release valve for the stresses of the course and with a Park Run a few minutes away I could probably have improved my performances over that time. Unfortunately, I just kinda let it peter out.

Of course, the major impact of this was that my weight started to creep back up, not helped by the fact that I was drinking more and eating crap.

But I think a worse effect was on my mental health and wellbeing.

I was never a super runner, I wasn’t the fastest and I didn’t cover massive distances, usually around the 8-9k mark in around an hour. And I probably looked a total mess, but the thing is, none of these things mattered.

I’ve heard of “runner’s high”, this feeling of being utterly in the zone, exhilarated and even a bit euphoric, and I totally had a version of that. After a few minutes I would find my rhythm and enter what I call the Juggernaut Zone.


This was the feeling of being unstoppable I got when I was in full flow. I’d run straight ahead, feeling that anybody on my path had best get out of my way because I felt unstoppable.

It was a great feeling, especially for someone like me, who usually felt kinda powerless or adrift. When running I had purpose, I had power. I was the Juggernaut, b***h!

I’d love to get that feeling back again. While my life is a lot better in lots of ways than it was in 2013, I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that some stuff has got worse. Not only am I physically worse now, but my body image has taken a real kicking. I’ve always been self conscious and never felt particularly proud or happy with the man in the mirror, but I know that when I was running I felt better about myself.

This wasn’t because my scales were telling me that (in fact, I was only weighing about every six months or so, if that) but because of how I felt about myself. Sure, I was tired after a run, but I’d earned that tiredness, and it was getting easier all the time. That good feeling didn’t end with the run, it carried over into my everyday life. Hell, that newfound confidence was part of what gave me the nerve to gamble with going back to university.

That might not have worked out, but I think if I hadn’t I’d probably still be working my crappy job in Swansea, living in a rented room and never would have met WoM and built the life that I have now.

I’m not saying that running is gonna cure everything, but if it helps with my weight loss and body issues, that alone will be a good thing. But I think having that outlet and doing something constructive and for myself every couple of days will make me feel a lot better in myself. And if I feel better about myself I’m probably more likely to try to better myself further.

So, I’ve downloaded a new Couch to 5k app and I’m going to give it another go. It got me there the first time, so here’s hoping it can do the trick again.

juggernaut return

It’s coming…

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Fat Boy on a Diet: June Update: Positive Steps

As a fat man I have not been flourishing in this heat, reduced to nothing more than a puddle at times, it’s hit the proposed exercise regime hard as I’ve quickly baked in the sun and required copious amounts of drinks whenever I can. This means that June’s weight loss has been a failure.

To be honest, finding this out at my last weigh in was a major kick in the teeth, and left me feeling properly shit. I decided to write a monthly update to motivate myself, but for the last couple of months it’s basically been an exercise in publicising my failures. And as the weight has crept back up I’ve found myself feeling increasingly fed up.

The warm weather doesn’t help the fat man’s self confidence, as you feel all sweaty and gross, and that’s without throwing in a marked increase in chub rub. Any misgivings you have about your physical form are amplified by the discomfort. Looking at myself in the mirror is never something I particularly enjoy, but I hate it even more when I see a sweaty mess staring back at me.

So, standing on the scales was not a fun experience.

Time for a change.

But isn’t that what I said last month? And the month before? Why, dear reader, should you put any store in this statement?

Well, because I’m putting my money where my seemingly always full mouth is. I have paid out money in my endeavour to shed some pounds (and hopefully stones).

Step one, has been rejoining Chub Club. A previous membership actually helped quite a bit. The twin pillars of a clear eating plan and more regular weigh ins should work to keep me on the right path and remained focus.


Step two is something I’m not looking forward to. Yes, even less than standing on the scales in a crowded room. I’ve joined a gym.

WoM has joined the other day and is taking part in some of the classes they put on there. I’m less keen on doing this, so will be exercising on my own. I’m figuring if I use the bikes and treadmills while WoM is in her class, maybe even start doing some weights, it may not be so bad.

My ideal gym would be made up of several contained pods, with all the gear inside. That way I could exercise without fear of how bad I look doing it. I think I need to buy some new headphones and maybe an MP3 players so I can just tune everything out and stop caring about it.

Previous experience from when I used to run tells me that after a while I’ll stop giving a damn anyway as my confidence and comfort grows. It just sucks until that kicks in and you just feel self conscious and like everyone is laughing at or judging you.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Fat Boy on a Diet: March Update: Mountains and Mirrors

I haven’t been able to hop on the scales the last couple of weeks, so I don’t know exactly where I am weight wise.

With no hard data I’m gonna have to guess how the month has gone. I think I’ve lost a fair bit this month thanks in part to all the extra walking I did for Sport Relief (I raised £175 in the end, which is a start on my “raise £1m for charity” bucket list item).

Walking with Oz

I’ve also been swimming a couple more times, and while I still suck, I’ve passed 1000m which is more than I managed between 1999 and 2017. So, that’s something, I guess.

Eating healthy has been hit and miss, with us moving house there have been a few evenings when MWF and I couldn’t be bothered to cook and opted for take aways.

Despite feeling like I’ve lost weight this month, and enjoying the extra exercise, body confidence wise I can’t say I feel great. Our new bedroom has built in wardrobe with a mirrored front.

This means that getting up in the morning, or getting ready for bed I get to see my body as big as life. And twice as ugly.

I saw old photos of myself at university this week, and think I look better now, but back then I don’t remember having the same revulsion at my reflection. Or did I just ignore it then?

For those few moments before or after sleep I am confronted with a body I dislike. I have half baked plans for working on my bucket list and trying new things, but I feel I need to scale it back and for now, just focus on slimming down.

I know I’ll never be one of those insanely ripped guys, and frankly, I don’t want to be. But I definitely want to be smaller and more comfortable and happy with what I see in the mirror.

It might take a while though.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.