Expensive labels: Fashion thoughts from a man in joggers

Watching golf on TV. The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Veganism.

There are some things I just don’t get. Probably the biggest is fashion and the industry that surrounds it.

I get that clothes can be about expressing your individuality, beliefs (I own an anti-war shirt or two) or cultural allegiances (football shirts). It can show what subculture you belong to, but what I don’t like is when people start using clothes as a status thing. So you have a flash shirt? That don’t impress me much.

I have simple tastes when it comes to clothes, being a jeans and T-shirt kinda guy. The only area I really go a bit further is shirts and trainers, where I like a bit of colour.

Wayne Mardle is my style icon

You know those articles where they get the writer to leave their comfort zone? They could send me to London Fashion Week. I’d come back with stories of awkwardness, embarrassment and rants about the whole thing.

I don’t follow fashion so I only know LFW is going on because PETA protested it. I agree with this as I don’t agree with using fur in clothing unless you’re stranded on an island or you kill in self defence. If I got attacked by a bear and somehow came out on top I think I could keep a trophy.

I don’t back all of PETA’s policies but I am with them on the anti-fur stuff and think their campaign in this area is smart, using celebrities to draw attention to it.


Anyway LFW arrives hot on the heels of New York Fashion Week, which I only heard about because of Lady Gaga, but which reminded me of why I don’t get fashion.

Lady Gaga was modelling for Marc Jacobs, and everyone was kicking off about how she “slayed”. I had a look and while she nailed the dead eyed model look, I hate to say it, but she looked daft. And I defended the meat dress, people.


I mean, what’s the look here? It’s a total mess. The giant collar thing. The (hopefully fake) fur on the arms. The boots. What the hell?

Thing is Jacobs is a big deal and got applause this is despite the fact that people quickly noticed that another celebrated modelling for him, Kendall Jenner, looked like she’s joined the Night’s Watch.

If Kris Jenner was my mum I'd head to the Wall too

It’s Jacobs who I’m focusing but most designers are the same. The stuff they show on the catwalk is unlikely to see the streets and is just them showing off. They get to use models as their Barbies and throw on these ridiculous get ups and then the fashion media labels them geniuses and visionaries.

Jacobs then releases clothes for the regular folk but because his name is slapped on them he gets to charge ridiculous amounts for them. Take this shirt:


$395!! That’s how much he asks for that. That’s £284, for that I could get new trainers, a couple of new t-shirts, jeans, underwear and probably still have some left over for coffee and a new book.

I mean, it’s a decent shirt, don’t get me wrong, but the only thing special about it is the name on the label. That’s what baffles me.

Look at other things where the brand is important- with tech it’s about specifics and compatibility (unless you’re a full on iDiot) and with cars it’s about reliability. Sure, for some it’s status, but they tend to be idiots.

But clothes? Is a Marc Jacobs shirt better made, more comfortable or more hard wearing than a shirt from New Look? Is it so much better that it justifies that price tag.

For too many people the name matters because it will impress other people. That having a flash watch will make you seem more successful, that a posh frock makes you seem more sophisticated. It’s showing off, and not even about something you’ve done, just something you’ve bought.

If you have the cash, go nuts, but don’t act like it makes you better. Or that those clothes are special, because Giorgio or George, we wear clothes for two reasons- modesty and protection from the elements.

Fashion? I don’t get it.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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