Fat boy on a diet: Scale of the problem

So at the start of the year, like many others, I made resolutions for the coming twelve months. Top of the list was to lose weight, something I’ve wanted to do for a while.

Since going back to uni in autumn ’13 I’ve steadily gained weight, cancelling out the benefit of the regular running and walks to work I was doing before.

I try to eat fairly healthily but I admit that I am guilty of snacking too much and taking the easy option of takeaways. This along with stints of unemployment means that I knew I was getting heavier and decided that 2016 would be the year to make a change.

Luckily this year I have MWF to help me, as she wants to lose a little too. MWF has found us a plan to follow which will help a lot, rather than me just trying in ignorance. It’ll also be good having a partner to help me keep going and as we eat together it makes sense.

At this point I just want to make it abundantly clear that MWF and I have decided to lose weight because both of us want to be more comfortable. It’s a personal choice and I appreciate that different people are comfortable at different points.

Do what’s right for you.

If you’re big and happy and comfortable with yourself, then keep doing what you’re doing. If you feel you’d be happier a little smaller, then do that. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do or what size you have to be, when you feel good about yourself, you feel good and that’s the main thing. Love yourself.

With the plan starting this week I decided to see just what the situation was. I won’t lie, I’ve avoided the scales for quite a while. The thing is having a hard numerical value attached changes how you look at things, or at least it does to me.

I mainly want to lose weight so I’m more comfortable with myself and how I look, and that’s an abstract. Recently I’ve felt more self conscious and awkward, not liking what I see in the mirror or how my clothes fit. I want to get somewhere where I can look at myself without feeling bad, or go to work not worried that my belly is going to make a guest appearance.

You can’t measure self acceptance and comfort. I can’t tell you what weight I need to hit because I have no clue what it is. I could feel great at x or I might still want to lose some more and get to y.

Someone might tell me I need to hit z, but perhaps I’ll feel less comfortable there. Or I might find it too hard to stay there, the constant food obsession and worry cancelling out any benefit I get from it.

So, with some reluctance, I stepped onto the scales.

It was worse than I thought.

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I’m not delusional, I know that I’m heavy. I know I’ve put some on, but looking down at that number was a surprise. How had I got that bad? I really needed to make an effort, as this was worse than I’d expected.

I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to feel guilty or ashamed of my body. I need to make this change so that I can feel better.

I’m a big believer in accepting and loving yourself, that there is no ideal and the main thing is to be happy. I applaud and love those people who seek to encourage body confidence and change our society’s narrow view of beauty.

Every time I hear someone talking about loving their body and being happy in the face of negativity I can’t help admire those people, and share their stories to help others.

Turns out I need to help myself. I need to lose a bit of weight, because I have let myself go and more importantly I feel bad about myself. I need to make this change, for my own well being.

I’m going to keep looking at the scales, so I know I’m succeeding. But I’m not setting a hard target, because I don’t want to get too obsessed with those little numbers.

I will stop when I want to. When I feel good about myself, when I am comfortable. Not when a scale tells me to.

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This is where I want to get to

Sorry, a bit of a ramble, I know, but thanks for sticking with me. And I’ll keep you posted on how I do and feel.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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One Comment on “Fat boy on a diet: Scale of the problem”

  1. stephieann8 says:

    Yea that shock of looking at a scale and seeing a number bigger than I thought was not a good feeling!


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