Christmas Number One Rankings: ’10s

Singing competitions’ reign at the top was over, and they’d only get three of the top tens here. The others were a mix of novelty songs, charity records and a few straightforward pop singles. So, kinda like it was in the ’80s.

#10. I Love Sausage Rolls- LadBaby (’19)

#9. We Built This City- LadBaby (’18)

A double whammy of dross here, as LadBaby’s novelty records grabbed back to back number ones because of his hilarious way of replacing “rock and roll” with “sausage rolls”. The second song is the worst, because at least the first was original and fun, the second just an attempt to cash in on it.

#8. Wherever You Are- Military Wives with Gareth Malone (’11)

Feels a bit bad to be ripping on a charity single, but this is almost unlistenable. The choir’s delivery isn’t clear and the song is twee. I get it’s for a good cause, but it still has to be a good song.

#7. A Bridge Over You- Lewisham and Greenwich NHS Choir (’15)

Another flawed charity single, although the choir here do seem to be better singers. The problem is that had they just got them to do a cover of “A Bridge Over Troubled Water” that would have been fine, but they mash it with Coldplay’s dire “Fix You” and spoil it all.

#6. Skyscraper- Sam Bailey (’13)

Sam Bailey won X Factor, and covered Demi Lovato for her Christmas number one. It’s not the worst single the show would produce, but it’s nowt special either.

#5. Something I Need- Ben Haenow (’14)

Another X Factor winner who I can’t remember, but listening to this again it’s a perfectly serviceable, inoffensive uptempo pop song. I mean, at least it wasn’t just another slick, soulless ballad, right?

#4. When We Collide- Matt Cardle (’10)

Covering and renaming Biffy Clyro’s “Many of Horror” and turning it into another slick X Factor production got them back on track after the Rage Against The Machine update in ’09. It’s not a bad song, thanks to the memorable chorus, but it is a bit bland, and Cardle wouldn’t go on to set the world alight.

#3. He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother- The Justice Collective (’12)

Raising money for charities associated with the Hillsbrough disaster, a group of famous faces teamed up to cover the Hollies’ (itself a cover), and it’s the kind of song its hard to mess up. It’s a great pop song and this version is a decent attempt at it.

#2. Rockabye- Clean Bandit feat Sean Paul and Anne-Marie (’16)

Clean Bandit produce slick poppy dance music, and while I’m not a huge fan they do have a few songs I dig, and this one is a solid entry at number one. It’s got a good hook and it’s fun enough.

#1. Perfect- Ed Sheeran (’17)

I don’t get the Ed Sheeran thing from either side. I don’t get people who love him, but at the same time there are some people who hate on him like he’s releasing some of the worst pop of all time. I don’t think he is, some of his songs are actually kinda good, just overplayed. Case in point, this one, a decent, sweet love song that suffered because it was on constantly in 2017, and there was that needless second version that added Beyonce for no real reason.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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