Twelve Thoughts About Spice World

The late ’90s. Spicemania is running wild, the girls are global stars and everyone knows them. Furious debate rages over who the best Spice is (I flip flopped between Emma and Geri, finally settling on Emma).

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They release a movie which is part A Hard Day’s Night and part crappy kids TV show. I only watched it this year, at MWF’s urging, and I have some thoughts-

1. The Cameos Are Insane

Elton John turns up about three minutes in and the cameos just keep coming. Bob Hoskins says “Girl Power”, Stephen Fry is a judge, Hugh Laurie is Poirot and Bob Geldof lets them do this-

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Why, Bob, why?

2. King of the Cameos is Roger Moore

He plays the group’s manager and bosses their tour manager over the phone with weird quotes. He also wears his old Bond costumes and strokes various animals- cat, rabbit, piglet.

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Taking the money!

There’s a strong sense these were done in one day as halfway through one scene the piglet squeals and Moore just powers through like a boss. You get the impression he just wants to finish, pick up his cheque and go home.

Being Moore though, he’s still suave as all hell.

3. Aliens turn up for no reason

The girls go for a pee and some aliens rock up. One gropes Mel B and Geri kisses one and then they leave. It has no bearing on the plot.

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Now that's what I call a close encounter

4. I’m 80% sure they only got Meat Loaf for one gag

As their driver Loaf is asked to fix the toilets, at which point he says: “I love those girls, and I’d do anything for them. But I won’t do that.” It made me smile.

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Meat Loaf

5. 90s fashion was terrible

Seriously, I can’t believe the Spice Girls were the coolest people on the planet at this point.

6. There’s a subplot about their friend who’s pregnant. I don’t know why.

I have no idea why, but when she gives birth Geri chimes is with “Now, that’s girl power!”

7. The Gary Glitter song is awkward

Glitter has been pretty much deleted from the pop culture landscape, so it’s weird to hear the girls performing one of his songs. Apparently he was also due to cameo but that got axed as allegations surfaced, obviously they thought it was fine to keep the song.

8. Victoria is the worst actress

The bar isn’t that high, but she is far and away the worst of the bunch.

9. They complain about their nicknames, but then play up to them throughout

Mel C is obsessed with Liverpool winning the league. Mel B is lairy. Emma is disturbingly child-like at times. Posh is shallow and snobby. The only break is Geri who dishes out random facts and is shown to be boy-crazy.

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Random. And wrong (it's the whale shark)

10. Spice Force Five probably would have been a better movie

Seriously, missed opportunity.

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11. Geri’s boobs can apparently rouse someone from coma

Geri, Mel C and Victoria visit a teenage boy in a coma. Posh tells Geri to take her top off, but then says she’s only joking. However, the possibility of seeing Ginger Spice’s breasts is enough to have woken the boy up.

A boy’s desire to see naked Geri is probably the film’s most realistic moment.

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Realism

12. It’s actually kinda fun

Look, it has some clunky acting, groan worthy jokes and a silly plot but it somehow works in a so daft it’s fun way.

There seems a genuine feel good factor behind it and it powers through. Also some of the fourth wall breaking is kinda smart. It’s a mess but it’s an entertaining one.

Although that could just be nostalgia talking.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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