Love Bites

Today at work, during a quiet period I wound up discussing love bites (or hickeys for American readers) with a coworker.

For tgose unfamiliar with them love bites are marks caused by sucking on someone’s skin, most typically seen on the necks of teenagers.

Basically during heavy petting teens will go at each other like Christopher Lee on a busty servant girl in a Hammer movie.


I think its partly a hormonal “caught up in the moment” kinda deal and also a way of showing off how advanced and grown up their relationship is, the irony being that I know no adults who walk aroubd sporting these marks.

Anyway, the discussion prompted an old memory in me.

Many moons ago when I was a teenager my little sis, Liz came down to the dinner table sporting a little neck scarf.

Nothing too remarkable, as my sister’s style at the time was quite unique, and we were used to a plethora of daft, tea-cosyish hats, so a neck scarf wasn’t too weird.

But like in a thriller when the detective flashes back to a vital clue I remembered various characters in Aussie soap Neighbours sporting turtle necks and scarfs. And all for one reason:

“You’ve got a love bite, haven’t you?”

I can’t remember the real reaction, I think my parents were confused and amused mainly, but in my memory I like to add gasps and a sobbing confession, like in an old school mystery before I’m asked how I worked it out.

At which point I lean back.

“Elementary, my dear Miriam. You see, the weather is much to fine to warrant neckwear. And it is clearly not a fashion choice, the small neck scarf having not been en vogue since the 50s.”

I pause to fill my pipe.

“No, the reason was to obscure something. Now, Liz is sat in sunlight so she can’t be a vampire. Ergo, she must have recieved a love bite.”

Light pipe, roll credits.

Incidentally I may have been mistaken about the adults not having love bites, maybe this guy was plastered in them.


Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO

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