Hey, speedy! You are a real criminal!

Apparently the punishment for being caught speeding is going to be stricter in the UK from next month (source). The announcement has been covered in a weird way by the press in a way that highlights an odd view of speeding we have here.

There are frequent articles in the tabloids where they whinge about speed cameras. The general feel is that this is a waste of police time and they should be going after “the real criminals”.

Here’s the thing, if you’re speeding YOU ARE A CRIMINAL. You’re breaking the law, and putting others at risk. Why this isn’t seen as a real crime boggles the mind, especially as the same papers are ready and willing to pile on when someone kills a kid while speeding.

If you regularly speed but haven’t had an accident yet, it doesn’t mean you’re a great driver. It means you’re lucky. Ayrton Senna was a great driver, and it didn’t work out for him.

The whole coverage is bizarre. They talk about speed cameras and anti-speeding measures like their some kind of cheap trick. That it’s grossly unfair.

People share where the vans are on Facebook like their getting one over on the cops and this is a good thing. But imagine any other crime handled the same way.

“Word to the wise, the police have got sniffer dogs at the airport! Don’t let the bastards catch you out!”

“Coppers caught me stealing a TV. I explained mine was broke and X Factor was about to start but they didn’t care. Heartless pricks.”

“The one time I assault someone I get arrested. Why aren’t the cops out there arresting real criminals instead of hassling people like me?”

It’s ludicrous. Take the Metro article and the headline:

“Here’s what you need to know” and yet the article isn’t just “Don’t Speed!” in big letters.

So, the punishment has got worse, you shouldn’t have been doing it anyway. 

It’s simple enough- there is a law for how fast you can go. It is a law designed to protect you and others. If you exceed it you are breaking the law and a criminal.

You can whine, you can make excuses, but the way to avoid the fines and hassle? Obey the speed limit.

Drive safe.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO. 


Book Review: A Life Inside by Erwin James

Despite what the tabloids try and make out, you’d have to be a damn fool to think life in prison is a cushy, easy way to spend a few years. Yes, they’ve changed from the bread and water days of cold cells and violent guards but I’ve never understood why people think this is a bad thing. That’s progress and the whole point of prison should be rehabilitation, taking damaged, criminal people and helping them work out how to live less harmful lives.

A TV in the cell or a softish mattress isn’t going to make not being able to come and you go as you please any easier. It won’t make up for the fact you won’t be with loved ones for key life moments, or that you spend every day surrounded by strangers who may be violent and hostile.

This is what Erwin James talks about in his book, the day to day life on the inside. The little struggles, the routine and effect it has on people, James wrote columns for The Guardian and these are some of his entries from the early ’00s.

James captures the characters in the cells, telling their stories with open compassion, he details the social rules of prison life and the interactions between the prisoners and the system.


James’ writing is simple but engaging, with humour and humanity throughout. The entries are brief but he explores his themes with insight, and there is very little self pity. When he details the hardships of prison it is done more to educate the reader rather than to court sympathy.

Due to his life sentence James has seen things change in prison and it’s clear that many are for the best, and it’s hard not to be happy when he gets a transfer to open prison, which while more relaxed poses it’s own challenges.

He is a clever observer of behaviour and the book gives a great insight into what is at times a very difficult life. He offers a fair, kind view of life behind bars and allows the reader a real insight into a world most of us will hopefully never experience.

Verdict: Smart, honest and clever James is a skilled writer and engages the reader with his easy, insightful prose. He’s a likeable guide to prison life and it’s a great look into the life of prisoners. 8/10.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Soldiers are being investigated. This is not something to be mad about.

Apologies, this one is a bit of a rant.

It was announced today that around 60 cases investigating unlawful killings by UK forces in Iraq have been dropped. This follows the MoD looking into it and deciding not to proceed in these cases (story here).

This is of course good news for those involved, and false claims should be disregarded, however, the response to the news online shows a worrying attitude shared by many people.

This is the belief that all claims against UK soldiers should be thrown out and that “our boys” (they’re always talking about the “boys”, the British public still slightly squeamish about women doing the killing and dying) are somehow above reproach. For me this is not only incredibly stupid but also potentially dangerous.

If our soldiers are allowed to do whatever they want without consequence how can we stand in judgement on enemy combatants when they do wrong? War is hell and chaotic, but there is at least some sense of what is right and what is wrong, and those who transgress are held accountable, even if it is after the fact. Without this all manner of evil could be done.

This blind faith that “our boys and girls” are immune to the callousness and cruelty that war can breed in people is willful blindness to reality. The men and women who serve in our forces are human beings, and while many have good intentions and try to do right there will be some who do wrong. Putting on a uniform does not transform someone into a paragon of virtue. Enlisting does not a hero make.

We have a duty to prosecute and punish those who commit crimes during war. If we don’t then we are failing our values, the very thing that they are meant to be fighting to protect. Those who break the law must be tried and pay for their crimes if found guilty.

To allow soldiers to evade this undermines the idea of justice we should aim for- that justice is blind and that all are equal. Whether the victim is a British citizen, foreign civilian or even enemy combatants, they have rights and should be treated fairly, when they are not, they all deserve justice.

Similarly, a criminal is a criminal, even if they wear our country’s uniforms.


There will of course be fraudulent or exaggerated cases, and lawyers who seek a quick buck, but hopefully these cases will be resolved and the innocent walk free, but the guilty must be brought to justice.

It’s in the best interests to investigate them all so that the false ones can be dismissed and not just hang over the accused, continuing to sow doubt. An investigation that clears someone is obviously better than just ignoring the allegations.

Pursuing them is not wrong, and wanting them punished is not unpatriotic. Hell, not being patriotic isn’t a failing or a bad thing, in fact, we need to be objective when we think of our country, and ready and willing to call it on when it is wrong or could be better.


But for those still clinging to the idea of patriotism as a virtue, then surely the prosecution of wrongdoers in our military is patriotic. It helps protect the country’s reputation and that of our military. We should be ashamed of events like Bloody Sunday and the death of Baha Mousa, we should not be ashamed to investigate them (even if it comes far too late).

We should be proud that we do not tolerate abuse from our troops and that we execute justice against them. We should strive for transparency so that we know what “our boys and girls” are doing in our name, and to ensure that they behave appropriately.

Pursuing them is not disrespect, it is an attempt for justice. Nobody is above the law. Is it disrespectful to go after a criminal?

By all means honour our troops and praise them if you want, but don’t do it blindly. Don’t shout down any suggestion that they are not superheroes without flaws, because they’re not. Don’t act as though prosecuting them is unfair or wrong, because it benefits none of us to have a situation where our soldiers can do whatever they want without consequence.

We need to be able to question and hold our soldiers accountable, as we do our politicians and police officers. It’s what keeps them (relatively) honest and stops them being able to do terrible things in our name.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Only the good die young

I like to keep an eye out on the weirder and smaller news stories, and today I read one that caught my eye.

An elderly couple in Switzerland have just got pinched for going on a mini-crime spree where they raided the collection boxes of local churches, stealing hundreds of Swiss francs in the process.

Writing about Switzerland, so may as well break out this quality pun

Writing about Switzerland, so may as well break out this quality pun

But this isn’t a story of the recession biting and forcing the coffin dodging brigade into a life of crime, no the couple in their early 70s are apparently well off and started their robbing as a source of excitement. They’ve said that they got a buzz from “the pleasure of the forbidden” (which would be a good album title) and seem to have just got hooked on it.

In many ways it’s a terrible story, with this rich couple stealing other people’s charitable donations, which is pretty low. And even as an agnostic I’d never rob from a religious organization, just in case those guys are actually right. Best not to make any enemies if you can avoid it.

At the same time there’s something oddly charming about the story, and you can imagine it being reworked into a lighthearted caper movie.

Pitch time:

An ageing couple, stuck in a humdrum small town life steal some cash to pay for a taxi, having to leg it to avoid capture. The buzz they get from it leaves them on a high and they decide to start a crime spree to add some spark to their lives. They go on the lam, robbing their way from town to town and enjoying themselves again (cue montage of them dancing and drinking in bars, or whatever).

I’m seeing Anthony Hopkins and the foxy Helen Mirren as the couple, Emily Blunt as their mortified daughter who has to deal with the fallout and Chris O’Dowd as the bungling copper who has to bring them in, and falls for Blunt in the process.

Helen Mirren

Incidentally if anyone makes that movie now I expect a bit of cash, or at least an invite to the premiere and a chance to meet Emily Blunt and Helen Mirren, which will probably be a short meeting before their security bounced me, but it’d still be nice.

Anyway, sorry for the short post today, but I’m still kinda hungover, so this will have to do.


Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

News Grab Bag March 2014: Hair brains and other stories

Hairy moment 1- If everybody looked the same…

A few weeks back I got my haircut, mainly because I was tired of being told I needed to and that I looked scruffy. I got the longest razor cut you can have, an 8, and was pleasantly surprised with the fact I didn’t look completely terrible. I haven’t had my hair short since the mid 90s really, and so it took a few days to get used to it, and I still find myself using my nervous tic of brushing hair behind my ears, even if there’s no hair to brush back. Whatever, after this I saw two hair related stories, and here’s the first.

Apparently, North Korea has recently made a guideline that male university students should adopt the same hairstyle as their leader Kim Jong-un. This is a massive crackdown on personal expression, as previously North Koreans had to choose from pre-approved styles (18 for women, 10 for men, and one hopes the mullet was one of the tolerated ten).

Now, this is pretty bad, but it’s made even worse by the fact that the leader’s haircut is awful:

Kim Jong-un, because he's worth it

Kim Jong-un, because he’s worth it


Seriously, even by political figure standards, that’s a bad look. I’d hate to live under this regime, I hate just having to cut my hair short, being told what style to have it done in would drive me nuts, and is further testimony to the terrifying, totalitarian way of life the North Koreans have to live in. Details.

(Update, apparently this is all bollocks, apart from the fact there is a list of 28 approved cuts. Which is still pretty mental when you think about it, but at least they don’t have to get the daft Jong-un look)

Not so flash

Flashing is a weird phenomenon, and entirely dependent on who’s doing it.

A girl flashing her breasts is usually well received by the audience and mooning is regarded as fairly harmless from both genders. But a dude whipping out his old boy is a very different proposition. There’s just something more aggressive and invasive about a dude exposing himself to some innocent passer by.

I watched a documentary a few years ago and apparently it’s a sexual thing for a lot of flashers, and I think that’s what makes it creepy as hell. It’s forcing someone to see something they don’t want to, and you don’t know what kind of life that person’s had, it might be a distressing and upsetting experience for them.

So, fair play to a teenager from Manchester who got her flasher nicked. Jodie Schofield, 16, was walking along when a guy jumped out and flashed her. Incensed by his actions and the fact he laughed at her, Jodie gave chase and after 30 minutes managed to enlist the help of two workmen who grabbed the perv and held him until the cops turned up to arrest him.



Well done to Miss Schofield for chasing him down and not letting him get away with it and making sure he gets punished for it. Story.

Be careful out there

Here in the UK, NICE (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, shouldn’t it be nihce? Or turn the C and H and at least “niche”?) have stated that under 25s, even those beneath the age of consent should have better access to birth control.

Personally, I think this is a good idea, some teenagers are having sex early, and they need to be doing it safely. The argument that this is going to encourage kids to have sex is daft, because they’re clearly already having it, and remembering my own teenage years when condoms were trickier to get your hands on (although I never actually needed them)  my friends and I were ready to go anyway.

Sex education and allowing kids to have condoms and birth control is going to be a massive help. Too many kids are risking their futures and health with unprotected sex, and lack of knowledge, even in the information age, is still rife. Kids know about sex, but they need to know that help is available, and how to have it in the safest possible way.

Allowing school nurses to give the morning after pill, one of the proposed changes, is a great idea. Students can slip there under the guise of something else, thus avoiding gossip or embarrassment, and clear it out. I can’t help that many of those who object to this kind of measure are the very same people who would heap scorn and judgement upon that girl were she to have a child. Either way these people complain, but this way, those teenagers will be supported throughout and be able to make the choice for their future.

That’s my thoughts on that anyway. Here.

Hairy moment 2- Bad move

It’s the second hair story of the blog, and a display of blindly following rules and extreme dickery.

Over in the States a Colorado schoolgirl, aged 9, shaved her head. Kamryn Renfro made the decision to show support and solidarity for a friend undergoing cancer treatment. Touching, right? I mean, you’d have to be some kind of soulless robot not to have your heart warmed by that.

Kamryn Renfro

Kamryn Renfro

Unfortunately, an early prototype soulless robot was clearly employed at Kamryn’s school, and she was suspended for breaking the school’s rules on clothing and appearance. Yes, you heard that right, some dick actually kicked out a 9 year old for shaving her head to help another kid who’s having cancer treatment.

The decision was quickly overturned, presumably because someone with some sense heard about it and realized that (a) it was a terrible, stupid decision to make and (b) that the school was going to catch a lot of flak for it.

Kamryn returned to school, and they’ve decided to have a review of their rules. This is why you have to use some common sense and decency in enforcing rules, or you’re just being an officially sanctioned dick. More.

Umm, I can’t think of a goofy title for this one

The other day I was scrolling through the Huffington Post home page when I saw a headline that grabbed the attention- “Porn star fired for having sex with black man” or words to that effect. This caught me by surprise because having sex is surely not against the porn code, and a lot of pornstars sleep with black men, or so I’m told, I’ve never seen porn, being a good  boy.

Intrigued, I clicked through and discovered a story in which there are no good guys to root for.

The “porn star” in question was German actress Kitty Blair, and she wasn’t fired as a porn performer for her interracial encounter, no she was fired as a member and public face of National Democratic Party of Germany (NDP). The NDP knew she was a porn star, and happily let her stand around in skimpy clothes to drum up support and win votes.

Kitty Blair

Kitty Blair

But it turns out the NDP are actually a far-right bunch of ne0-Nazis. Which explains why they wouldn’t be happy that Blair was having sex with a black dude.

A member of the party stated “Those who sell their body for money and disgrace their race have no place in our party”, which is a statement so hateful I feel like I should have a shower or something, having been tainted just reading it. Seriously, let’s all go have a shower to wash this stench of bigotry off us….

That’s better.

The NDP aren’t even trying to hide their racism, I mean, they were fine with her shagging for cash, and publicizing them, but as soon as she shags a black dude, she has to go? Miss Blair as well is pretty odious by all accounts, a porn star is fine, but backing up these hate fueled bunch of dicks is terrible.

It probably doesn’t need to be said, but I hate Nazis, whether old or new, and finding out the full story left me fuming even more than the misleading headline had prepared me for. I thought there’d be more to the story, and there was, several more levels of scummery.

Hell, I even feel kinda disgusted with her co-star for being willing to shag someone with such loathsome views. I mean, dude, have some self respect!

Like I said, there are no heroes here.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

News Grab Bag Jan/Feb 2014: Deaths, Names and Badassery

Okay, so I routinely bookmark news stories that I’d like to write about, sometimes they get a post to themselves, but now and then a few smaller ones pile up and I do these News Grab Bag ones, so this is a collection of stories that caught my eye earlier this year but which I never got around to writing about. You may have heard some of them before but I hope you enjoy.

Early contender for badass of the year

It may only be the start of March, but it’s going to take a lot to topple James Grant as 2014’s badass champion.

Grant, a doctor in New Zealand was out fishing when friends when he was attacked by a shark. Now at this point I’d probably lose my shit completely and yell for Aquaman to come to my rescue, but the Kiwis, like their Aussie neighbours, are made of stronger stuff. Grant pulled his diving knife and repeatedly stabbed the shark which was sinking it’s teeth into his leg.

The shark swam off and Grant and friends returned to shore. At which point he did what every self respecting man from down under would- went for a pint. Admitting that adrenalin may have had something to do with it, Grant treated his own wounds with a first aid kit while having a beer before deciding to take himself off to hospital.

Grant shows off his bandage

Grant shows off his bandage


Going out in style

Being a morbid so-and-so I’ve spent far too much time thinking about what my funeral will be like. This mainly revolves around the music selection, although I have given some thought to my coffin. However, none of my ideas are as elaborate as two instances unique funerals that I read about recently.

First up, in Puerto Rico young boxer Christopher Rivera was gunned down. At his wake he was posed in full boxing regalia and mourners were allowed to pose with their lost loved one. It all seems a little weird to me but it’s unique and pays homage to what was an important part of his life.

Puerto Rico Standing Wake

The second story also revolves around what the deceased loved. Over in the States Bill Standley was laid to rest astride his Harley Davidson bike. His sons assisted in building a special coffin which would allow this to happen, after Standley started it while battling cancer. Described as a “quirky man” by his daughter, Standley would show visitors to his home the coffin and tell them his plans, which might seem grim to some but I gotta respect the dude for his creativity and sense of fun.

ngb standley

Contemptuous laugh

The fact that I’ve never been called up for jury duty is something that bugs me a lot. I think too many court room dramas have left me with an unrealistic impression of trials and how dramatic they are, but even taking this into effect I’m curious to see how the system works and also have dreams of being the sole voice for compassion and decency, Fonda-style.

People who have done jury duty have told me it’s either dull or distressing. Either way, it’s an experience that’s light on laughs.

Or usually it is, but recently in a London court room the judge had to tell the jurors to stop laughing.

To be fair the case they were hearing was a bizarre one. The accused is said to have attempted sex with a sheep after a cow wouldn’t perform fellatio on him. I defy anyone not to read that sentence and not snigger, it ranks high on the weird crime stories I’ve heard.


Well nobody can say they didn’t see it coming

There’s an obscure passage in the Bible about the handling of the snakes, which I’m only aware of because I read The Years of Living Biblically. Some Christians have taken this line to believe that God’s love will protect them from snake bites and snake handling preachers exist, who handle venomous snakes as part of their services.

It’s attention grabbing to say the least and there’s even been a TV show in the USA, which features Jamie Coots. In a tragic, if unsurprising turn of events, Coots died in February after being bitten by a snake.

I’m not religious and so this practice strikes me as extremely bizarre. For one it feels a bit presumptuous to test God’s love for you, I mean, I know the Christian almighty is a caring dude but that seems to be pushing it. If God does exist he’s got enough on his plate without having to deal with folks who are putting themselves needlessly at risk just to prove a point.

My sympathies go out to Coots’ loved ones, but I can’t help feeling that this was a stupid way to go out and this sort of practice really needs to stop.



Out for Justice

The Sochi Winter Olympics finished recently (the Paralympics kick off this week) but in the run up there were a lot of fears about the safety of the games, with terrorist attacks and the usual problems of having a high profile event coming into effect. It was debated in the media and it’s the type of situation where you need experts to come in and discuss it. You know the type- ex-military types, or security officials from previous games.

But Russia Today clearly decided they needed something more. They needed someone with real experience, a man who’s taken on the mob, terrorists and saved the lives of a battleship’s crew. What a guy, right? The problem is that these weren’t one guy. They were several guys, all fictional, with one linking factor. They were all played by the same ponytailed ass kicker.

Yes, I’m talking about the man, the legend, Steven Seagal.

Calm down everyone, Russia's gonna be alright!

Calm down everyone, Russia’s gonna be alright!

Russia Today went right to the big guns for advice on how to keep the games safe.

Subtitle fail


ngb subtitle

What’s in a name?

I always feel bad for people with daft or unusual names. At best you’re gonna waste time telling people how they’re spelt, or else face open ridicule because your parents didn’t think it through.

I don’t go in for governments telling people how to live but I’ve always felt that there should be naming office and when particularly moronic names come up they get to veto it. “You want to call your kid ‘Pineapple’? Yeah, his name’s gonna be Jeff”.

So I was kinda pleased that down Mexico way they have a rule that “prohibits giving children names that are derogatory or that don’t have any meaning and that can lead to bullying,”.

That quote comes from the Civil Registry director in Sonora, Cristina Ramirez. Already failing to get by are Rambo, Facebook and Lady Di, the last kid in particular dodged a bullet there.

I’m all for it. I mean, you might think it’s cute, but your kid’s gonna have to deal with it their whole life.


Younger readers might not know this, but we used to have these things called VHS cassettes which had movies on. And not only that we had shops that would rent you a movie for a night or two. Kind of like a library.

Like a library they had fines if you were late getting them back. Which is fair enough. I once went overdue on Anaconda and had to pay an extra £2, it was worth it though because I love that movie.

I think it was the one time I was late taking it back and once the fine was paid it was done and dusted.

But what if you went overdue by a long time.

And lived in a country as daft as the USA.

Well, you could wind up like Kayla Finley, of South Carolina, who went to a sheriff’s office to report a crime only to be told she was a wanted woman. The reason why there was a warrant out on her? She hadn’t taken a video back 9 years ago.

Ouch, that’s gonna be a hefty fine.

Finley was understandably miffed about the whole thing, especially as she was jailed overnight. She’s due in court and aims to fight the case.

Adding salt to the wound is the fact that her undoing might be down to Monster in Law, a painful failure to make a comedy and a black mark on the careers of it’s leads Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez.

ngb monster in law

Hopefully the matter resolves itself easily, and Finley just has to pay a minor fine. I can’t see them asking for too much because, well, it’s not like they’d have got much demand for a VHS copy of this movie in recent years.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

This s**t is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Getting your five a day of fruit and vegetables is pretty important, but sometimes with a hectic life or poor planning can leave you falling short.

Once you’ve heard the five-a-day recommendation you do keep it in mind, and sometimes when I’m on four or three I’ll go out of my way to drink juice or something. If I’ve got them in the cupboard or got cash on me, sometimes you just have to admit defeat.

5 a day

But it seems as though one American citizen of Connecticut may have been overly committed to hitting his target.

At least that’s the only explanation for a rather bizarre crime story I came across today.

It breaks down like this, a burglar alarm at  a petrol station, the cops arrive to find it all banged up and review the security cameras. What they find is a 4×4 smashing into the store before the driver hops out, eats a banana and leaves.

That’s it.

He doesn’t touch anything else in the store, just eats a banana and drives off. Getting his mug right on the camera during the process.

Caught in the act

Caught in the act

It seems like a pretty dumb crime to commit, and coupled with the lack of a mask suggests that not all this guy’s dogs are barking.

In the history of stupid criminals, this one is right up there, mainly due to the extremely trivial nature of the crime.

More info here.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Raw Deal

I’ve got a love-hate relationship with the show Deal or No Deal– it’s relentlessly addictive once you get going, but I don’t like it because there’s no skill or knowledge involved, and I think those are the game shows that work best, where the winners earn their prize (Countdown, University Challenge, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Total Wipeout, Pointless, The Crystal Maze, Eggheads). DoND is basically just pointing at boxes and gambling against the mysterious banker, while Noel Edmonds chats to the players and makes bad jokes.


They’ve clearly picked contestants who are “characters” (read: idiots, twats and show-offs) who regularly push on despite getting a fairly decent offer early on. For me, I’d deal at about £20K, whatever happened. Adding to my irritation is talk of “tactics” and “strategy”, yeah, like you can have a strategy in randomly selecting sealed boxes, you eejit.

I get why people go on it though- their 15 minutes and some quick cash for a new car, holiday or clear some debts. I get it, I mean, I play the lottery, so I’m not opposed to people getting some easy money to make their lives easier.

If I won some cash, I’d pay of my student loans, clear some cash I owe people and stash some in a nest egg, join a gym, maybe use some to learn to drive and buy some wheels. The rest of the money I’d probably blow on holidays, gigs, sporting events and general crap, probably in the aid of chasing after girls.

Make it rain

Make it rain

Notice how my debts are the first thing I’d address, that just makes sense, getting yourself back to breaking even would be a priority, which is why the actions of one winner, Andy Baker, who won £35,000 a while back.

Andy with Noel in happier times

Andy with Noel in happier times

Baker turned out to have filed for bankruptcy and owed over £60K, and should, by law, have declared his winnings to insolvency authorities, having been declared bankrupt two years ago.

Instead, Andy went on a bit of a spending spree, probably due to not having had much cash beforehand, and reportedly spent most of it on “holidays, hotel and jewelry”. I’ll admit the jewelry bit threw me, I mean, that must’ve been a heap of bling, dude must have been walking around like Mr. T.


Andy would have gotten away with it, if not for the fact that one of the people he owed cash to was watching and called the authorities. Sadly, he’s received a 13 year sentence for this, and while he may have been a bit of a numpty, I gotta say I feel bad for the guy.

Still, in this case he probably should have taken a Lannister approach to the situation.


Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

A Mountie always gets his man…but not often as easily as this

I’ve spoken in the past about how I find real life criminals rather disappointing when compared to their more imaginative and flashy fictional counterparts. But sometimes I’d settle for them just not being complete idiots.

Today I read about a Canadian muppet who was having a bad day at work and thought some weed would take the edge off. I’m not going to get into a debate on where I stand on drugs, but let’s just say in this case had the dude just got stoned, I wouldn’t have a problem.

Sadly for the dude involved, one Kunith Baheerathan from Toronto, he had a lapse in common sense and instead of just ringing up his dealer, decided instead to take to Twitter and reach out for anybody who could hook him up and deliver to his workplace. His tweet stated:

Any dealers in Vaughan wanna make a 20sac chop? Come to Keele/Langstaff Mr. Lube, need a spliff or two to help me last this open to close

Local police saw the tweet, and instead of just rocking up and giving the guy crap they instead tweeted to the fool, which was far funnier and :

Awesome! Can we come too? MT @Sunith_DB8R Any dealers in Vaughan wanna make a 20sac chop? Come to Keele/Langstaff Mr. Lube, need a spliff.

This tweet became incredibly popular, racking up over 5000 retweets and making Baheerathan a bit of a twitter celebrity. Now, the guy had been caught out pretty stupidly and then compounded this by trying to play it off as a gag.

And then even more ill-advisedly attempted to take the moral high ground, criticizing the police for wasting time going after weed smokers, instead of “shooters & rapists”. Hmm, it might just be that the person hired to man their Twitter feed doesn’t get much opportunity to deal with them because they’re not stupid enough to post about their exploits on Twitter, numb nuts.

Joking or not (I don’t think he was joking) Baheerathan’s employees didn’t take too kindly to him inviting drug dealers to visit their place of business and he’s since been fired.

But fair play to the York Regional Police, who showed a sense of humour in dealing with this ass clown and didn’t go OTT about it. Sometimes, firing off a tweet is enough.

So, remember kids, even if you are making a joke:



More details.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

Honour among thieves

I love Batman, always have, probably always will.



However, one problem I sometimes have with the Dark Knight is that he delivers some pretty hellacious beatdowns to petty criminals. Don’t get me wrong, when he’s knocking seven bells out of some violent thugs who’ve attacked a damsel in distress, I’m cheering on the guy, just as I am when he’s putting the hurt to a genuine psycho like the Joker or Zsasz.

But when it’s just some regular Joe Criminal out on the rob I’m in two minds. I mean, yeah, the Caped Crusader should stop them and they’re doing wrong, but when he lays the smackdown I sometimes think “Dude, ease up, he’s not a good guy but come on he’s not an evil one!”

Sometimes people steal out of necessity or desperation. That’s not saying it’s alright, or saying that they shouldn’t be punished, but it’s  just compared to a lot of other crimes, robbing some stuff isn’t so bad. And stealing doesn’t make someone an irredeemably bad person.

Take a recent story from San Bernardino in California. Some crooks broke in and stole a bunch of computers from building.

The building turned out to be the San Bernardino County Sexual Assault Service, which helps provide support for victims of sexual and domestic abuse.

So, pretty scummy to steal from them, right?

The day after the robbery, the executive director Candy Stallings received a call that there had been “suspicious activity” around the building again. Fearing the worse, she arrived on the scene.

What she found was wonderful.

All the stolen property had been returned, along with the following note:


I mean, sure, it’d be nicer if they hadn’t been robbed in the first places, or if they returned their stolen goods to everybody they’d robbed but still, I think it’s a wonderful story of them having some conscience and decency. So, well done to them, although there’s still room for improvement.

Here’s the story.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.