Pretty Awful Woman

Being a teenage boy is essentially a four year stretch where you’re horny at the slightest provocation and desperate to have sex, even if, as in my case, the very idea fills you with dread at the same time.

This desperation and desire is captured rather well in the film American Pie or the television show The Inbetweeners, and as a teenage boy you kind of want all situations to somehow develop into a porn film and constantly pursue ways of getting laid. The risks usually run no higher than crippling embarrassment and moments that even a decade later can make you cringe, but with the internet and others being braver and/or dumber some lads run greater risks.

I had a friend in school who seriously contemplated saving up to fly to America to meet the woman he’d been chatting up online. Luckily he abandoned this plan before he wound up in a low budget horror movie scenario.

But recently I saw a news story about a guy who used the internet in his hormonal quest for nookie and got a pretty raw deal.

A 14 year old kid in the suburbs of Chicago went online using his iPad and using a site for internet hookups chatted to a 22 year old woman who he believed was a hooker. One can only imagine the glee which overtook our horny hero, and he invited the lady to his home, clearly imagining a kind of Risky Business/Pretty Woman style situation.

Unfortunately for the young resident of the Prospect Heights area it turned into something out of a grim crime movie or female-focused version of Grand Theft Auto, with the lady in question entering his room only to pepper spray him and then rob him, taking his iPad and, in a detail which is both hilarious and heartbreaking, his piggy bank.


Dude still had a piggy bank. If you’re keeping your money in a pig you’re clearly not old enough to be having sex.

Still, it’s hard not to feel sorry for the lad. Luckily, the lady didn’t turn out to be a criminal mastermind and was apprehended shortly afterwards because she was using the iPad she’d stolen. She’s now facing time in prison but the local police showed a little bit of sympathy and decided not to nab the lad on charges on solicitation. I imagine that his parents finding out what he’d been up to while they were out was punishment enough.

So, I guess the moral of the story is don’t invite strangers from the internet to your home. Or if you steal an iPad don’t go online with it.

Story here.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.


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