Inside Chris’ Studio

There’s an American TV show where this guy sycophantically interviews film stars, it’s not particularly interesting because the dude doesn’t really probe that deep. However, every guest is asked the same questions as part of the process, and as my acting career has stalled at amateur dramatics level I thought I’d answer them here, so here we go.

1. Favourite word.

Discombobulate.

I can’t remember when I first heard this word, for some reason I think it was either Don King or a Don King impression that used the word, but I dug it. It’s just one of those words that sounds right for what it means.

Discombobulated just sounds more fitting and accurate than “confused”.

2. Least favourite word.

YOLO.

Does YOLO count as a word? It’s my blog and I’m saying it does. This only just edged out “bae”, and only because I’ve not heard anyone seriously use bae out loud. I’m not against text speech, it has it’s place- in text. Using them out loud is not kosher and I’m secretly a little judgmental of anyone who uses them out loud.

YOLO doesn’t mean anything offensive, and the idea of “you only live once” can be freeing and a decent policy in some areas, but the problem is that about 90% of the people I’ve heard use this unironically have been douches, and that’s just tainted the whole thing for me.

yolo

3. What turns you on?

Well, MWG obviously.

Aside from her, I generally favour bigger, curvier women.

On a non-looks basis? I like passion. I don’t just mean sexual passion, I just find it an attractive quality when someone is really passionate and into something, although still able to laugh at it a bit, because passion is good, obsession is something else, and you’ve got to have a sense of humor about stuff.

4. What turns you off?

Bigotry.

Gods, that sounds pretentious.

Hate, I guess. Everyone has things they don’t like, that’s part of life, but there’s this level where it tips into this angry, consuming hate which is just incredibly ugly to me.

hate

Man, I sound like a hippie.

5. What sound/noise do you love?

Ice cream van music.

It doesn’t matter where or when I hear it, a little part of me is happy to hear it. I think it’s because I like knowing that it’s making kids excited and happy, and that as an adult I can pick whatever I want if I choose to go follow the piper’s tune, without my Dad pressuring me to go for a Mini Milk (they were like 20p when I was a kid, and my Dad would try and nudge us in that direction).

6. What sound/noise do you hate?

England rugby fans singing “Swing Low”.

And not just because it usually means England are winning, but because of the song’s origins as a slave spiritual which doesn’t fit with the certain type of English fan it brings to mind- a little bit posh, arrogant and basically a douche.

7. Favourite curse word?

Motherf**ker and it’s variants.

It’s long and you can adjust tone so it can be used in lots of different ways. And I just love how it sounds, especially when said by Samuel L Jackson.

8.What profession would you like to attempt?

Writer.

This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was like twelve, and while what type of writer I’ve wanted to be has changed it’s always been there. I think I’d like to be a globe trotting reporter who meets weird people and tells their stories in a kinda gonzo way.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Nurse, politician, call centre worker, soldier, England football manager, there’s a bunch, really.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

“You did alright, kid. Maybe you failed a lot, and you coulda been nicer at times, but you did alright. And you were right, I ain’t got a problem with the gays or other religions, heck, I’m letting you in and some of the stuff you’ve written on that blog is pretty close to blasphemy. Whatever, get in here, there’s lots of cool people you gotta meet.”

NB In my head God speaks with either the voice of John Wayne or Katherine Hepburn.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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