No kinky sex, please, we’re British

Mum, if the title wasn’t enough of a clue, this post ain’t for you.

Tuesday was a bad day for British smut fans as new guidelines set out by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) set out some strong rules for what isn’t going to be allowed in UK made adult movies.

porn ban

Bearing in mind these are all films made for consenting adults by consenting adults, but apparently we can’t be allowed to see the following:

Spanking, caning, aggressive whipping (prompting one tweeter to ask if “non-aggressive whipping” is even possible), verbal/physical abuse (again this is simulated by adults, so is abuse in all films out now?), humiliation (see abuse), strangulation, fisting, facesitting and watersports (or urolagnia, to give it its classier name).

There’s also to be no penetration by objects “associated with violence” so I guess that’s, what? Gun sex (I’m too worried to even Google that phrase, though it would make a good band name).

There’s only one thing I sort of understand, a ban on roleplaying as non-adults, which is a dodgy area, to say the least.

The most bizarre ban is on female ejaculation. This seems not to be grounded in any sort of objection regarding potential injury, in fact it’s hard to see why this isn’t going to be allowed. It just seems to come from a personal objection based on squeamishness or frigidity.

Banning female ejaculation is basically the powers that be saying that there’s something icky or perverse about female pleasure. It displays an outdated and sexist view of sex where the male orgasm is prioritized, there’s no ban on male ejaculation and in most porn the “money shot” is the finale of the scene, further enhancing this sense that it’s all about the dude getting his rocks off.

Similarly facesitting is banned yet there’s no mention of stopping deepthroating or positions where the man is on top and in charge during oral sex. It just seems as though practices where female performers are in charge have been targeted, which is a shame as it means porn may become increasingly male-focused and stop porn where the female role is the one in power.

MWG and I have watched porn together a few times, and both enjoyed it before we got together, and some of the porn we liked featured some of the now banned practices (I won’t specify which ones), and that’s fine, different strokes for different folks. If it isn’t your bag, then don’t watch it. There’s a world of smut out there, and if chains and whips don’t excite you then move along and find what does work for you.

The new regulations won’t stop kinky porn, or people engaging in kinky activities. It only applies to homegrown smut and you’ll still be able to get all your spanking and whipping preferences met thanks to the internet and foreign filth (I suspect that phrase is going to misdirect a few Daily Mail readers to my blog). So, why has the BBFC bought these new rules in?

It just seems as though it’s a list made by a bunch of dudes who have just collected what they themselves aren’t into. It would be like putting me in charge and letting me ban the stuff which doesn’t do it for me, like porn parodies of movies which aren’t remotely sexual in the first place.

There's a Spongebob porn parody, who even came up with that?
There’s a Spongebob porn parody, who even came up with that?

It just seems to me that the ban isn’t based on anything more than what a bunch of people are uncomfortable with, and that’s not how the BBFC should work. Porn should be easier to regulate than regular movies, and the rules should be simple-

  1. Everyone involved has to be an adult.
  2. Everyone has to have consented to their participation, and what the scene will entail (if a performer has signed up for some BDSM stuff then it’s all cool, if it’s just a vanilla porn and suddenly someone starts getting a little rough, that’s not cool).
  3. There should be some kind of “Our performers are professional and experts were on hand” warning advising people that they can try out what they see but to do so carefully and with thought.

That’s it, really. Everyone knows what’s going to happen and is okay with what’s going to happen, and have made those decisions as adults.

I can’t see any upside to this ban, in fact it’s just going to weaken the UK porn industry, which is going to hurt people economically. The internet has democratized porn, and allowed people to cater to different tastes, and there are lots of self-employed smut peddlers out there who run their own websites and sell their own DVDs.

For British performers and producers, who have found their niche in the world of female domination or femdom, the new regulations seriously hinder what they can do on DVD. Sure, there’s still going to be femdom stuff out there, but a massive section of the UK porn industry, who make money, employ people and presumably pay taxes have taken a big hit. Porn is all about taste, and for some folks seeing a British woman in charge is what they like, and a performer from the US, Germany or wherever won’t tick the same box.

A psychiatrist could probably point to it being tied in with some female authority figure in that viewer’s life, a teacher or something. Personally, I just kinda dig a take charge woman, and I’ve known that for years, probably starting with the way I was oddly attracted to Ann Robinson on The Weakest Link as a young man.

Ann Robinson really did it for early teens Chris.
Ann Robinson really did it for early teens Chris.

The final flaw with this new legislation regards the pesky female ejaculation issue. A few years ago I read a letter to a problem page about a girl who experienced this, I think during foreplay with a boyfriend. It hadn’t happened before and neither of them had seen or heard of it before, so were a little bit freaked out, and her boyfriend thought it was pee (either way, she wouldn’t be able to do it on film now).

People talk about porn being hurtful for people’s sexuality or attitudes towards sex don’t get that for some it can reassure them, they can see that there are other folks who respond or look the same way (I’m talking here of lower level, grass roots porn which gives a broader view of the shapes and sizes that us humans come in and not perfect body the media puts forth). If that girl had seen a porn film where the female performer ejaculated she’d know what was up, and neither of them would have freaked out. It can also reassure you that you’re not a massive freak, because guess what, there are other cats out there who are into the same things.

And also, sometimes porn just introduces you to stuff you want to try, and as long as your partner’s down with it, then crack on, have fun.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

2 thoughts on “No kinky sex, please, we’re British

  1. Full disclosure, I’ve existed on the kinky side of things for a while and I’d actually heard about this months ago. One of the things you missed mentioning is that anyone caught possessing any of the banned materials is looking at criminal charges and being listed as a sexual offender. So now, not only can those things not be made in the UK, they cannot be possessed in the UK, and I do believe that even watching them via internet streaming rather than downloading is also grounds for arrest and conviction.

    Do I think this is based on some fear of female empowerment? No, mostly because for as many of the banned things effect situations where the female is dominant, it effects as many that are in effect during female submission. If anything, it might be plan anti-female, but one gets the impression that if they could have banned male ejaculation as well they would have. Though that, is I will admit, mere speculation.

    I do find it odd, that as the UK attempts to be more “open minded” towards the rights of homosexuals (hurray) and Muslim Immigrants (see my latest webshow on my site for the wtf that is), they are intent on slamming doors on people’s sexual identities. I wish I could figure out why they did this, but I do agree with you. It’s probably going to seriously hurt the UK porn industry, and if it doesn’t hurt it in terms of movies, in terms of the audience running in fear it certainly will.

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