Unappealing Movies 2

Last time I wrote about Unappealing Movies, I focused on New Year’s Eve and Spooky Buddies. I wound up seeing New Year’s Eve, and while it wasn’t as bad as I’d feared it was still far from good.

Anyway, this time around I’m again focusing on two movies.

Battleship

Ah, where to begin.

I’m sure that when Transformers was released a few years back, every film magazine editor commissioned someone to make a tongue in cheek list of other toys/games that could be turned into films as well. Seemingly, a movie exec read one of these and treated it as a serious pitch.

The trailer makes a big deal its from Hasbro, the company that bought you Transformers, and its clear that their earlier success is the inspiration for this flick. They’ve pretty much lifted the entire format- loud action where CGI robots beat the crap out of things and stuff explodes.

I enjoyed the first Transformers flick, it had some nice touches and it was cool to see characters I’d loved as a child come back, also, I’m a big Shia Labouef fan (ignoring Transformers 2 and the Indy abomination, of course). But Battleship looks unlikely to match it.

I know I’ll wind up seeing this at some point, probably on TV or DVD, but I’m unwilling to fork over my hard earned, okay, earned money to see it in the cinema.

Three questions about this movie:

  1. What the hell is Liam Neeson doing in this?
  2. Seriously, you make a Battleship movie and don’t have the line “You sunk my battleship!” in the trailer? Shame on you!
  3. How bad can you mess up that I’m unenthused about a film that features Rihanna carrying a big gun and covered in grease?

I saw this and thought, there can be no major theatrical release that I am less keen to see.

But, I had forgotten to account the depths to which the movie biz will sink. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you-

Streetdance 2

I like musicals, okay? Singin’ in the Rain remains one of my all time favourite movies, and I love some of the dance sequences in it.

There are a few movies that feature dancing in the plot that I really dig- Footloose, Dirty Dancing, Bring It On.

However, the street dancing genre completely baffles me. I didn’t see the first Streetdance, because I pretty knew what was going to happen and decided not to waste my time. What I do remember about the trailer though was coming away thinking that every character in the movie appeared to be a douchebag.

Anyway, Streetdance 2, sees a new team of dancers being put together for a competition. They decide to team up with some salsa dancers, but the two groups clash, will they be able to set aside their differences and work together? I’m gonna say they will.

The whole problem with this movie is that even in the short trailer there’s some lamentable acting on show, and its not helped by the fact that one of the leads is played by George Sampson.

For those who don’t know, George Sampson was a kid who won Britain’s Got Talent with his street dancing skills. Since then he decided to branch out into acting and stars in the awful Waterloo Road, which is like a lamer, worse acted Grange Hill.

Sampson is possibly the worst actor in the show, which is quite an achievement. He plays the most unconvincing thug ever, as he looks like a light breeze could knock him over and his “menacing” face is as threatening as a tortoise. In this film he seems to show the same lack of skill when playing for laughs.

Sampson- To acting what Marlon Brando was to street dancing.

Predictable, poorly acted- it just looks like utter dross. Unless forced to, I will never watch this flick.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO

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