Curses!

Recently I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, the annual parade of has beens and D-listers being tormented for the public’s amusement. It’s trash telly at it’s very worst, or best depending on your viewpoint.

imaceleb

Personally I’ve only ever watched little bits of it before, but as some of my flatmates wanted to watch it I’ve tuned into it a couple of times.

The lineup follows the traditional rules for the show, with the contestants filling familiar roles:

  • The American- Usually famous over here for one role, this year it’s Alfonso Ribeiro aka Carlton from the Fresh Prince. Was a tad too enthusiastic to begin with, but seemed to be doing his best to be polite and chipper, but I suspect we may see a diva-ish melt dow. Prediction: Early exit.
  • The Bikini Girl- Miss GB, Amy Willerton, fits the role perfectly as the one who’ll spend ages showering in a bikini and get splashed all over the tabloids. She also fulfills the role of “Do they really count as a celebrity?” Prediction: There until the closing stages, barring a meltdown during a task or spurning Joey’s advances.

imaceleb amy

  • The Idiot- Also serving as “The one who’s already been on a reality show”, it’s The Only Way is Essex star Joey Essex. So far he seems lovably daft and excitable, and him being taught to tell time at the age of 23 and his glee at getting it right was rather endearing. Prediction: Top 3 finish.
  • The Posh One Who’s Out of His Depth- Also barely a celeb, David Emmanuel is most known for designing Princess Diana’s wedding dress. He seems to not really know what he’s in for, but I quite like his kinda old school, upper crust luvvie character. Prediction: Will do well, unless his temper frays early.
  • The Normal One- Olympic swimmer Rebecca Adlington, she seems the most down to earth and least glitzy. Prediction: Final 3 and my shout for winner.
  • The Boring One- Former snooker champion Steve Davis is often seen as being extremely dull, and he’s done little to shatter that perception yet. Getting on okay with everyone so far. Prediction: Will coast for a while in the background, but will be gone long before the final.
  • The Mother- The older female characters can either be whingers or comedy gold, and so far Eastenders actress Laila Morse has been good value. She’s had a few little bitchy comments and looks like she doesn’t suffer fools, I predict she’ll be quite a handful when fights start but surprising soft when dealing with unhappy campers. Prediction: Leaving just before the final 3.
  • The Soap Star- I never understand why they have soap stars, because they’re usually not famous themselves, just purely for the character they play, as is the case of Lucy Pargeter, who plays trashy but oddly attractive barmaid Chas in Emmerdale. She seems fairly down to earth and I think she might turn out to be quite bolshy and funny. Prediction: Gone somewhere in the middle.
  • The Popstar- Ex-Westlife member Kian Egan is the singer in camp, and probably hoping for a comeback off the back of this. He seems alright so far if a bit of a non-entity. Hopefully he’ll surprise and not be as bland as he initially appears. Prediction: Will slip into the last 3 but not be a genuine challenger.

The other contestant is journalist and TV presenter Matthew Wright, who before the show started I suspected might be a likely winner, but having cried and whinged in the early stages I can’t see him pulling off more than an early departure. Which is a shame as he always seemed like a decent enough bloke on his TV show, needs to find his back bone or at least start being funny.

I’ll probably get bored early on, and lose interest, but it’s quite a fun way to waste an evening after lectures and assignments when you just need to switch off with some trash.

The reason I’m writing about it today is because yesterday in a newsagents I saw one of the stupidest non-news stories yet.

Under the sensational “Curse of the Jungle” headline borderline newspaper The Daily Star detailed that the celebs are terrified because their campsite is apparently subject to an Aboriginal curse or an “evil spell”.

Yeah, in 2013, a national newspaper is saying that the native population have placed a curse on the land. It sounds like something which would have been toe-curlingly backwards even 50 years ago, portraying the Aboriginal community as a bunch of cartoonish Tintin characters using black magic.

They’ve actually got “a local elder” to join in with the story, with Gerry Bostock stating “the spirits will not like people trampling over it, especially if they have negative energy.”

Way to make your people look like caricatures, Gerry.

Now call me cynical, but if the spirits really had powers and could tell people to, as Gerry puts it, “piss off” I’d have thought they would have started a little earlier on. Y’know, when the white settlers were treating their descendants abysmally, not when Joey Essex ate a scorpion. It just seems that second string celebs trying to stay in the line up is an odd place to draw your line in the sand and crawl from the grave to start some s**t.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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