Urghh. I’m kinda glad that July 2019 is done, it wasn’t a fantastic month for me, and not just in weight loss terms. It was a month where despite some good days and nice things, there was a hard to shake funk settling in.
I mooched around. I made bad diet choices.
I suspect the heat didn’t help. It made work even more unbearable and robbed me of all motivation to do anything.
My running ahead of Paris slacked off, although I was struggling to find a rhythm due to my shift patterns, and I found myself moping around the house more. Also the sponsorship for the run had stalled, and I was struck by a feeling that nobody cares and that nobody would donate. That the whole thing was pointless and that I was doing the training for very little.
I felt crappy that I was still struggling with the runs, not the actual physical side so much, but the mental side. I’m not enjoying the running, I want to get back that old feeling of satisfaction and enjoyment, but at the moment, while I feel proud at the finish that’s only a fleeting thing. I can remember looking forward to my next run, but I don’t now. I’m not getting into it the way I did the first time, I have momentary glimpses of that old positive feeling but it doesn’t linger.
I think partly it’s because I’m starting even worse off than I did the first time. In 2011 I was losing weight, and walking to and from work meant my health had improved. This year I was heavier when I started and the first few weeks, even as I appreciated my progress just seemed to highlight just how unfit I was.
I’m just feeling bad in general. I feel worn down by work. Tired almost all the time and fed up. I want to break out, find a new job, one that doesn’t leave me angry, exhausted and ground down at the end of every week, but trying to figure out where I actually want to be and how to get there isn’t easy.
It’s just been a month of not feeling that great about who and where I am. The mental side always effects the physical, and unsurprisingly with my head a mess the effect on my body hasn’t been great.
At the end of the month my weight had gone up. Not by much, but still creeping back up.
I wish I could just list a few easy fixes for August to turn it around, but there aren’t any. I need to step up the running so that I’m ready for Paris (sponsorship page here), so I think I’m just gonna have to dig deep and push myself to just slog through the runs. And as ever I need to try and change my relationship with food and try to find different ways to give myself a temporary lift or alleviate boredom.
Fingers crossed that August goes better.
Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.
Too Many Posts 