Pic Post: Spelling Mistakes, Sweet Revenge and Silliness

When parking remember- Mirror, signal, maneuver, oh and don’t be a dick!

karma

Spelling mistake 1- I don’t think the dark lord is gonna be happy with this

Great sign though,

Great sign though,

Seriously, drivers, don’t be dicks.

note

Spelling mistake 2- Morons.

coffee fail

Genius advertising

guitar ad

Quality pun work

zen pun

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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Pic Post: Puns, Signs and Cool Robes

Pun in the Sun

The Sun newspaper is awful. But they do pun with the best of them.

pun

Whacky races

catrace

The deep thinking of the deep drinking

fart

Well done that, man

asian

Potential psychopath alert!

homework

Maths pun

Easy, but still fun.

piechart

Geek chic!

I really want the Chewie one.

robes

Regular readers will realize that the “Hot picture of the week” section is missing, this is because after my post about how we always seem to focus on women’s looks it just felt a bit hypocritical.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Pic Post: Roger Federer, Royals and Randomness

Easier than burying your booty I guess

ATM with “Pirate” as a language option-

piratm

Solid pun work

Wimbledon starts tomorrow so here’s a picture of Roger Federer with a quality pun added.

federerpun

Japan seems like a weird place

Japan always seems like a weird place, this is the country that has created karaoke and Pokemon for crying out loud, and those are their more normal and accessible creations. They also have form for weird inventions, including the latest beauty tool, a face slimmer, which is placed in the mouth and frankly just looks ridiculous and/or filthy.

faceslimmer

My favourite Royal photo so far

Earlier in the week wonderful pictures from Ascot emerged showing HRH Queen Elizabeth II looking thoroughly delighted when her horse came in. Whatever your political stance it’s hard not to feel happy seeing an 80-something posh lady looking ridiculously happy.

queen wins

Anyway, that was second to this rather goofy photo of Princess Eugenie photobombing her gran. (Eugenie now moves to 5th in my favourite royals list). It’s just so silly and normal, nice to see a Royal having a laugh and messing about, Big Liz doesn’t look happy though.

Royal Ascot - Day 1

Another good pun

drinking

Hot picture of the week

This week is a few years old, but here’s Jessica Alba from Sin City.

albasin

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Joke time!

A guy goes on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? and does great, he storms through every round with his “phone a friend lifeline” still in play when he gets to the million pound question.

“Which of these birds doesn’t make it’s own nest?” Chris Tarrant asks. “A- Gosshawk, B- Flamingo, C- Nightjar or D- Cuckoo”

Suddenly the pressure gets to our man and his mind goes completely blank. The fear of losing out on a million causes him to panic and while he has an inkling he’s lost all confidence in himself and second guesses himself.

He takes his lifeline and they ring his buddy, Pat, who’s mainly there if sporting questions came up. Pat answers the phone and hears the question. Without hesitation, Patrick says “It’s D! Cuckoo. Easy one!”

Our hero follows his friend’s advice and wins the money. A few days later he pops round Pat’s to thank him, take him for a pint and give him a bit of the winnings.

“I gotta say, Pat, I was worried. I didn’t know if you knew anything about birds.”

“Oh, come on, it was pretty easy.” Pat smiles. “Everyone knows cuckoo’s don’t build nests. They live in clocks!”

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Pic Post: Star Wars Special

Because of today’s date, today’s blog is Star Wars themed.

sw may

Stormtrooper Stress 1

sw stormtrooper stress

Yoda’s schooldays

sw yodacartoon

Stormtrooper Stress 2

sw stormtrooper stress 02

Pie Chart

sw yodagraph

Hot Picture of the Week

I know you were expecting slavegirl Leia, but I saw this picture of Carrie Fisher years ago and thought she looked foxy as hell. Leia may be one of my favourite female sci-fi characters ever.

swfisher

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Pic Posts: Facts, Puns and Names

Geek joke time!

lukewarm

Best swimming pool sign ever

poolsign

NOOOOOOOOO!

He was bringing you cookies, dammit!

mrniceguy

Animal Magic

Never let it be said that this blog isn’t educational.

antelopefact

Awkward

namechange

Ouch.

Hot picture of the week

I always feel a little bad for Kelly Rowland, she’s had a few tracks that I’ve really liked (“Dilemma” and “Commander”) and she is flat out gorgeous, but she’s always going to be in Beyonce’s shadow, but here I’m going to show my appreciation for the stunning Miss Rowland.

kellyrowland

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Toothless: Least favourite ad of the moment

Ah, January.

The time of year when in Britain where we all try and recover from gorging on mince pies, spend wildly in the sales and, of course, complain. According to “scientists” January includes Blue Monday, the saddest day of the year. Of course, this is entirely arbitrary and not taken seriously by anybody apart from newspapers and local radio DJs desperate for content.

The idea that there can be one day of the year which is the saddest is nonsense, because while for some this Monday, for it is apparently that day, will be a sad day for some you have to consider that for others it’s probably going to be a good one. I mean, given how quickly she’s going through them, Monday will probably be the day some lucky so-and-so gets to date Taylor Swift.

When's gonna be my turn? I don't even mind if she writes a song about me...

When’s gonna be my turn? I don’t even mind if she writes a song about me…

But as much bollocks as this “science” is, it does kind of make sense. By the Monday of the last week of January the Christmas afterglow has truly evaporated, the weather is rubbish and for single folk there’s the rumbling of approaching Valentine’s Day. Also, it’s before a lot of people get paid so money is tight. Plus, you know, it’s a Monday.

Anyway, attempting to alleviate the January blues/cash in on it is The Sun newspaper.

sun

I have mixed feelings on the Sun, at times I loathe it with an intense passion and at others I’m indifferent. I can’t recall ever buying a copy, but if there’s a paper lying around I’ll usually pick it up for a quick read, even if it’s something I detest, like the D***y M**l. And while the Sun is usually filled with fluff, ignorance, xenophobia and hyperbole, there are a few sections I quite enjoy:

  • Page 3- Look, I’m a dude and I like boobs, okay?
  • Dear Deidre- The paper’s agony aunt is usually rich with schadenfreude and idiots, and also there’s the photo casebook where regardless of the problem it’s illustrated by having sexy models fretting about it. Seriously, they could do a story about someone suspecting their neighbour of being a Nazi war criminal in hiding and the suspicious neighbour would be a buxom blonde wondering what to do as she sits around in her smalls.
  • The comics- Unlike other papers which feature three panel gags, the Sun has a bizarre footballing related strip which seems to be a cross of Roy of the Rovers and Sunset Beach, it’s so weird it’s engrossing.
  • Horoscopes- Enjoyable bollocks regardless of the source
  • Puns- Say what you want, but few can rival the paper for punning or jokey headlines.
Some of the Sun's finest work.

Some of the Sun’s finest work.

Russell Brand, a funnier and sometimes cleverer man than me, explained his stance on the paper by comparing it to a friend “but do any of you have a friend who you f**king hate?!” at the Secret Policeman’s Ball (video here).

The “Big Smile Giveaway” is another of the paper’s plans to make them look friendly, nice and help us forget the whole phone tapping thing. Now, I don’t have a problem with the campaign, and them giving offers to folk is fair enough, but what drives me up the wall is the irritating advert they’ve crafted for it.

The advert features a little girl delivering a sing song where she lists all the bad things about the first month of the year and how this can be remedied thanks to a combination of boy bands and the benevolence of the nation’s favourite red top. Here it is:

Now, I have several problems with this advert, and without sounding too harsh, most of them are because of the bloody kid!

First of all, I can’t help feeling that even in the swamp of precocious little gits and smug moppets there must have been a better choice of actress. Don’t get me wrong, the kid’s cute and all that but her performance is awful. There are parts of the advert where her little song’s lyrics are indecipherable and I find myself looking at the TV thinking “You what?” or wanting to go all Samuel L Jackson on her- “English, motherf**ker, do you speak it?”

Another issue with the advert is why the hell does a little girl care about paydays, takeaways and whatever else she garbles out? You’re a bloody kid, also, the ingratitude at the start over her Christmas presents? How is that anything other than insufferably bratty?

But the worst, the absolute worst, is the missing teeth.

I’ve got nothing against people who don’t have all their teeth, I love my Nan, for one, and also, as a kid I spent what seems like years missing my two front teeth after headbutting a door. But what grinds my gears about this advert is that they’ve clearly decided to go with this girl despite her inability to speak clearly because the missing teeth makes her cuter.

Which, given the cutthroat world of acting and some of the mental “stage moms” out there makes me worried that they may have been knocked out deliberately to give her an edge.

There are few things more annoying than a kid who is aware that they’re cute or thinks they are, and that’s the vibe I get from this advert, that they’re trying to be cutesy and sweet to dupe the sentimental and soft-headed. Well, it ain’t working on this cat. It’s just a sickeningly twee advert which due to it’s heavy rotation and annoying central performer has made me come up with a second theory of how she came to be missing teeth. Maybe somebody on set was so infuriated by the first take they ran up and smacked her in the mouth.

Ironically, this advert is one of the things that has annoyed me most about January. Roll on February, when this abomination will leave our screens, I’d even prefer the bombardment of ballads and hearts that herald Valentine’s Day.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Pic Post: Puns, Pizza and Public Transport Awesomeness

Words of Wisdom 1- Stephen Fry

Mr Fry, being his usual awesome self.

fryawesome

Best Bus Driver Ever

In my experience bus drivers are usually a grumpy, rude bunch, but this guy sounds pretty cool.

awesomedriver

Words of Wisdom 2- Sponge

This is why I want to travel more, and try to be more outgoing and sociable.

meetandlearn

Lateral Thinking

This, if true, is some very fine problem solving work.

clever

Words of Wisdom 3- Chewbacca 

I saw this the other day and it made me laugh like a drain.

chewiequote

Brilliant Pun Work

tumblr_lz3qp6rmZo1qifo24o1_500

Truth

daydreams

Hot Picture of the Week

I’ve been a massive fan of Ali Larter’s for years, ever since her whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues, so this picture of her in a kind of sexy cavegirl get-up ticks all the boxes for me.

alilartercavegirl

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Yet another of my favourite jokes.

Time kind of got away from me today and I have to dash off to work in a few minutes, so here’s a joke rather than a proper post. Apologies.

What do you call a mushroom that goes out to bars, buys everyone drinks and parties all night?

A fungi to be around.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


My Favourite Films #7: Airplane!

“Surely there must be something you can do.”
“I’m doing everything I can….and stop calling me Shirley”

That simple, daft gag is one of the most famous moments from Airplane! and is possibly one of the most well known comedy lines in cinema history. Its also an example of what makes this film so brilliant, yes the jokes might be daft, even childish at times, but its a film that can make you laugh on repeat viewings and deserves its reputation as a comedy classic.

Spoofing the 1970s disaster movie cycle it concerns an LA to Chicago flight which runs into problems when the crew are struck down with food poisoning. The only hope is Ted (Robert Hays) an ex air force pilot who’s confidence has been shattered by his experiences during “the war”. He’s onboard to try and win back his love, Elaine (Julie Hagerty), an air stewardess. Can Ted overcome his demons and land the plane safely?

The plot is basically just there to allow them to poke fun at genre conventions and link all the scattershot gags, but as opposed to the 2000 spoof cycle (Scary Movie etc.) the film works because it sticks to one major plot which is the framework for all of the jokes, rather than just stringing together a sequence of nods to other movies. Its a much better way of doing things as despite the relentless speed of the jokes being thrown at the audience there is still a structure to follow and it makes sense.

The narrative also follows the genre its spoofing, the ensemble disaster flicks which were booming in the 70s (Airport, The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake, The Towering Inferno). In fact, the film is loosely a remake of the 1957 flick Zero Hour! only turned into a comedy, and uses the traditional genre conventions like the hero overcoming personal demons (it also lifts dialogue from the film, with the “The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn’t have fish for dinner.” line being scarily close to a proper line).

One of the film’s major strengths is its elder statesmen cast- Robert Stack, Peter Graves, Lloyd Bridges and Leslie Nielsen, who were mainly known for their serious, mainstream roles (Graves was the lead in the Mission: Impossible TV series, Stack was Eliot Ness in The Untouchables TV show). I’ve read differing accounts that say not all of the cast got what the makers were going for, but if they didn’t their ultra serious deadpan delivery of much of the dialogue only serves to make the film even funnier.

Bridges and Stack

Nielsen and Bridges both came from serious old school Hollywood backgrounds (between them they appeared in films like The Poseidon Adventure, High Noon and The Forbidden Planet) but seemed to easily get to grips with the film’s ridiculousness and would continue to work in the spoof genre, with Bridges appearing in Hot Shots! while Nielsen would become king of the genre, appearing in the Naked Gun series along with several other spoofs.

The late, great Leslie Nielsen, king of the spoofs.

Another great piece of casting was LA Lakers basketball star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as the co-pilot, which could be seen as a nod sportsmen like OJ Simpson, Jim Brown and Fred Williamson appearing in films, and results in one of the movie’s funniest scenes where Abdul-Jabbar, having been criticized by a young boy breaks character and angrily justifies his sporting performances. Its a funny moment because of the sheer randomness and the kid’s reaction to Abdul-Jabbar’s rage is brilliant, like much of the humour in the film it doesn’t make any kind of sense.

The real gift of the film is the script, which whips along at a hell of a clip and keeps up a steady stream of gags, there’s a kind of “Didn’t like that joke, don’t worry, there are 3 more on the way” approach and it mixes delightfully daft puns and wordplay in with slapstick and bizarre visual gags. There are odd little throw away gags along with some nice running jokes (Lloyd Bridges’ “Looks like I picked the wrong week to…” and the jive talking passengers spring to mind). The deadpan deliveries also take their place along some quality OTT comedy acting.

There’s also an undercurrent of darker, more grown up humour including children delivering adult dialogue (“No thank you, I take it black, like my men”) or the uneasy questions that Captain Oveur (Graves) asks the young boy who visits the cockpit.

Its one of those films where its hard to select good moments to discuss because there are so many you’d wind up just writing an extremely long list.

Its rightfully regarded as a classic movie and routinely ranks highly on lists and polls to find the funniest films, and it deserves all those plaudits. If you’ve never seen it before I urge you to check it out because it’ll have you crying with laughter, and if you have seen it before watch it again because it definitely stands up to repeat viewings.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.