Oh, dear, what can the matter be?

I wrote about using the disabled toilets at work to change a little while back and despite my unease have continued to do so. Today, however, the powers that be may have sent a message for me to stop misusing these facilities.

I found today’s shift tougher than normal as I’ve just had a week off, so was out of my work rhythm. Tired all I wanted to do was head home for some cold pizza and The Walking Dead but first I needed a bus and to change clothes. 

Luckily the staff disabled toilet is a lot cleaner than the customer one because it hardly ever gets used. I hastily changed, trying to avoid seeing my reflection in tte mirror and was soon ready to go.

I reached for the handle which was a little loose. I turned it. Nothing.

I jiggled it and tried again.

Still nothing.

Realization hit. 

I was locked in.

I tried fiddling some more, pulling the door as tight as I could, twisting the handle in every possible direction.

After two or three minutes and countless attempts I had to accept defeat.

With embarrassment oozing from every pore I reached up and pulled the distress cord.

A few minutes later I was rescued by a helpful, and clearly amused, security guard. I thanked him and got the hell out of there.

I think tomorrow I’ll just wear my uniform on the bus.

Any thoughts ?  You know what to do. BETEO.

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Votey McVotefarce (see what I did, there?)

Yesterday was election day here in the UK, with the Scottish Parliament, Welsh Assembly and English councils being decided. There were also mayoral elections in London and other cities.

As a lecturing do-gooder I urged my “friends” on social media to get down to the polls and vote, but at least I didn’t write a whole blog about it this time.

Election day is full of frustration as people whine about how pointless the whole thing is. If I hear that “if voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal” quote one more time I will explode. It’s almost as bad as the “all are bad as each other” argument. Really? You’re putting the Greens, who want us to look after nature, at the same level as Britain First, a bunch of moronic racists?

image

There are clearly parties that are worse than others, and that you disagree with less, so you have a preference. State it! At the very least your vote will diminish the numbers for the part you like least, and they may loose their deposit.

So, your vote does matter, and you should use it!

Although it is hard making this argument as after a day devoted to democracy the government then torpedoed a vote.

You probably heard that earlier this it was decided that the UK needed a new Arctic research boat. No big deal, but then it caught fire, because of the arrival of a well intentioned idiot, who decides that the population would get to suggest and vote for the name of the ship.

This is the British public who love a laugh and chance to take the mickey. This was a free vote, and the British public have illustrated that they will pay for this opportunity. Don’t believe me? Jedward, Irish talent voids made it to 6th place on the X Factor!

image

So, after a few suggestions of questionable names, one took on a life of it’s own.

Boaty McBoatface.

You can see why it took off. It was silly without being offensive, and it does make you smile. The first time.

It gained steam and stormed to an impressive lead, prompting some to complain that it was an insult to arctic researchers, demeaning and awkward to use on the radio.

So, democracy wins, launch Boaty McBoatface!

Ummm, no.

They decided it was silly and named it Sir David Attenborough.

Now, I have nothing but affection and respect for Sir David. Don’t all Brits? But it seems unfair to ignore the will of the people, even if it is a name we don’t object to.

image

No disrespect, sir.

If you ask for a vote you have to honour it. It’s your fault that you didn’t put in some kind of selection process or filter, you left the door open and the jokers stormed in. Deal with it.

Anyway, rant over. Despite my ire can we stop the Boaty McBoatface gags now? It’s all played out.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Fat Boy on a Diet: The Revenge of the Belly

So, a while ago I wrote about getting on the weighing scales for the first time in a while. It was a sobering experience, which hammered home just how bad the situation had got.

I meant to update because over the next few weeks I did quite well, losing almost one and a half stone and actually seeing the difference. I felt a little more comfortable and some of my clothes fit better. All was right with the world.

I also spoke about how having MWF as my weight loss partner would be a good thing. We shopped for the good stuff and cooked proper, healthy meals for each other and offered encouragement and support. It was definitely a good thing.

And then it wasn’t.

MWF is currently working on her dissertation and this is a stressful time. Stress means snacking, and not wanting to think too much about cooking the right stuff.

As a result there has been a bit of back sliding.

I think I’ve put some of my weight back on, which sucks. I don’t know how much because I’ve stayed off the scales for a bit, but I don’t feel confident.

image

I don’t think I’ve put it all back on, but I definitely feel it.

My work shirts feel snugger and I’m more worried that my belly is going to sneak out under it, and those clothes which had got a bit baggier aren’t as baggy now.

I can’t blame MWF. This is on me. I could have taken over the cooking more, gone for healthier options and resisted snacks, but I have terrible will power and when tired I just want to veg on the sofa with some biscuits.

MWF has the stressful dissertation, I don’t. Heck, even when I had one to do myself back in ’07 I wasn’t stressed about it.

No, this is me being weak and greedy. I should have stayed the course but took the easy way out and I’ll admit I enjoyed the overindulgence and gluttony.

image

But enough is enough. I am on diet hiatus until MWF’s deadline but until then I will exercise a little bit of self control and maybe atop after the first dozen biscuits.

I just hope I haven’t undone all that good work, and I admit to not looking forward to my next date with the scales, but I’ll let you know how it goes.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Awkward moments: Wet balls

Like any rational person with a basic understanding of hygiene and germs, I don’t like touching toilet flushes. I get why we need them, but imagining the other hands and what might have been on them touching the same handle is gross.
So I applaud that anonymous genius who invented the hands free flush. You know the thing, there’s a sensor and you wave your hand in front of it and it flushes.
Its genius and keeps you away from unnecessary germs.
But like the inventors of mobile phones, cars and television, this clever fellow’s gift to mankind, while useful can wind up in the hands of idiots.
Like the folks who design the toilets in the St David’s centre in Cardiff.
They’ve gone for contactless flushes (and soap dispensers) and that’s great the problem is that after they made this decision they let a complete knucklehead install it.
It was because of these idiots that when I sat down to go about my business on the way to work earlier this week, I wound up with wet balls because the flush went off literally as soon as my arse hit the seat.
I’m a big bloke, but I ain’t the biggest, so if my shoulder is setting off the sensor then others will to. And take it from someone who’s been there, having to tissue dry your balls before you go to your first day at a new job is not a great experience.
This is why, regardless of the genius of an idea, if its initiated by idiots it’s all foe nothing. A tiny bit of thought or sense would have told them to put the sensor someone else, and kept my balls dry.
Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


American Apparel’s BIG mistake

Until recently all I knew about American Apparel is that they make underwear, and that’s only because it’s in some annoying, cheesy song. Having found out more about them recently I can say that I am not a fan.

This has nothing to do with their clothes, and more to do with their attitudes towards some of their customers. Specifically their treatment and attitude towards larger women.

Firstly, April Flores, a plus-size model, was looking for clothes and told by an employee of the company that they didn’t make larger sizes as “that’s not our demographic”.

Flores

Flores

It appears that AA’s demographic is a bit exclusionary, with most of their clothes only going as big as size 8/12 (1o/12 UK), which is a little odd as the average size for an American woman is 14 (16UK).

This year however, AA decided to try and amend this by hosting an online search for their first plus sized model. If this was an attempt to win people over, it backfired in a big way.

They started off badly with a patronizing and almost insulting launch, which stressed the word “Big” in “Next Big Thing”. It got worse.

They wanted models to “fill out” the clothes designed for people “who need a little extra wiggle room”, calling on women to send in pictures of “you and your junk”.

The fact that this was actually run on the website shows the kind of attitude towards larger ladies and it didn’t go unnoticed. One of the entrants to the competition was Nancy Upton, and she wasn’t happy, feeling that the whole tone seemed to be “Hey, come on, fatties, we want you to play too”.

Upton felt that the plan was clearly to use one model to make out they covered that demographic, and try and generate good publicity, which definitely didn’t work out for them. Upton looked the part, but her submissions were a little bit different.

nancy upton 1

Upton’s entry, which was mock-sexy featured her eating food or acting in a gluttinous manner, as though unable to put food down for a minute. It was a funny idea and as word spread online Upton took a commanding lead in the competition.

When the polls closed she was the clear winner. At this point American Apparel found themselves in a tricky spot. Upton, a size 12, had won, but had mocked the competition and the company.

nancy upton 2

They handled it badly, telling Upton she would not be representing them as she had attempted to discredit their “positive intentions” and that they’d chose somebody who better exemplified “beauty inside and out, and whom we will be proud to have representing our company.”

Personally, I think they should have just chosen Upton and worked with her, and other women to try and change the company’s tone and attitude towards larger women. That might have been their chance to actually come out looking good, whether they deserve to or not is another story.

However, they’ve actually looked rather stupid throughout. It feels as though they approached this cynically in the matter, as Upton suspected, and actually just drew more heat on themselves for the daft way they did the whole thing. It does seem as though they still don’t value curvier women as customers, which is not cool, and is something that still needs addressing and won’t be fixed by a model hunt.

They’ve since invited Upton to look at their factory and see how the company works, with Upton insisting she gets to write about it. Whether this will pay off for AA remains to be seen.

Either way, they need to sort it out and start catering to, and respecting, women of all shapes and sizes.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


No regrets

Last week I wrote about my thoughts on the Scottish independence referendum, and my hope that they would stay in the UK. It turned out they did with the “No” camp winning by around 10%.

This left Scotland in an odd position, with the country having to move on and get along together after openly showing that there was a massive rift in the population, exacerbated by the fact that the campaign on both sides seemed to be getting a little nasty.

But there were lots of positives. More powers could be handed to the Scottish and Welsh governments and that can only be a good thing, ensuring that the decisions are made by people familiar and involved in those areas.

The largest positive however was the turnout, with around 85% making it to the polls. This stands as testament that the British public is not as politically apathetic as general election turnouts would suggest and shows that when a key issue is being discussed and that “every vote counts” people will get off their backsides and exercise their democratic right (which is a big argument for proportional representation).

Also, with the voting age being sixteen it allowed young people to join the debate and to become excited and interested in politics and the democratic process. Anything that gets young people involved is a good thing, and hopefully this will continue for many of the voters and those that can will take to the polls in next year’s general election.

Earlier this year there were European elections and I was dismayed by the apathy of many of the university age people I know. I looked up my local polling station in Cardiff and headed down, but was in the distinct minority, and not a single person I asked actually voted, which is disappointing. When I was at university the first time I voted in elections, and have done in every vote since. In some instances I’ve been aware that my X in the box wouldn’t have much effect (my home constituency is a Labour stronghold, and has been for over 100 years) but I still feel that we all have a duty to voice our beliefs and show that some object to those who do get elected.

The independence debate fired up young voters, and will hopefully instill that drive to vote in them for years to come. Of course, for many who voted “Yes” the result was a crushing disappointment (see here).

But I hope that the majority will realize that while things didn’t go the way they wanted they at least had their say. Democracy is founded on compromise, and sometimes who you vote for doesn’t get in (or worse, they do and then let you down badly. I’m looking at you, Clegg), but at least it means that the majority’s will is satisfied and that everyone gets to express their political beliefs. It’s not a perfect system, but it beats any alternative we’ve come up with thus far.

While many Scots must have greeted the results with disappointment and irritation, it must have been so much worse for one group in particular.

I speak of the 77 people who last Tuesday went to Spaghetti Tattoos in Kirkcaldy, where the proprietors were offering £2 “Yes” tattoos.

yes tattoo

Yes, people were getting tattoos about the independence referendum. And not post-win celebrations of independence, but pre-emptive ones. Ones to show where they stood in history.

I wonder how many felt when they awoke to realize they were now carrying a marker of being on the losing side of history. I hope that they don’t regret them, that they serve as a reminder of where they were and what they stood for, regardless of the outcome. Of course, some may feel bad about them in future years, but it’s just a reminder to never get a tattoo celebrating an event before it happens. It’s a bad idea when you get a “forever together” tattoo of your loved one’s name, or a trophy with your team’s name below with a date. You are not psychic, so don’t get tattoos based on what you think is going to happen.

Anyway, it’s getting late so I just want to say before I hit the sack that I hope those upset “Yes” voters don’t let it turn them off political environment, that those 77 don’t feel too embarrassed by their tattoos and, lastly, that I’m happy that Scotland stayed with us.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


News Grab Bag: Bunnies, Busts and Bedroom Blunders

Unbelievable

Over in Switzerland a shopping centre decided that instead of using the cliche of bunny girls in skimpy clothes  for it’s Easter promotion they’d use an actual bunny in underwear. Cue this rather daft photoshopping:

bunny

It’s a fairly harmless, goofy little advert. I mean, who’s going to kick off about that?

Well, it would appear that some animal protection group kicked off about it, stating that “the respect of the rabbit has been badly damaged”. How someone used the phrase “respect of the rabbit” with a straight face is beyond me. I mean, come on, man, calm down it’s just a silly little advert.

They also claim that the ad promotes bestiality, which is one hell of a stretch. I got a lot of time for animal rights groups, needlessly hurting a living creature is a dick move, but when they chose to kick off about something as trivial as this I can’t help but feel it makes them look like a bunch of humourless tools and makes people take them less seriously. Why not just save the outrage for where it’s justified, yeah? (Here)

Unlucky

Quite frequently you hear of crimes being solved by a stroke of luck or random chance. But none are as lucky/unlucky as what happened up in Manchester recently.

A toddler was fooling around with his dad’s phone and accidentally rang 999. On the other end they heard muffled sounds before the line went dead and a cop car was deployed to investigate. Arriving at the scene they discovered that the child’s parents were actually growing weed on the house and the father got nicked.

The parents' stash

The parents’ stash

That little kid must be the youngest grass in the world, and you know that this story is going to be part of the family lore from now on. What I liked most of all was how the police force’s twitter account handled it, addressing the funny side of the story by tweeting “How many times can we stress not to let your children play with the phone? #NaughtyChild”. (Here)

Un-clever and definitely un-sexy

I’m all for trying new stuff out in the bedroom, I mean, folks have got to keep it fresh and it can be quite fun trying new things. But think it through first.

A couple apparently wound up in hospital because they decided to bring food into the bedroom in a unique way. They decided to melt down some Gummi Bears and eat them off each other.

The problem is, that by melting it down they turned the jelly teddies into a molten gloop which burnt the chest of the poor lady in question. They realized they couldn’t lick it off, and had to seek medical help.

I admire their adventurous spirit, even if their common sense and reasoning seems to have taken a break. I mean, could they not tell that when it was in the bowl it was really hot? And that it would eventually set again? Think it through, guys.

In future maybe just stick to the classics, like strawberries, Haagen Dazs or best of all, the whipped cream bikini as modeled by Ali Larter in Varsity Blues.

cream bikini

Turns out safe sex is more than just condoms. (Here).

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


News Grab Bag Jan/Feb 2014: Deaths, Names and Badassery

Okay, so I routinely bookmark news stories that I’d like to write about, sometimes they get a post to themselves, but now and then a few smaller ones pile up and I do these News Grab Bag ones, so this is a collection of stories that caught my eye earlier this year but which I never got around to writing about. You may have heard some of them before but I hope you enjoy.

Early contender for badass of the year

It may only be the start of March, but it’s going to take a lot to topple James Grant as 2014’s badass champion.

Grant, a doctor in New Zealand was out fishing when friends when he was attacked by a shark. Now at this point I’d probably lose my shit completely and yell for Aquaman to come to my rescue, but the Kiwis, like their Aussie neighbours, are made of stronger stuff. Grant pulled his diving knife and repeatedly stabbed the shark which was sinking it’s teeth into his leg.

The shark swam off and Grant and friends returned to shore. At which point he did what every self respecting man from down under would- went for a pint. Admitting that adrenalin may have had something to do with it, Grant treated his own wounds with a first aid kit while having a beer before deciding to take himself off to hospital.

Grant shows off his bandage

Grant shows off his bandage

More.

Going out in style

Being a morbid so-and-so I’ve spent far too much time thinking about what my funeral will be like. This mainly revolves around the music selection, although I have given some thought to my coffin. However, none of my ideas are as elaborate as two instances unique funerals that I read about recently.

First up, in Puerto Rico young boxer Christopher Rivera was gunned down. At his wake he was posed in full boxing regalia and mourners were allowed to pose with their lost loved one. It all seems a little weird to me but it’s unique and pays homage to what was an important part of his life.

Puerto Rico Standing Wake

The second story also revolves around what the deceased loved. Over in the States Bill Standley was laid to rest astride his Harley Davidson bike. His sons assisted in building a special coffin which would allow this to happen, after Standley started it while battling cancer. Described as a “quirky man” by his daughter, Standley would show visitors to his home the coffin and tell them his plans, which might seem grim to some but I gotta respect the dude for his creativity and sense of fun.

ngb standley

Contemptuous laugh

The fact that I’ve never been called up for jury duty is something that bugs me a lot. I think too many court room dramas have left me with an unrealistic impression of trials and how dramatic they are, but even taking this into effect I’m curious to see how the system works and also have dreams of being the sole voice for compassion and decency, Fonda-style.

People who have done jury duty have told me it’s either dull or distressing. Either way, it’s an experience that’s light on laughs.

Or usually it is, but recently in a London court room the judge had to tell the jurors to stop laughing.

To be fair the case they were hearing was a bizarre one. The accused is said to have attempted sex with a sheep after a cow wouldn’t perform fellatio on him. I defy anyone not to read that sentence and not snigger, it ranks high on the weird crime stories I’ve heard.

More.

Well nobody can say they didn’t see it coming

There’s an obscure passage in the Bible about the handling of the snakes, which I’m only aware of because I read The Years of Living Biblically. Some Christians have taken this line to believe that God’s love will protect them from snake bites and snake handling preachers exist, who handle venomous snakes as part of their services.

It’s attention grabbing to say the least and there’s even been a TV show in the USA, which features Jamie Coots. In a tragic, if unsurprising turn of events, Coots died in February after being bitten by a snake.

I’m not religious and so this practice strikes me as extremely bizarre. For one it feels a bit presumptuous to test God’s love for you, I mean, I know the Christian almighty is a caring dude but that seems to be pushing it. If God does exist he’s got enough on his plate without having to deal with folks who are putting themselves needlessly at risk just to prove a point.

My sympathies go out to Coots’ loved ones, but I can’t help feeling that this was a stupid way to go out and this sort of practice really needs to stop.

Coots

Coots

Out for Justice

The Sochi Winter Olympics finished recently (the Paralympics kick off this week) but in the run up there were a lot of fears about the safety of the games, with terrorist attacks and the usual problems of having a high profile event coming into effect. It was debated in the media and it’s the type of situation where you need experts to come in and discuss it. You know the type- ex-military types, or security officials from previous games.

But Russia Today clearly decided they needed something more. They needed someone with real experience, a man who’s taken on the mob, terrorists and saved the lives of a battleship’s crew. What a guy, right? The problem is that these weren’t one guy. They were several guys, all fictional, with one linking factor. They were all played by the same ponytailed ass kicker.

Yes, I’m talking about the man, the legend, Steven Seagal.

Calm down everyone, Russia's gonna be alright!

Calm down everyone, Russia’s gonna be alright!

Russia Today went right to the big guns for advice on how to keep the games safe.

Subtitle fail

Oops.

ngb subtitle

What’s in a name?

I always feel bad for people with daft or unusual names. At best you’re gonna waste time telling people how they’re spelt, or else face open ridicule because your parents didn’t think it through.

I don’t go in for governments telling people how to live but I’ve always felt that there should be naming office and when particularly moronic names come up they get to veto it. “You want to call your kid ‘Pineapple’? Yeah, his name’s gonna be Jeff”.

So I was kinda pleased that down Mexico way they have a rule that “prohibits giving children names that are derogatory or that don’t have any meaning and that can lead to bullying,”.

That quote comes from the Civil Registry director in Sonora, Cristina Ramirez. Already failing to get by are Rambo, Facebook and Lady Di, the last kid in particular dodged a bullet there.

I’m all for it. I mean, you might think it’s cute, but your kid’s gonna have to deal with it their whole life.

Overdue

Younger readers might not know this, but we used to have these things called VHS cassettes which had movies on. And not only that we had shops that would rent you a movie for a night or two. Kind of like a library.

Like a library they had fines if you were late getting them back. Which is fair enough. I once went overdue on Anaconda and had to pay an extra £2, it was worth it though because I love that movie.

I think it was the one time I was late taking it back and once the fine was paid it was done and dusted.

But what if you went overdue by a long time.

And lived in a country as daft as the USA.

Well, you could wind up like Kayla Finley, of South Carolina, who went to a sheriff’s office to report a crime only to be told she was a wanted woman. The reason why there was a warrant out on her? She hadn’t taken a video back 9 years ago.

Ouch, that’s gonna be a hefty fine.

Finley was understandably miffed about the whole thing, especially as she was jailed overnight. She’s due in court and aims to fight the case.

Adding salt to the wound is the fact that her undoing might be down to Monster in Law, a painful failure to make a comedy and a black mark on the careers of it’s leads Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez.

ngb monster in law

Hopefully the matter resolves itself easily, and Finley just has to pay a minor fine. I can’t see them asking for too much because, well, it’s not like they’d have got much demand for a VHS copy of this movie in recent years.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Too much, Sun

I don’t often by a newspaper. With the net there’s not really any need, I can get the news from the BBC and Huffington Post, but I do occasionally pick up The i, sometimes even the Guardian.

What I will not buy is the Sun. Or the Daily Mail, but let’s focus on the Sun for the time being.

Barring the occasionally amusing headline, it’s a terrible newspaper. It’s crass, xenophobic and doesn’t fit with my view of the world, so I leave it alone.

It’s also one of those papers that is pretty quick to go after people for “disgusting behaviour”. Sometimes these can be genuinely horrible instances, but often they’ll work themselves into a lather over some celeb’s ill advised quip or Twitter gaffe. It only takes some boy band star to tweet rashly and the paper is rallying the troops and calling for justice.

Which means recent events have a generous seasoning of schadenfreude.

One of the paper’s Twitter accounts, which deals with showbiz news was discussing one of this year’s X Factor crop, who’s apparently been caught stealing. They don’t reckon it’ll hurt her chances though and decided to put out this incredibly insensitive tweet:

suntweet

Now, I’ve heard worse gags, but still, this is unbelievably daft from the person concerned. Ignoring the obvious bad taste and nastiness of the comment, the startling thing is the stupidity.

It’s all too easy to fire off an ill advised tweet, when you put something up and only afterwards think it may have been a mistake or be taken the wrong way. But that’s personal tweeting, this is someone who’s being paid to tweet. You’re representing a major company and tweeting to around 30k followers.

I appreciate this person isn’t at the forefront of journalism, but they must have had some kind of training in the past about what’s appropriate for publication and what isn’t. The tweet was hastily taken down, but with that many followers it was bound to get captured by someone and they’ve received a bit of a kicking.

It’s easy to see why, they’ve made reference to a missing child, a case which is still in the public forum and used it to make a trivial, and not even particularly funny, gag about a reality TV show contestant. It’s an inconsiderate, dim witted thing to do.

It’s horrible, but it’s hard not to take some malicious glee in the fact that a paper which frequently tries to take the moral high ground, despite it’s own catalogue of errors and sins has come a cropper in such a painful and public manner.

As one comment said on Twitter stated: “Why are you all shocked? Do you expect high standards from them?” (posted by @PhantomGoal)

I don’t expect much from them, but I was surprised by the sheer idiocy of it. If there was any justice they’d get dragged across the coals in the manner they do whenever someone at the Beeb slips up, but I suspect this won’t get the same coverage as those cases.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


Twelfth Man

I’m currently reading One Night In Turin by Pete Davies (previously known as All Played Out), a fascinating book about the 1990 World Cup focusing on the England team, it’s a wonderfully written book and one of the lines that stood out for me was this one:

Because at a football game you don’t just watch, you take part

I get what he means, not just because of the way that as a fan you join in with the chanting and clapping and communal spirit of the supporters, but also because when it’s the team you love or just a particularly good game as a neutral, you get involved. You groan at the misses, argue with the ref when he gives a soft foul or gesticulate madly when he misses a blatant penalty, you celebrate like a maniac when your team score, you tense up at penalties and you mourn a defeat.

As a fan all you can do to influence the game is cheer loudly and that this inspires your teams. Aside from that you’re left no option but to hope, pray and occasionally sacrifice the odd goat at the altar of sport as you watch from the stands.

But what if you could get closer and intervene?

Last season, a dickhead ball boy at the Liberty decided to help the Swans out by stalling for time. This led to Chelsea player Eden Hazard trying to get the ball back and kicking out at the ball boy, who proceeded to roll around on the floor as if Bruce Lee had kidney punched him.

At everyone was calling for Hazard’s head but as time passed it became increasingly hard to sympathize with the ball boy- this wasn’t some kid but a teenager, he was loaded (I know that shouldn’t matter but finding out ), seemed a wanker on his Twitter page (anyone who describes themselves as a “LAD (sic)” seems a douche) although he did sell it for charity, so maybe he’s not all that bad, but it still hurt his standing in the public.

hazard

But, when you’re that close it must be tempting to intervene. But you shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t, because you could get a deserved kicking.

Which brings us to the story of Brazilian fourth division side Aparecidense and their physio. During an important play off match, their physio was loitering behind the goal as their opponents Tupi surged forward. The clock was winding down and Tupi needed a goal to put them through.

With an open net they fired on goal, at which point the physio stepped onto the pitch, cleared off the line. Twice. Now, this was a fine defensive performance, albeit a highly illegal one. The ref didn’t see it and Tupli went out on goal difference.

Understandably annoyed they went for the Physio, who showed some good pace as he legged it to the tunnel where police protected him. Watch the madness here:

Tupi are calling for a rematch and are rightfully pissed off with the outcome. I hope they get the rematch because it’s an unbelievably cruel way to be denied, as it was clearly heading for the back of the net if this numpty hadn’t got in the way. Whether he faces disciplinary action is unknown but the Brazilian FA need to do something, although I suspect he’ll keep his job and become a kind of local legend among Aparecidense.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.