Sometimes you just want to watch Con Air: Online Dating StoriesPosted: June 9, 2013
I’m a member of an online dating website, which is free to join and named after a saying associated with dating. I go on every now and then, have a look around and fire off a few messages, usually with little success.
Today I had one of those visits and stumbled across a girl who seemed pretty cool, we had a few overlapping interests, I found her attractive and interesting, and so I decided to send her a message.
But then the website told me I couldn’t message her.
This is one of the features of the website, you can set up conditions for who can contact you. Y’know so you don’t get hassled by people way older than you or users without pictures, stuff like that. It’s a good feature.
One of the things you can set up is that only other members looking for the same thing can contact you. For example, if you’re looking for a serious commitment it can stop people who are just trying to found no string flings.
I think this is what stopped me from contacting the lady.
Here’s the thing, I want a girlfriend. A proper one- commitment, walks on the beach, nights on the sofa, late night chats, a plus one for social occasions- I want all of that.
However, I’m a dude, and well, sometimes my intentions are less pure. I have, occasionally, in the past, searched for women who were wanting less of a commitment.
Now, here’s where I think the website has a flaw. I mean, sure I get that people who want a proper relationship don’t want to be hassled by someone who’s just looking to hook up. It means nobody wastes anybody else’s time.
But I think like me, people aren’t always looking for the same thing. It can change.
I’m now going to use a metaphor to illustrate this. It’s a little convoluted but bear with me.
I’m a member of a film streaming site, and it lets me make a little list of flicks I want to watch. I’m trawling through the site’s database and I’m looking for some awesome, classic movies to watch. A movie I can sit down and really get stuck into.
For example, The Godfather– it’s a great movie, awesome performances and script, beautifully shot and a genuine classic.
But The Godfather hasn’t been added to the database/selection yet.
And sometimes you’re just not in the mood for that kind of film. I mean, The Godfather is kinda heavy, and it’s about 3 hours long. As great as that movie is, and as much as I love it, it’d be daft to suggest that’s what I want to watch all the time. I mean, when I’m watching The Godfather it’s a different story, I have no desire to watch any other movie, I’m totally dedicated and committed to watching The Godfather.
One evening I’m just sat around the house and I’m bored, and it’s been a rough week and I just want to watch something simple and fun. Let’s say I want to watch Con Air.
It’s trashy and dumb, but it’s a whole heap of fun.
So, I watch Con Air, but then a while later I log onto the site and The Godfather has been added. So I decide to watch it, but the site won’t let me because I’ve watched Con Air.
Basically what I’m saying is- a hook up is Con Air, and The Godfather is a relationship.
When I don’t have either I can choose between the two, but I don’t see why opting for one rules me out of getting the other.
I appreciate the site has a reason for this, but it just seems short sighted. I mean, and I don’t mean to sound crass, but there are going to be people on a dating site that you can see yourself being with in a relationship and there are others you can see yourself being with for a shorter period of time.
When I set up my profile I said I was looking to date, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look around for other options, does it?
And also, what if you start off looking for casual things but then as time goes by your outlook changes, you want different things but you can’t get them because of what you previously wanted.
When I was a kid I wanted McDonalds, now I want a higher standard of food.
My brief desire for something simpler and less committed has meant that I’ve lost out on someone who could potentially have been a serious partner.
Or could have ignored my message like most of the other girls.
It’s just been bugging me.
That sense that I may have messed it up by trying to please my baser urges, but also the fact that the whole site scuppers you because of that. It should make the decision based on what it says on your profile and mine says I’m looking for a relationship. That would be a fairer way of judging what someone’s after and also give people room to change their minds.
Sorry if that didn’t all make sense, was watching Castle and am rather tired.
Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.