I’ve always wanted a dog, probably as a result of being having grown up in a house with cats.

You can’t have cats and dogs at the same time, it doesn’t work. In fact, as anyone who’s seen Ghostbusters will know, cats and dogs living together is one of the signs of the apocalypse.

We did try it for a short period, my little sister, Liz, really wanted a dog and after much nagging my parents relented. And so we got a dog, a small, white heinz dog, who Liz named Carrie. Sadly, this turned out to be a good choice of name, as she was a crazy bitch.

You couldn’t take her off the lead because she’d go for dogs, any size. She’d lunge at cyclists, bark at anything and generally be a menace to society.

She also tormented our two cats at the time, Tiger and Yoda (guess which one I named), by dragging them around by their necks. Tiger, a soppy git of a cat would allow himself to be dragged about the place without resistance, but Yoda just took to avoiding her, or in a masterful stroke of feline intellegence, finding a spot which drove her nuts. He’d lie down just behind the gate we had on the steps to confine the hellhound to the downstairs, he’d lie just close enough to bask in the sunlight from the window and so Carrie could see him, but far away enough that no matter how much she smacked her head between the bars she couldn’t reach him. That is part of the reason why Yoda remains one of my favourite pets of all time, he was a moody git, but for me, that’s what a cat should be.

But Carrie went too far and bit my sister. She also went for my other sisters, but never for me or my parents, I think because she’d kind of worked out who the weaker pack members were. My mum decided enough was enough when Liz, who’d wanted a dog for years, began avoiding Carrie and seemed afraid of the beast.

Carrie had to go. And we found her a home without kids where she’d probably get on better, and we all moved on. Although, truth be told while out running a while back a small, white dog made a beeline for me across the park, charging at me and the thought flashed across my mind “Oh, s**t, she’s back for revenge!

Given the lack of success we had, there were no more family dogs. But the run of cats continued.

I don’t mind cats, like I said before, I kind of dig their surly nature and the fact you can leave a cat to their own devices. Aside from feeding them there is no effort required, and they reward you by occasionally curling up on your lap as you read and purring away. It makes you feel quite contented, until you need the loo.

Dogs are harder work, but they seem to appreciate it more. Dogs go nuts when you come back, their tails wag with glee and you can play with them. And that’s why I want a dog, I quite like the traditional image of man’s best friend.

It may be because I watched a lot of films like this as a kid

A dog is loyal and dedicated, doesn’t matter what goes wrong, the mutt is always with you. You see those homeless people sitting there and right next to them is a scruffy dog, panting away. Its gotta make life on the streets a little easier to have a companion you can trust, also I guess you probably get given more cash by passers by, that being the power of dog.

A cat? A cat will have bailed early, finding some other house who’ll feed it. In fact it’ll probably ditch you earlier on, as soon as you switch from Whiskas to supermarket own brand catfood it’ll probably decide its time to move on.

This is a major part of wanting a dog, I want something that’ll watch my back and stick with me, a theory I’ve compiled mainly from watching movies. Like I Am Legend.

Dr Neville and Sam

Also, if movies are to be believed dogs are a useful thing to keep around as a warning sign of things going awry. Seriously, think about it- in both The Woman In Black and Paranormal Activity 2the dogs start kicking up a fuss as soon as the ghosts/demons rock up, and try to protect the family.

Shoulda paid more attention to that dog

I can’t help thinking a cat would just chose this point to slope off down to the nice old lady at number 12 for some free sardines.

And its not just ghosts and spirits, dogs also know when someone isn’t what they seem. In the brilliant World War Z dogs can smell the infected and so can single out who’s gonna turn into a zombie early on. And remember in Terminator 2 its the dog barking on the phone that alerts Arnie that its not Connors’ foster parents they’re talking too.

So I want a dog for three main reasons- companionship, warning against evil and thirdly, I could take it with me for my runs.

I figure its been a while since I made a Rocky reference

Any thoughts? You know what to do. BETEO


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