“You wanna buy some ice cream?”

Today saw the return of the Junior Apprentice, the reality TV show where micro-yuppies all compete to get the help of Lord Alan Sugar.

The Sugar Youth

Its the same deal as with the regular Apprentice but with kids, who in some ways are bigger douches than their adult counterparts. I didn’t think it was possible to hate kids this much, actually that’s a lie, dozens of adverts feature irritating tots, but that’s another blog for another day.

Some of their awful behaviour is excusable due to their youth. The blame lies purely with their parents, who seem to have raised mini-Gekkos who spout business bollocks with alarming skill.

In the opening episode they had to sell ice cream/frozen yoghurts and there were some fantastic moments:

1. The girls throwing away litres of ice cream after half of them decided they didn’t need anymore fruit because it was too heavy or something.

2. James, the most irritating thus far, saying that they should sell their stuff for £1 a scoop, which was embarrassingly low and would’ve eaten into their profit margin.

3. James’ other moment of glory? Suggesting apple and watermelon frozen yoghurt. Apple and watermelon? Its not a combination that pops into the head and it wound up selling poorly.

4. The girls overcharged like bastards at a theme park, and this drove up their profits. They also threw in some seriously underhand tactics- which included charging 20p per cone (who’s going to ask for an ice cream to just be scooped into their hand?) and by serving the kids directly before clobbering the parents with the price.

Unbelievably, the girls fluked victory and enjoyed some zorbing, which looked fun, leaving the boys to face the boardroom.

Going in were team leader Harry, who’d done a good job and just been unlucky, and his two picks. Idiotic James and Mahamed, who despite beinf largely useless was the show’s best character.

First of all he turned up in a white suit sporting some serious bling and then showed a penchant for shiny suits that made him look like a kid who’d gone to a Halloween party as one of The Goodfellas.

His greatest moments were when he claimed to be the best seller of the group, which was laughable as his sales style was flat out threatening, with him getting in people’s faces and asking “You want some ice cream?” in a manner that was a little too intimidating for the seaside. Its a sale tactic I’ve experienced before.

In Camden when I was being offered smack/crack/weed.

Incidentally I wasn’t tempted by the first two and too skint at the time for the third.

His sales were revealed to be the worst and he claimed to have come up with the pirate theme when all he’d done was suggest having the mobile freezer look like atreasure chest, which was a nice touch, but he overplayed his involvement with almost admirable bravado.

When the issue of his intimidating style was raised, and it was suggested he was aggressive he snarled back “I’m not aggressive”. The anger and his suits made him like a London version of Joe Pesci, and while he was useless I rather hoped that James would go and we’d still have Mahamed’s madness to entertain us next week.

However, Lord Sugar sent him packing, which was a shame, from an entertainment perspective.

Ah, well maybe next week James will cry. Or we’ll get to see more of the delightful Karren Brady.

Delightful.

TTFN

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