And the bland played on…

A few notes is it all it took, that quick burst of pipes and I had shivers down my spine. And not in a good way.

Titanicis back.

"Nothing on Earth could come between them" Even the tagline was rubbish.

I loathe that flick. Now its not a macho, anti-romance thing, because I’m a soft git and love a good romantic movie, but this is not a good one.

Its a holiday romance which is given extra weight because of the sinking. If the boat had made it to New York without incident would they have stayed together? Or would the fling have fizzled?

At a little over 3 hours, its bum-numbingly overlong. The characters are all one-note caricatures- scheming, stuck up toffs and cheery, lovable working class folk.

Now, as well as loving romantic films, I also have a soft spot for big disaster movies. The key ingredients for a good disaster movie is a cast full of A-listers who are introduced quickly, all given backstories and then you play “Who’ll die next?” Its all good fun.

The problem here, however, is that other than Jack and Rose you don’t get much insight into any of the other characters. Apart from Billy Zane, who hams it up quite enjoyably.

People are raving about the fact that its now in 3D, and how great the sinking scenes will look in this new format.

These people are idiots, for three reasons:

  1. 3D is a stupid gimmick
  2. The film wasn’t made to be in 3D which means it’ll be retrofitted. As bad as 3D is, retrofitted 3D manages to be even worse.
  3. The sinking scenes were impressive, and the effects astounding. Or they were. In 1997. The film is 15 years old, and with the advancements in special effects Titanic will look a little ropey, and I can only imagine how much worse they’ll look in 3D.

So why re-release a 15 year old movie? Could it be to cash in on the 100 year anniversary of the real Titanic sinking. Stay classy, 20th Century Fox. I’m suddenly reminded of Bill Hicks’ advice to people who work in marketing.

Speaking of marketing. Look at the idiotic blurb on the above poster. Linking this film with Aliens and T2 is laughable. If you’re a fan of those two awesome movies, an overdone romance is probably not for you.

There is no way I would watch this movie again, let alone pay over the odds to see it in rubbish, pointless 3D.

Hang on.

Kate Winslet has said she’s worried about the fact she’s going to be nude in 3D.

Kate Winslet.


Hmmm. Maybe this whole 3D thing isn’t all bad.

Ah, Winslet, be still my beating heart.

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO

2 thoughts on “And the bland played on…

  1. Actually, I like 3d so far. Star Wars in 3d was pretty cool too see, but then that was shot on digital and might be easier to retrofit. Clash of the Titans was a retro and it did come out bad.

    I still don’t see why we need Titanic back. I summon Ice Burg dead ahead in Attack mode. XP

  2. I was all for the re-release of Casablanca but I am sick of all the other ones. I have no right to feel that way because they aren’t getting any of my money. Thanks for following my blog. You probably know I am a big movie fan so I’m following yours too.

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