What would my followers be called?

Change is a vital part of life. And, quite often a good one- I’m glad we’re no longer monkeys, that they turned Nick Fury into Samuel L. Jackson and that Fleetwood Mac shuffled their membership and produced Rumours, one of the greatest albums of all time.

One of my all time favourite albums

But sometimes its nice to have constants, its kind of reassuring. Take for example football, a game that I’ve loved with varying degrees of intensity since the 1994, and in that time I’ve seen a lot of changes in the game- players come and go, managers even more frequently, even a few teams have ceased to be in those 18 years, so its nice that throughout my entire following of the sport there have been two consistent figures. Two Scotsmen who have weathered all the storms and continue to be major figures- Match of the Day‘s resident grouch Alan Hansen, still providing sarcastic, critical reviews of woeful defending and Sir Alex Ferguson, Manchester United’s manager who, despite advancing age, continues to hold firm as rivals crack under the pressure.

Of course, sooner or later these two figures will retire and/or die. Even Queen Elizabeth, who’s been a constant presence throughout my life will one day disappear.

So its nice to know that there is one thing which will remain constant, regardless of the passage of time, and that is that I will never understand teenage girls.

As a child I watched them with confusion, their rituals and habits a mystery to me. I understood them even less as a teenager myself, I was interested in them, but they continued to baffle me. And now, as a wiser 26 year old, I must admit I still view some of their behaviour with a feeling of sheer bewilderment.

The aspect I don’t understand the most is their cult-like devotion to their crushes. I’ve written about them before but again here I’m talking about the fans of the boyband One Direction.

I’m not here to slam the band, they’re just another boyband in my view, and I actually thought their single “What Makes You Beautiful” was a fairly charming little tune and one of the sweetest pop songs in years. (Yes that is me trying to avoid getting bullied by teenage girls)

Now, the screaming and hysterics is confusing enough, as is the intense, crazed loyalty that leads them to attack those who dare criticise their idols, but recently I saw something that truly boggled my mind.

One Direction fans in Canada. My god, its spreading!

Before I go on to the point, a slight deviation. Fans of the group call themselves Directioners and there are numerous other groups of fans who give themselves names. I’m not sure when this started, were Take That fans called something when I was a kid that I’ve forgotten? Anyway, its the reason for this blog’s title.

Oh, and incidentally, while their mindless prattling clogs up twitter, kudos goes to the Justin Bieber fans who have the slightly clever name of Beliebers. Although some use Jeliebers, which kind of misses the point of what makes the original name almost intellegent.

Anyway, back to the point.

The Fabricated Five have been touring Australia, and while doing an interview got into a bit of banter about the attractiveness of the radio station’s receptionist.

One Direction and the receptionist, Anna, who was about to enter a world of mental

One of the group, Zayn exchanged numbers and the two exchanged a few texts back and forth.

This is where teenage girl mentalness kicks in- apparently angry Directioners were unhappy about this turn of events and sought out the receptionist, Anna Crotti online, where they gave her abuse and even sent death threats.

What the hell is wrong with these people?

I get hormones are raging, I get crushes on celebrities, but sending death threats and abuse to some poor girl just because one of the band takes a shine to her? That’s not cool.

Sure, when I found out that Freddie Prinze Jr was going out with Sarah Michelle Gellar I thought “You lucky bastard!” and was a little jealous, but did I send death threats to the bloke? No. Hell, if I’d seen him in the street would I have given him shit about it? No, I probably would’ve just said: “Hey, Freddie! I loved She’s All That” and I wouldn’t have been being sarcastic, I do love that movie.

Its cheesy, but I like it.

These girls are flat out mental.

I mean, what the hell goes through someone’s head? When you’re a teenager you fantasise about the celebrities you fancy, but deep down you’ve gotta know it’s an extreme long shot.

Even when I was 15 I knew I didn’t have a shot with SMG, Hannah Spearitt or Britney Spears. I could daydream about what it’d be like to meet and date these women, but it was a fantasy land. The real world had no effect on my fantasies, it didn’t matter that Britney was dating Justin Timberlake because I could still have my little daydream, just like the fact I’m 26, overweight and have little to no skill doesn’t stop me from idly daydreaming about getting called up to play for Wales.

I still dream of getting one of these.

These girls must realise that regardless how much they lust over Zayn, Harry and the other 3 that its never going to happen. That it is just a crush, that it doesn’t matter who the boys date that they can still have their little fantasies.

The sending of death threats is utterly indefensible and the band should’ve come out really strong against it, issued a strongly worded statement in which they pretty much say that anybody who does something like this is a dick and someone they want nothing to do with. If they came out that hard then it might prompt the idiotic Directioners to stop and think, or at least feel ashamed of themselves.

In five, ten years these little girls who send abuse and hate mail to some poor girl because some bloke thought she was hot are going to be in their 20s, and you hope that at that point, probably after the band have split up, they sit there and feel deeply, deeply ashamed about what they did.

Imagine how intimidating it must be to be bombarded by angry, vile messages from strangers when you’ve done nothing wrong. The lady in question actually said

By the end of the day it got a bit too scary. I didn’t even want to walk home. It was so intense

Nobody has the right to make anybody feel  that intimidated and hounded, its truly despicable.

I don’t care how out of control your hormones are or how hot Zayn gets you under the collar, you’re still a human being and should have some sense of right and wrong. I did stupid things as a teenager, we all did, but I’d never have done something this horrible and idiotic.

If I was a parent and I found out my daughter had done something like this? There would be hell to pay.

Which makes it more unbelievable that some mothers rang the station to tell the girl that their daughters were crying, or trying to find out if she knew where the band was. What the hell are doing?

Why ring the girl? Should she feel bad because some teen idol finds her attractive rather than your daughter who he’s never even met?

This is a tiny crush she has on a celebrity, think back to when you fancied Mark Owen or whoever, and know that its nothing serious just a mixture of lust, hormones and fantasy.

Do not encourage her to think more of it, and definitely don’t make some other girl’s life a living hell, how would you feel if it was your daughter who’d been singled out by one of the band and was now getting hassled by demented teens and their idiotic mothers.

I’m not a cold hearted bastard, if she is upset, comfort the kid, the teenage years are rough, but if it goes on for longer than, I dunno, 10 minutes, then its time to try and get the kid to get a grip and some perspective.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO

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3 Comments on “What would my followers be called?”

  1. I completely agree. I have no respect for fans of One Direction and Justin Beiber – they take over Twitter, which is annoying enough – but their behaviour towards anyone who criticises their idols, or may or may not be dating them (which, by the way, any fans reading this, the majority of these stories are not true) is absolutely unacceptable. It’s childish and cruel and it ruins peoples lives. When I was a massive fan of a boyband as a teenager, I was upset when I found out my favourite member had a girlfriend, but I could do nothing about it and I didn’t blame the girlfriend – it’s nothing to do with her. It’s upsetting to think that your idol has a life away from you, and they don’t actually know you. But they do have a life, and they really don’t know you. Be gracious, and more importantly, DON’T behave badly towards others. It’s bullying and it’s cruel.

  2. […] when it comes to their kids, I mean, this guy’s overreaction isn’t as bad as that idiot woman who threatened some poor lass one of One Direction flirted with, but it comes from the same dumb […]

  3. […] voices of sanity, rationality and sense are lost in a tumult of complete and utter dicks. Following threats to random women the boys find attractive, this week they kicked off again on Twitter, not so much tweeting as […]


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