Five Most Disappointing Movies

No matter how much you try to heed the advice of Public Enemy, hype is a hard thing to avoid getting caught up in, especially if you’re a film geek. Interviews, teaser trailers, promotional artwork- it all does it’s job in getting you excited for the next big release. And then you hand over your money, sit down and it’s just a massive disappointment, so here’s a list of the 5 movies which have let me down the most.

This list is partly inspired by the fact that Jurassic Park: The Lost World was on earlier and that flick was a big letdown. Aside from two great sequences (the glass and the grass) and the fact it’s got Jeff Goldblum in the lead, it has very little to recommend it and is terrible compared to the excellent original.

5. Superman Returns

Why I was excited: I’m a massive Superman and it had been years since the Man of Steel had been on our big screens. Also Brian Singer had done an okay job with the X-Men movies. Also, Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor sounded like an attractive proposition.

Routh wasn't the best, but he didn't really get a fair crack.

Routh wasn’t the best, but he didn’t really get a fair crack.

Why it was a let down: Singer botched it completely. It started with the old John Williams music and the same style credits as the Christopher Reeve classics, but after that it dropped like a lead weight. Brandon Routh was weighed down by a dull, overly serious script and the fact that they had the most noble of heroes essentially become a stalker as he loitered around, spying on his ex, the blandest Lois Lane ever, played with little spark by Kate Bosworth.

4. Star Wars Episode I- The Phantom Menace

The obvious inclusion.

Why I was excited: I’d only had a couple of years to really become a Star Wars fan, after rediscovering them through the ’97 special editions, but I fell fast and hard for Lucas’ film saga.  New adventures, maybe more about the awesome sounding “clone wars” mentioned in Episode IV, and see how Darth Vader went bad. Add into this an early glimpse of a new, badass looking bad guy and I was ready to be charmed again.

Anyone who tells you they weren't psyched when they saw the trailer and Maul popped the double ended lightsaber is lying.

Anyone who tells you they weren’t psyched when they saw the trailer and Maul popped the double ended lightsaber is lying.

Why it was a let down: Look, we all know what went wrong- Jar Jar, Anakin as an annoying little brat and the fact that Darth Maul was massively disappointing. The script and performances were stilted and awkward, with Lucas seeming to have forgotten about characters and being in love with the tech. Oh, and f**king Jar Jar, best summed up by Tim in Spaced:

jar jar

3. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

WIWE: The most badass of the X-Men gets a solo run out that explores his background and a second chance at doing Sabretooth properly. Also, there were going to be a ton of other mutants in the mix as Logan became Weapon X.

Wolverine and a bunch of other cool mutants, what could go wrong? Lots, it turned out.

Wolverine and a bunch of other cool mutants, what could go wrong? Lots, it turned out.

WIWALD: Gods love him, Hugh Jackman does his best, but Liev Schreiber’s psychopathic Sabretooth aside, there was nothing to recommend this film. Add to this that the film makes no sense within the timeline of the other X-Movies (Emma Frost is a teenager here, but a fully grown woman in First Class, set 20 years earlier?).

The film then compounds it’s flaws by taking a whole bunch of X-Men characters and making rubbish versions of them- the Blob is taken out in a boxing fight, Gambit is a bland douchebag and despite the wonderful casting of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, they fail to even coming close to capturing the character’s wisecracking awesomeness.

Reynolds- wasted.

Reynolds- wasted.

True testament to how bad it is? Will.I.Am isn’t the worst thing in the movie.

2. Aliens Vs Predator

WIWE: Two of the best sci-fi nasties throwing down? Hell yeah!

That tagline is literally the best thing associated with this movie

That tagline is literally the best thing associated with this movie

WIWALD: It took the two monsters but then cut out all the things that made the original movies so fun- there was no element of real danger, the violence was largely bloodless and lacklustre, and they even cut out the swearing, despite it being one of Predator‘s most quotable lines. The little nods to the earlier films just served to highlight what dross this was, and the female lead was a complete non-entity.

1. The Matrix Reloaded

WIWE: The first flick blew me away and remains a firm favourite, so all the talk of a trilogy which expanded on the world of the Matrix and seeing what Neo (Keanu Reeves) had done after hanging up the phone in the first movie had me buzzing with nerdy enthusiasm. Throw in a couple of interesting new characters and a shot of Neo fighting numerous Agent Smiths? My mates and I were there on opening night.

Who are those dudes in white? And how badass does everyone look? I was sold

Who are those dudes in white? And how badass does everyone look? I was sold

WIWALD: Traditional sequel rules applied- make everything bigger, but this turned out to be a mistake as it ruined all the good things from the first.

Interesting questions regarding reality and the mind’s power were replaced with impenetrable pseud-philosophical balderdash. The cool special effects were overdone and that Neo vs Smiths fight just looked horribly

A chase along the freeway should’ve been a standout sequence, but I remember getting bored halfway through. I disliked the film so much I never bothered to see part 3 and the only positive I can remember was Monica Bellucci.

Bellucci- the best thing about the movie

Bellucci- the best thing about the movie

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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