Pointless Things: Tangled up in Blue

I watched Battleship the other day. It’s not great. I mean, it’s not the worst film ever made, and given I was on a night shift I needed something pretty simple to follow, but it’s riddled with flaws (Liam Neeson clearly just picking up the pay cheque, a protagonist who’s a total bell end, very cheesy scenes, not enough Rihanna, the fact it’s a blatant Transformers rip off but manages to fall short of even that level of skill).


Anyway, aside from all these flaws it had something that annoys me immensely. Blue camouflage gear.

When I was in my early teens there was a bit of a camo craze, and people started wearing camo a lot and this spun off into them creating new colours beyond the traditional jungle camouflage- there was a sandy, desert style. A greyish one meant for cities or if you were having a war in an old episode of Doctor Who. And then some daft ones like pink camo and blue.

The thing is, I always found it a bit daft, because while it might help a bit you’re still kind of noticeable, unless you’ve stuck mud and twigs all over yourself. And when you’re standing around on bases or trying to recruit in town centres it doesn’t work at all, you’re not blending in with the outside of JJB Sports, are you?


The camouflage trend went away, although according to the Google auto complete it’s coming back, as shown here by Carly Rae Jepsen.


At the time I assumed that the blue camouflage gear was just a daft fashion thing similar to the pink stuff, but according to Battleship it’s actually used by naval types (and Google again throws up some suggestion that it’s used in real life).

This is the stupidest thing I’ve seen in a long while.

Here’s the thing, I’m no Admiral Nelson, so these are just my uninformed ideas on naval warfare, but wearing camouflage gear at sea just seems pointless- I mean, it doesn’t matter if you match the colour of the sea, you’re most likely going to be standing on a massive boat that they’ll be able to see anyway. Unless the idea is to confuse the enemy or to scare them into thinking it’s a ghost ship.

And if you do happen to be bobbing about in the water, surely the last thing you want to do is blend in with your surroundings. Finding someone in the sea is hard enough by all accounts, but dressing them in blue makes it like looking for a needle in a haystack after you’ve painted the needle yellow too.

You kind of want to stand out so you can get picked up. I’d rather be in the pink stuff. Hell, I’d want to look like I’d just left a rave.

Even if you were doing scuba diving to sneak up on someone, wouldn’t traditional black gear work just as well?

So, yeah, this is the kind of thing I think about on night shifts.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO.

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