I was walking home from work yesterday morning, and coming out of a house was a family getting their two kids ready to go to nursery or something. The younger child, a cute little girl bundled up against the cold to the extent that she looked like a Boobah.

The girl smiled broadly at me while her older brother seemed wary of me, and I probably would have walked past them had I not heard their father talk to the girl.

“Are you ready, Lola?”

Who in their right mind is going to call their daughter Lola? I mean, sure its not the most ridiculous or stupid name I’ve ever heard of (Pixie, Apple, Moon Unit) but come on, its not right.

Pity the poor girl, Lola is not a name for the serious woman. I could only think of one famous Lola, and then it turned out I’d made a mistake as I was thinking of Lolo Ferrari, the pornstar with the preposterous plastic breasts who featured on Eurotrash a few times.

Still, Lola doesn’t sound like a grown up name, I mean would you trust a lawyer called Lola, or a doctor?

It doesn’t help that the two cultural connections it kickstarts in my head are two pop songs- The Kinks’ brilliant “Lola” and the not quite so brilliant “Copacabana” by Barry Manilow. Neither Lola is exactly respectable, and while what they do are their own choice, they’re hardly inspiring figures to name your child after.

I fully believe that naming a child requires lots of thought, you need something that works for a child, and an adult. Ideally, I’d go for something similar to my name- which can be both formal and informal due to being able to be shortened in lots of ways. Similarly the names Daniel, Anthony, David, Katherine, Elizabeth, Rebecca and Steven/Stephanie all work in this way.

I firmly believe there should be some kind of naming bureau where sensible people get to veto name choices. Iceland have one which considers new names, and I think it kind of makes sense.

STUPID PARENT 1: We were considering the name “Tinkerbell”

BUREAU AGENT: Let’s go for, Jane. NEXT!

STUPID PARENT 2: Brooklyn.


Anyway, as I’ve had them stuck in my head for most of the day, here are the two Lola songs:

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO

2 thoughts on “Lola

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