All washed up at 28?

I’ve written before about Tinder, the dating app, and how if I wasn’t lucky enough to have MWG in my life I’d still avoid it. While all dating sites rely on pictures for people to , Tinder seems more superficial than most, and I ain’t exactly the kinda dude who gives a great first impression.

Anyway, if I was against it before I’m even more opposed to it now.

They’ve recently launched Tinder Plus, where you can pay extra for special features like unlimited likes (you have a cap at present, apparently) and the ability to rewind if you regret rejecting someone. I’m sure for some users these are attractive extras, although a friend who’s on it has decided not to go for it.

I get why Tinder is doing it. Money.

They probably make a healthy wedge from just advertising, but they still offer the app for free, so they’re not making as much as they could, and while not everyone will go for Plus, some will and that’s just cash in their pocket.

The thing that I find really dodgy is the pricing scheme. The upgrade costs £3.99 per month, which isn’t too bad, and still cheaper than most dating sites.

But, if you’re over 28 it’ll set you back £14.99 a month. That’s almost 3 times as much.

I guess you could argue that Tinder are being sensible, and that many folks in their early 20s are going to be students, recent graduates or in low level jobs, thus having less cash to burn. By 28, most cats have got things together a bit more, with serious jobs and whatnot (I love to buck a trend) and, if single, will have more disposable income.

But at the same time it seems a bit unfair. Firstly, 28 is a bit of a random age to select, it’s like punishing folks for missing out on the 27 Club or something.

Secondly, they are getting the same service, and charging them extra seems petty and like Tinder are shooting themselves in the foot a bit. I mean, a lot more folks are going to be willing to fork out £3.99 than £14.99, so upping the price for over 28s probably means that less people are going to sign up for it, and just continue to use the free version.

It’s already questionable asking folks to pay for something they’ve been getting for free, and asking them to pay extra because they’re older is even shakier ground.

When I was single and using dating sites (thank the gods that’s over), I didn’t always have a full membership to save money, and when I did upgrade it was for a short period. I didn’t like paying, and I sure as hell would have disliked it more if other folks were getting it for cheaper. Tinder’s quick and free usage is probably a major draw for many users, and changing that formula might drive members to other apps and sites.

It’s also a bit surprising that at 28 folks will actually be falling victim to ageism, which is normally something that effects the very old or very young.

Also, Tinder’s youth orientated approach might backfire as we’re all getting older, and many of their members will be 28 someday and this might drive them away at that point. Tinder is probably more popular with younger people anyway, so creating a barrier to older users isn’t necessary, as older folks are more likely to feel similar to me, and find it an unappealing prospect.

The whole strategy just seems a bit daft, and a universal £3.99 cost would have made more sense. And been fairer.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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Nudes?

When I was single I dabbled in online dating, but thankfully I found MWG and I’ve escaped that confusing, nerve wracking world for the better (even if she has belched spectacularly, right in my face).

One site I never got involved with was Tinder, because it seemed totally bizarre that you’d make a judgment based on a single photo. Yeah, that’s totally why, not some massive fear that everyone would swipe left when confronted by my face. It took a long time to win MWG over, and wear down her defences, love at first sight might exist, but not when you have a mug like mine.

Anyway, while I’ve never joined Tinder I’ve “played” on it a lot. Playing on Tinder involves using your friend’s account and involves using one or more of these strategies for approving profiles:

  1. People you think your friend would go for
  2. People you think your friend would never go for
  3. The flat out weirdos (by this I mean people who have interesting photos where they’re dressed bizarrely not the ones who seem properly scary)

You then see the responses. I’ve played this for a few friends and I’m not alone, as I’ve seen MWG play for friends too. Although she avoids the weirdos because she’s a lot nicer than me.

Anyway, the other day I was playing for a female friend, and actually going for guys that might actually work out for her.

A few guys sent messages, and I typed for my friend, in a mainly jokey fashion. Most of them were okay but one guy instantly annoyed me. His opening gambit was “Nudes?”

That’s all it said. No run up, no attempt to make even a minor connection just straight to asking for nude photos. I mean, dude, come on.

Who does that? (Now is when lots of girls will be going, “Duh, men!” At their screen but I thought even internet pervs would lay some groundwork first)

I’ve been with MWG for six months now, and I’d still ask a bit more politely for a naked picture. In fact the only time I’d send the message “Nudes?” Is if their display name was Nudes and it’d be more “Seriously, your name is Nudes?” And even then I’d probably use the longer sentence.

I know Tinder’s used a lot for hookups, but even then show some damn respect. Just because someone’s looking for casual sex doesn’t mean you can be rude to them.

My friend wasn’t looking for casual sex, and if I’m being honest doesn’t look like someone who’s likely to send nude photos to a complete stranger.

I guess that’s a judgment on my behalf, and I’m not sure what a nude photo sender would look like, I think it’s safe to assume that nobody is opening their conversation by sending a nude photo and I doubt the guy has much success with this approach.

I hope not, and I also hope that when the rejections pile up he at least has the self-awareness to acknowledge the fault probably lies with his approach and not the women he’s approached.

For one thing he’s coming off as a total creep and secondly, surely everyone’s a bit more careful about sending nudes nowadays, thanks to the Jennifer Lawrence scandal and stuff. I mean, you hear about “revenge porn” and that’s from people who have some emotional connection, or at least had, to the subject of the photos. Why would you trust a total stranger with a naked photo?

Especially some rude douche off Tinder. Seriously, guy, not cool.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


If at first you don’t succeed, try another 4,999 times

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take- Wayne Gretzky 

Online dating can be a frustrating experience. You look for people who catch your eye and read their profile before firing off a couple of messages to try and break the ice.

Writing those messages is kinda tough. I always try to pick up on what the girl has on her profile and get the tone right, friendly and light, steering clear of being creepy.

I won’t lie, I don’t always get replies. That’s the nature of the game, you might not be someone’s cup of tea, or they may have had lots of messages and no time to reply. You just move on and try again.

Online dating is something of a numbers game, unless you win the love lottery and wind up with a serious contender for future life partner right off the bat. You have to read a lot of profiles and send out a lot of messages, that’s how it works, even if after a while it can feel a bit demoralizing.

Bearing this in mind I was rather impressed with a recent story I read which revealed that a dude in Serbia had sent messages to 5000 women on Facebook looking for a date.

I felt bad for the dude who admits that he has problems talking to woman face to face. I get that, and the internet does make it easier. Although at the same time it has it’s flaws, like I said, I always worry that I’m getting the tone wrong and going to come across as a creep, intent and tone is harder to read in text than face-to-face.

There’s also the fact that online dating is primarily looks based. Your profile picture has to encourage people to want to find more, which isn’t ideal for an ugly son of a bitch like me. In person, and with Dutch courage, I can chat to someone I like and hopefully do so in a goofy, funny way that doesn’t result in them being offended or with me crossing a line.

As I’ve got older I’ve found it a bit easier to approach people and a bit better at knowing when to leave without overstaying my welcome.

Now this dude, clearly feels to nervous to do that and uses social network. I don’t know what he puts in his messages, but it seems from that article that he seems to genuinely just want to fall in love, so I can’t see him sending anything seriously creepy, although he may be coming on a bit strong. And the fact that he’s messaging women he has no connection to might be unsettling for them.

But it’s the numbers I admire.

To have the strength to just keep trying. I think if I was consistently not getting any response (only 15 have got back in touch with him) I’d knock it on it’s head. Just live single for a while, because, honestly, while I have spells where it bugs the hell out of me, for the most part I’m okay, my natural shallowness allowing me to easily distract myself with music, books, movies and Mario Kart.

But this guy just picks himself up, dusts himself off and keeps looking. It might have got him negative attention and I do think he’s going about it the wrong way,perhaps he should go on a dating site instead of just randomly messaging women on Facebook. On dating sites you know what they’re looking for, and actually seeking a relationship. And while it’s a numbers game he might benefit from picking prospective partners with a higher level of discretion.

Anyway, I hope that he finds someone eventually.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Pigs might fly. But they probably won’t (Another Josie Cunningham post)

Last time I posted about Josie Cunningham the “NHS boob job girl” I mentioned how she wasn’t going to be in Celebrity Big Brother but had new projects in the works, and wished her luck with those.

Today, I discovered what one of those projects was.

It turns out that Josie is the face for a new dating site, which has been created for “average looking women” and supposedly men too.

Now, this wouldn’t be too bad, I mean, aside from the obvious flaw in having a site that calls its members “average” which while not an insult is some way off from being a compliment. But, maybe, just maybe it could overcome all this and actually be a decent thing.

And then I found out what the site is called: Pull the Pig.

The mind boggles as to what the reasoning behind this name is. It’s needlessly insulting to people you’re trying to draw in and can’t really be passed off as a tongue in cheek joke. It’s just plain odd.

As an online dating veteran (3 websites, off and on for a couple of years resulting in a handful of dates, although am working on a couple more) I decided to scope out the site and see what the hell is going on over there.

Not a lot, as of the time of writing. It seems a lot like another site I was a member of which catered to the more voluptuous woman and the men who were attracted to that type. They don’t appear to be linked, but there is another similarity-

The site I joined had partner sites, catering for different interests or relationship sought, but would share the info from all of the sites they ran. Meaning if you joined the site looking for curvy ladies, your profile would be shown on sites for people who love steam trains, or whatever.

And that might explain why when I set up an account on Pull the Pig, there were women there. I can’t imagine many women would want to join a site where they are described as a “pig” or “achievable looking”, so I suspect that many are actually members on other, less demeaning sites. This may cause all manner of communication breakdown and awkwardness.

I’ve joined the site, to have a snoop around, and so it now the “average looking” women can see this below average man, and will report back if anything occurs on there. But I can’t see myself forking out the £19.99 for a month of full membership.

There’s also a pop at Katie Price on there, which feels unnecessary and merely serving to try and drag out Josie’s feud with her (too tedious to detail) and get more press coverage.

I’m still stunned by the crude design and approach of the site, most notably in the terrible picture they used as promotion, which features Josie.

Josie  Cunningham pull the Pig dating website as she has a go at Katie Price

It’s just such a cheap, tacky looking photo. The primary feeling it gives me is embarrassment, it looks as though the shoot was rushed with Josie being given her tiny bow and cupid wings and told to strip down to her smalls and stand behind the pig. Could they not have at least let put her hair down?

I’m not versed in PR and this might generate a lot of hype (hell, I’m writing about it so it clearly works as attention grabbing) but it still feels like a mistake. It’s just going to give the army of Twitter trolls who are hounding Josie more ammunition and it doesn’t show her in a great way, it looks almost deliberately degrading and humiliating.

I think this is a mistake by Josie and whoever’s advising her. This isn’t going to help her dream of building a career as a model and celebrity, or prove her critics wrong, it’s just giving them another chance to laugh at her, call her names and troll her.

I have to hope that Josie is getting well paid for this, but I can’t shake the feeling that someone else is going to be coining it in and is just using Josie for cheap heat in the press, and doesn’t mind how bad she looks in the process.

Like I said, I’ll let you know what happens for me on the site.

Read the snarky story here.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

 


Book Review: Drinking My Way Through 14 Dating Websites by Tiffany Peon

One of the best things about owning a Kindle is that you can get these cheap little books that otherwise I probably wouldn’t stumble across, like this one.

Peon is in her early 20s, living in New York and reeling from a recent break up, but decides to buck herself up by starting a social experiment and signing up for a whole mess of dating sites and writing about her experiences on a blog, and later this book.

drinking

It’s quite a fun light read and made me aware of dating sites I was previously unaware of (one dedicated to fans of Ayn Rand, another which only admits “Hot” members, although this may be a false claim to foster an image of exclusivity) along the major ones, while also trying her hand at speed dating.

Peon’s quite a relaxed, amiable writer and I imagine her blog of her adventures  was quite entertaining, but the book is a bit lacking in funny stories and she gives her dates short shrift. Mainly because she’s more focused on her life away from dates and they mainly serve to teach her a few lessons that help her get back with her ex on a surer footing. This is all well and good, but not what the title suggests you’re going to get.

The dates she goes on are interesting enough, and it’s a nice insight into the world of dating stateside, but there aren’t any stand out anecdotes or nutters, in fact many are, as Peon herself says “boring”.

But it’s a nice enough way to pass the time and Peon has a certain charm in her friendly, open writing.

Verdict: A nice, quick easy read. Peon is pleasant company but the book is fairly low on incident and nowhere near fun as I’d hoped. 6/10.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Sometimes you just want to watch Con Air: Online Dating Stories

I’m a member of an online dating website, which is free to join and named after a saying associated with dating. I go on every now and then, have a look around and fire off a few messages, usually with little success.

Today I had one of those visits and stumbled across a girl who seemed pretty cool, we had a few overlapping interests, I found her attractive and interesting, and so I decided to send her a message.

But then the website told me I couldn’t message her.

This is one of the features of the website, you can set up conditions for who can contact you. Y’know so you don’t get hassled by people way older than you or users without pictures, stuff like that. It’s a good feature.

One of the things you can set up is that only other members looking for the same thing can contact you. For example, if you’re looking for a serious commitment it can stop people who are just trying to found no string flings.

I think this is what stopped me from contacting the lady.

Here’s the thing, I want a girlfriend. A proper one- commitment, walks on the beach, nights on the sofa, late night chats, a plus one for social occasions- I want all of that.

However, I’m a dude, and well, sometimes my intentions are less pure. I have, occasionally, in the past, searched for women who were wanting less of a commitment.

Now, here’s where I think the website has a flaw. I mean, sure I get that people who want a proper relationship don’t want to be hassled by someone who’s just looking to hook up. It means nobody wastes anybody else’s time.

But I think like me, people aren’t always looking for the same thing. It can change.

I’m now going to use a metaphor to illustrate this. It’s a little convoluted but bear with me.

I’m a member of a film streaming site, and it lets me make a little list of flicks I want to watch. I’m trawling through the site’s database and I’m looking for some awesome, classic movies to watch. A movie I can sit down and really get stuck into.

For example, The Godfather– it’s a great movie, awesome performances and script, beautifully shot and a genuine classic.

godfather

But The Godfather hasn’t been added to the database/selection yet.

And sometimes you’re just not in the mood for that kind of film. I mean, The Godfather is kinda heavy, and it’s about 3 hours long. As great as that movie is, and as much as I love it, it’d be daft to suggest that’s what I want to watch all the time. I mean, when I’m watching The Godfather it’s a different story, I have no desire to watch any other movie, I’m totally dedicated and committed to watching The Godfather.

One evening I’m just sat around the house and I’m bored, and it’s been a rough week and I just want to watch something simple and fun. Let’s say I want to watch Con Air.

con air

It’s trashy and dumb, but it’s a whole heap of fun.

So, I watch Con Air, but then a while later I log onto the site and The Godfather has been added. So I decide to watch it, but the site won’t let me because I’ve watched Con Air.

Basically what I’m saying is- a hook up is Con Air, and The Godfather is a relationship.

When I don’t have either I can choose between the two, but I don’t see why opting for one rules me out of getting the other.

I appreciate the site has a reason for this, but it just seems short sighted. I mean, and I don’t mean to sound crass, but there are going to be people on a dating site that you can see yourself being with in a relationship and there are others you can see yourself being with for a shorter period of time.

When I set up my profile I said I was looking to date, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look around for other options, does it?

And also, what if you start off looking for casual things but then as time goes by your outlook changes, you want different things but you can’t get them because of what you previously wanted.

When I was a kid I wanted McDonalds, now I want a higher standard of food.

My brief desire for something simpler and less committed has meant that I’ve lost out on someone who could potentially have been a serious partner.

Or could have ignored my message like most of the other girls.

It’s just been bugging me.

That sense that I may have messed it up by trying to please my baser urges, but also the fact that the whole site scuppers you because of that. It should make the decision based on what it says on your profile and mine says I’m looking for a relationship. That would be a fairer way of judging what someone’s after and also give people room to change their minds.

Sorry if that didn’t all make sense, was watching Castle and am rather tired.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


A Single Dude’s Views on Valentine’s Day

Today is Valentine’s day, when couples around the world will be exchanging gifts, cards and piling pressure on themselves to make this evening special and magical.

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be one of those whining “It’s a con made by card companies” rants from a bitter singleton or a “I love being single, and it totally doesn’t bother me” thing, this is just me rambling on about V-day.

Here’s the thing, I’m not going to lie, like most single folks I wouldn’t mind having someone to spend Valentine’s with and also, like most single folks, the holiday does bug me a little.

Just a little, in the way it bugs me when there’s a Bank Holiday and I have to work, that sense that most people are enjoying something that I’m not a part of. So the adverts and mentions of it irk me a little, but it’s not like I’m sitting grumbling into a glass of Scotch or going to the park to throw rocks at old couples.

tedrocks

Most of the time being single is just a low level bother in the background, like having a minor cold or needing a haircut. You can probably sort it out if you made the effort, but you can get by as it stands. All Valentine’s day does is put this problem front and centre for a couple of days, I say a couple of days because you’re also bombarded with pre-V day ads and e-mails offering you romantic deals.

The thing that stops me from being a bitter singleton is that I’m a soft git and I quite like seeing slushy romantic stuff. I find couples who have the guts to engage in PDA rather sweet (to a point) and I like seeing people being happy. I also like to think that all that stuff is still going to be part of my future.

This is the kind of thing I like, a cool idea where a library did a Valentine's theme mystery book thing.

This is the kind of sweet thing I like, a cool idea where a library did a Valentine’s theme mystery book thing.

My love life may have stalled, and I’m somewhat guilty of not putting in much effort (my resolution to socialize more is really not working out, although I do have a few things coming up) and my online dating isn’t really working out. I’m never going to have a picture that stops people and makes them instantly swoon, but I think it’s about time I got a new one, because my old one, where I have longer hair and am a little heavier clearly isn’t working.

Seriously, the other day I got messaged by this girl who’d clicked she wanted to meet me, but her first question was whether I was a guy or a girl. Yeah, that one hurt.

This guy might get more responses than me.

This guy might get more responses than me.

I mean, there are advantages to being single. For example, I get to save some cash. Apparently women buy more cards, but men spend more. It does seem as though V-day is mainly focused on the bloke treating his special lady, which I’ve always felt was a tad unfair, and was probably why some people invented “Steak and Blow Job Day” to redress the balance in March.

vdaytrap

 

It’s easier for one thing and it means I don’t have to worry about things like keeping my room tidy or making my plans around anyone else’s timetable.

Although I would happily sacrifice these minor, almost insignificant perks if I met a girl I liked.

Which brings me to the one aspect of V-day that bugged me the most this year. It made me feel old, and isolated. I blame David Mitchell for this.

In his book Mitchell mentions that in his 20s part of the reason he didn’t date much was that you don’t really have as many crushes as an adult. And this is kind of true, I’ve met girls I’ve liked, had a few mini crushes but I’ve not had a massive crush since uni really.

I think this is because I’m getting old and have other stuff to think about, and my hormones aren’t as out of control as they were.

It’s kind of a drag though, I had crushes throughout school and uni, usually just one at a time, and while they weren’t without problems (unrequited love/lust is a bitch, as is being incredibly awkward around someone every time you see them) they felt like you maybe had a chance because you were focused on winning one person over. Ironically, the only proper girlfriend I’ve ever had was someone I had a crush on but when we finally got together I was actually pursuing someone else, in my own cack-handed extremely unsuccessful way.

But part of me worries that the dearth of proper crushes is actually a sign that on some level I’ve given up.

Although for all we know this could be one of those “when you least expect it” stories.

Ah, well, que sera, sera.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Eyes Wide Shut or Thoughts on online dating

My largely fruitless quest to find love, or at least some dates, online continues. I’m a member on Plenty of Fish which allows you to send messages and view pages without paying, which is nice.

I keep dipping in and out of it, checking my new matches every now and then, but maybe it’s because of Christmas coming up (aside from Valentine’s Day the most annoying time of the year to be single) or the fact that a few of my coworkers have asked about my love life that’s spurred me on to be a bit more proactive and get involved a bit more on there the last few days. So here are a few of the thoughts I’ve had recently regarding online dating.

New look

I’ve recently had a haircut and along with the weight loss I think I’m looking better than I was before, especially as in recent weeks I’ve had a few occasions to tidy myself up a little and while I’m far from Clooney there is a bit of an improvement. So I thought to myself maybe its a time to update my picture, as the one I’m using at the moment is from back in March when I did my Sport Relief run.

Now I’ve had my photo taken a couple of times recently, which is something I hate, but I thought I’d have a look through and maybe find one I could use.

I didn’t.

Of the handful of pictures I found none are usable, a couple are blurry and in two of the others I have my eyes closed, Earl Hickey style. Worst of all in one I appear to have been caught mid-blink so I just have this look that I’m drunk, undead or suffering from some form of head injury.

earl

What are the chances? And I don’t want to take a self pic in the mirror and show the mess that is my bedroom and I just feel a bit lame asking a friend to take a picture of me. I am hoping to have a few nights out in the coming weeks so maybe someone will bring a camera and a semi-decent pic will come up on Facebook that I can use.

And now we play the waiting game…

In the last couple of days, seized by new energy I’ve sent messages to 9 girls and now comes the uncomfortable wait for them to get back in touch.

This is annoying as for the first couple of days you can content yourself by saying they might not have checked it out yet, but say 3-5 days in you know that they’ve probably read it and just decided you’re not for them. Which is fair enough, but still sucks.

Its basically a few days of nervous anticipation followed by rejection and moping.

Realistic or defeatist?

I’ve noticed that when I’m on dating sites, or even in real life, I have this habit of instantly disregarding the most attractive girls available. I kind of just see them and assume that I don’t have a chance and let it be.

I was patting myself on the back the other day, content with my wisdom, realism and the fact I don’t have any delusions about my appeal when I got thinking and maybe its not a good thing and is just a kind of cowardly, defeatist move.

A discussion with someone the other day came to the love life and when they asked me if I’d ever consider making a move on a mutual acquaintance I said no because I felt they were “out of my league”, the person I was talking to said that was rubbish and there are no leagues, just people.

I got their point, and do see a problem with my ranking girls in this way, not least because it feels rather shallow and horrible now that I think of it.

Also, I just want to make it clear that I find the girls I’m messaging attractive, I just mean that there are some who I’ll see and automatically skip past having decided “Yeah, she’s far too good for the likes of me”, whereas there are others I’ll think are pretty and decide to reach out to.

I’m not sure what informs this decision, but I make it time and time again, and it just feels bad that I’m classing in a certain group of girls as being superior to others.

Its not just looks, if a girl shows the trappings of being sophisticated I’ll move away, which kind of reveals that I have a bit of a low opinion of myself. Maybe I should just get over myself and if I like the look of someone and their profile send them a message, even if that little voice in my head is telling me I don’t have a shot.

Blood in the water

Looking through the other day and saw one woman who had included this on her profile:

Hi, just lost my partner to another woman badly need cheering up anyone out there want me xxx

My heart went out to the girl, but at the same time I felt she was making a bit of a mistake. It just seemed to me to be exposing too much of yourself, revealing your history and also kind of desperate.

Sadly, online dating has the same douche bags as the real world, and this is like ringing the dinner bell for every shark and dog out there to come after a weaker member of the herd.

I just think that people need to remember not to reveal too much online and also that they’re trying to sell themselves to prospective partners and thus you shouldn’t draw attention to any baggage you might have.

Out

I stumbled across this girl who seemed quite attractive and I read her profile. Aside from a few dating cliches and terrible spelling and grammar she seemed okay, until I hit this section of her profile where she writes:

no offence buhh I’m looking for someone white…do not like foreigners Indian or black guys…im not racist buhhh its from personal preference

Yeah, we’re done here, lady.

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people. I know a lot of cats have a “type” that they like but specifying what race you’re looking for is disgusting and stupid, especially in this way. I mean, why put it in your profile, it makes you look like a racist t**t, no matter how much you try to deny that you are. Although maybe we should thank this young lady for being so upfront as now any sensible, decent bloke is going to bail out at this point and anyone who sticks around is probably a massive d**khead and ideally suited for this idiot.

Oh, and that “buhh” thing is f**king annoying too. How is that better or easier than just putting “but”, you moron?!

Lack of confidence

Even at a keyboard I’m nervous with girls and spend a while trying not to sound like a douche in my messages, and I sometimes worry that in my efforts to avoid appearing sleazy or arrogant I’m making myself seem like a bit of a creep or

I just wish I had the swagger to try saying something like this:

cocky

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO


What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

Since I’ve joined a dating site I’ve stumbled across the profiles of a handful of girls I already knew. These included old classmates from school, a girl I once fooled around with at a gig and most recently some colleagues.

I find it really weird when I’m looking through my “matches” and suddenly I see a familiar face. The thing is, while I may have found some of these girls attractive (I was quite smitten with one of the girls from school back in the day) it makes me rather uncomfortable, I mean, aside from these blogs I like to keep my online dating on the quiet (almost put “on the down-low” but realized it would make me sound like a douche).

I think I’ve mentioned in the past that I have a kind of old school view of internet dating seeing it as being a little bit lame, despite the fact that I am one of the people who use it.

Anyway, the other thing about seeing people I know on dating sites is that when I see their picture pop up I really want to read their profile, mainly to get some insight into what they’re looking for and how they see themselves. I’d say this is almost entirely curiosity, with about a 90-10 split of curiosity versus actual attraction.

The thing is, when I check out their profiles I always feel a little nervous as the site I’m a member of lets you see who’s viewed you, so I’m worried they’re going to see my profile too, which could be bad for various reasons:

  1. It could open me up to ridicule if they told other people, “I can’t believe that scruffy wanker thinks anyone would want to date him!”
  2. They might judge me for being on a dating site, if they have the same weird double standard that I do
  3. They might read my profile and mock me to themselves
  4. They might think that because I’ve looked at their profile I’m interested in them. Which might be a bit awkward.
  5. They might think that because I’ve looked at their profile and not done anything about it that I find them unattractive or unappealing, and having felt that pain myself I’d hate to think I was inflicting it on somebody else.

I know that maybe I should just stop looking at the profiles of people I actually know, but deep down I know that my curiosity will get the best of me and I’ll keep checking them out.

On a related note, when I told a mutual acquaintance of one of the people was on the dating site responded with words along the lines of “What’s she need to be on a dating site for, a nice, pretty girl like her would have no trouble pulling.” It was rather sweet and I happen to agree, but at the same time it also felt like a bit of a kick to the nuts as it was almost like they were saying “She’s too nice and attractive to be dating online, that’s the preserve for the socially awkward uggos like you, Chris”.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


The Lady Vanishes

Typical.

I get chatting to a girl on a dating site who actually seems pretty cool (she likes zombie movies!) and we tentatively arrange a date for the next time I’m in her neck of the woods.

This was about a week ago.

So, realizing that I was going to be in those woods soon I decided to drop her a line and maybe make the arrangement a bit more concrete, only to find that her page had been deleted. By her, or the site, I have no idea.

It sucks, as mostly I’ve not had much joy on the site and I was kinda curious to see if this might go anywhere.

Ah, well, c’est la vie.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.